An ABC (American-Born Chinese) Amid COVID: Racism in the Coronavirus Age

February 3, 2020

I couldn’t believe my eyes after reading a January CNN online article: “A New Virus Stirs Up Ancient Hatred”. A young Chinese-American woman reported train passengers covering their mouths and moving away from her, or looking at her with disgust. Chinese guys talked about coughing in public and watching those around them scurry away. Scientists of Chinese heritage got purged from universities and technological companies.

Other videos and articles showcased violence against Asians: one woman had her jaw socked, a doctor had rocks thrown at her, a man was assaulted and chased out of a market as shoppers cheered the perpetrator.

Was this going to be my future?

February 8, 2020

I saw a Facebook post that said the Chinese people should be separated. The lady then asked, “Why does that make me sound racist?” Separate the Chinese? Even those who never stepped foot in China? How was that racist? Didn’t the US already make this mistake with Manzanar?

I replied, “I’m Chinese. But I didn’t bring any virus with me. It started in Wuhan, not all of China or from Chinese people living in the United States. To blame someone like me because I am Chinese regardless of where I live or was born is the issue.”

(I just now realized that I had forgotten to include that I am Chinese born and living in the United States.)

March 5, 2020

I do wonder whether people here would think of me as a possible Coronavirus carrier every time I cough or clear my throat.

March 11, 2020

What if the client not want me anymore because of the Coronavirus hype and I’m Chinese. It may be discriminatory and illegal, but my understanding is that security managers are obligated

to take an officer out regardless of the reason, even if it is something like wanting a different nationality. Did my other Asian cohorts face something similar at their posts? Security Officer Yoon? Patrol Officer Nguyen? Too bad I didn’t have a way to contact them.

On my first patrol, I noticed the last names of employees at this post: Chung, Huang, Li, Lu, Quon, and Wang lined up on nameplates on office doors or in front of desks. I relaxed: if the cli- ent felt safe having them work here, then I should be okay.

Hearing anti-Asian stories had gotten to me, I guess. March 13, 2020

(7:30 PM) I just had a coughing fit and worried about getting accused of harboring the Coronavirus. I tried suppressing it, but my lungs and throat wouldn’t let me. My body tensed, on alert of a scientist or a plant manager coming out of the lab or manufacturing to ask me to leave on suspicions of COVID-19.

In the end, no one came to kick me out or to question me about my health.

It would be something about catching the Coronavirus when you have an Asian face, maybe even more so if you are of Chinese heritage.

March 16, 2020

I woke up from a nightmare and feared going back to sleep. I didn’t want to face that scene again.

In this dream, a group of looters was breaking into houses and attacking people. Mike and I learned this after we saw one guy outside the living room window and he noticed about 6-8 bullet marks on the window. We were surprised that the bullets didn’t pierce the window, but merely reverberated towards the perpetrators. But the looters were relentless. They resorted to unscrew- ing the window from the outside. Mike got in front of me at first and clenched his fist to fight back once they entered. Then he sent me to another room for my safety. I overheard him on the phone calling his partner at work to come take me to a safer place. Then I noticed one of the looters in the room with me, followed by another. I grabbed a hammer and another strangely- shaped tool from the toolbox and swung at them—and was surprised not even the hammer had any effect. I screamed out Mike’s name for help twice before I woke up and realized I had screamed out his name for real.

I was disappointed that I was such a damsel and needed Mike for rescue and protection. I’m also ashamed to admit that the guy who came to attack me was Asian. As in real life, not everyone infected with the Coronavirus got it from a Chinese person.

March 17, 2020

I struggled to fully concentrate at work today. I even had to double back on my patrol because I wasn’t sure whether I checked whether a particular door was locked or a padlock was secure. I felt so wired, anxious about some nebulous threat.

March 18, 2020

Before clocking in, I stopped at a Shell station. The man operating the register sighed in disgust upon my arrival.

“$35.00 on 7,” I enunciated very carefully, hoping he would hear my “perfect” American accent and conclude that I could not have been from Wuhan. Upon exiting, my eyes caught a dirty look from a middle-aged Caucasian male driver.

On the drive to my post, I felt so alone as I thought of my fellow officers I had befriended at my former post: Norman was French, Paul was Irish, Rudy & Anika were Mexicans, Eric was African-American. If we were all at Denny’s and a gunman charged in to take out his suspected Coronacarrier, I would be the only one shot.

“I could be wrong but I feel like a lot of the racist reactions to the virus have fallen to the way-side,” Paul later told me. “I don't mean to tell you that your experience at the gas station wasn't what it looked like, only that it might have happened to anybody. Yesterday Amanda [his wife] and I went out for a walk and we got dirty looks from people, I think everyone is on edge right now.”

