My Pandemic Journal

Preface: I know it’s unusual to add a preface to a journal but in all honesty, my handwriting is not the best to begin with, and it was truly illegible at times while I was sick. So, I have taken the liberty to transcribe my entries but I have not edited them.

January 6, 2020:

A New Year! I’ve been busting my ass since September doing dog walking, pet sitting, house sitting—any gig I can get my hands on. I’m still pissed at how Meals on Wheels fired me without notice on the day before I was due to end my probationary period. Stupid CEO couldn’t stop his program VPs from going over budget, so “last in, first out” with all the new hires. It was kind of gratifying to see Nicole S. quit and move to a new job shortly after they made her fire me. Anyway, 2020 will be my year to shine! I’ve almost booked enough money to take 3 months off and job hunt. Just one last house-sitting to do—through the 25th, down in Kyle. Sweet senior dog and a gorgeous house with a park nearby. Owners are going on a long cruise...husband just got back from visiting Venice for business.

So sick of Brian bitching about money. I wish he’d realize I’m doing the best I can right now. I’m trying to get my shit together. Trying to learn to set boundaries. I can’t always drop what I’m doing for him or Laura. Laura seriously needs therapy but refuses to do anything about it. No wonder her kid moved out as soon as she could.

I also need to make a doctor’s appointment. I have a yeast infection that just won’t go away.

 January 24, 2020

Molly is such a sweet senior pup. Another sweet old lady is Roxie—a Chug (Chihuahua/Pug mix). I’ve picked her up as a recurring walk, through Wag. Such a sweet old lady. Brian came out to Kyle for dinner with me. It’s a surprisingly cute little town.

My allergies are horrible right now. I hate cedar season—people not from Austin don’t understand how bad cedar pollen can be. My nose is totally stuffed up, I have a sinus infection, my eyes are itching and I’m getting a cough.

January 25, 2020

Oh my god! I’ve never felt such pain. I woke up and couldn’t get out of bed. The whole left side of my back has seized up. I had to roll onto the floor and crawl to the dresser to use it to stand up. Heading to the minor emergency clinic.

Ugh. I had to sit in the waiting room for over 2 hours. I don’t know why they called it “Urgent Care Clinic”. At least I have insurance this year and it was still cheaper than going to the ER. They didn’t take an Xray—just said it was a back spasm from sleeping on an unfamiliar bed. Prescribed muscle relaxants, huge amounts of prednisone and ibuprofen. The muscle relaxants are nice but they don’t help with the pain much. Thank God I only have 2 more nights on this sitting.

February 2, 2020

My back still hurts but not as bad but I now have a fever, with chills and am coughing a hell of a lot. Yeast infection is back, too and raging worse than ever. Nothing tastes good and I