He could be right. If Paul and Amanda, two Caucasians, received dirty looks from others, then perhaps the expressions I saw were not race-related. Perhaps the gas station attendant was busy with a task, which got interrupted when I entered. Maybe the guy in the car had already been in a bad mood. Anti-Asian news stories might have colored my perceptions.

March 23, 2020

I got out of my car in a Rowland Heights parking lot for Bank of the West, the 99 Cents Only store, and various small eateries. Every Asian wore masks as they walked to and from their destinations. Inside, every bank employee had them on. I felt the social pressure to.

March 24, 2020

On KFI, John and Ken reported about a school of thought that blamed the Chinese for killing Kobe Bryant. According to that view, if the Chinese had informed the world about the Corona- virus sooner, then events would have been cancelled in January, and Kobe and his daughter wouldn’t have gotten on that helicopter.

Really? The Chinese was opposed that much that they’re even blamed for a tragic helicopter crash?

I loved my former field supervisor’s reply on Facebook: “ I can’t believe the level of stupidity this is.”

April 1, 2020

Just posted this on Facebook.

“While paying for gas, the attendant asked what my nationality was. Stiffly, I admitted that I was Chinese. Only during this time of the Coronavirus anti-Asian sentiments do I get nervous about a stranger asking about my ethnicity. As he gave me change, he flexed his biceps with a grin on his face and publicly declared that I was Chinese. I wondered whether I would next be jumped.”

“Paranoid much?” I concluded the post.

April 2, 2020

I saw two muscular Caucasian guys walk across, their postures suggesting they’d be fitting as skinheads in a movie. The replies surprised me. Susana answered, “Absolutely not! He was out of line and had no business asking your ethnicity. And his response was totally inappropriate.” Even Paul affirmed, “That's not being paranoid, you were being threatened and taunted. I'm sorry that you had to go through that. That really is disgusting.” Carlo wrote, “This contagion is tough enough to endure without being attacked. Love and strength to you, Lisa.” Andrew posted, “That is very disconcerting. I'm sorry that happened to you. *hugs*”. Michele suggested, “I think you should report him to his manager. That is totally uncalled for!” Dawn added, “Maybe you can grin, point to him and say he’s an Idiot!” My favorite came from Mary: "We have your back, woman!”

April 13, 2020

!It is because of you that we have to live like this,” came unspoken looks that shot at me like ar- rows. I felt this while I was at Walmart—or even as I stopped on a red light on Paramount Boule- vard. I could be paranoid, but I felt unsafe in a predominantly Latinx and Caucasian community. Would I be safer in a much heavier Chinese-American community like Monterey Park or Alham- bra? However, Monterey Park and Alhambra would be farther to and from my workplace. Wasn’t that how Chinatown emerged in the late 1800s? Why should I be driven to repeat his- tory?

April 14, 2020

“The Slur I Never Expected to Hear in 2020”—Reading this article has renewed my feelings of vulnerability. Afraid that you would be attacked while going to get gas for your car or shop for a needed item? Yep. Worried that others would assume you have the virus because you’re wearing a mask and you have an Asian face? Yep. Your experience minimized and dismissed? Yep. Feel- ing alone amidst your Caucasian, Latinx, and African-American friends? Yep.

But I also had a stronger appreciation for the onslaught of "We have your back, woman” that came my way the last time I posted on this issue. Thank you, Mary L., Dori C., Paul C., Andrew T., Carlo P., and my high school science teacher Mrs. S.

May 18, 2020

I’ve been feeling more relaxed about being out grocery shopping or fueling up my tank. It seems to me that people have been treating me as a fellow customer. No more glares. No more dirty looks. No more covert blame.

June 18, 2020

Ok, I spoke too soon about anti-Asian sentiments dying out. I found another attack on the news. In Torrance, a blond-haired woman harassed an Asian female jogger at a park, telling her, “Go back to whatever (expletive) Asian country you belong in. This is not your place, this is not your home. We do not want you here. Put that on Facebook. I hope you do. Because every (expletive) person will beat the crap out of you from here on out.” The victim wasn’t even from China; in- stead, she’s Filipina.

The blonde also attacked another Asian man in front of his son and even physically assaulted a cleaner at a mall.

Then I found an an anti-Asian club whose mission statement was to “destroy all Ching Chongs in New York!” It’s on the opposite side of the country, but still. Who’s to say there isn’t a similar group in Los Angeles.

Looks like the danger isn’t over.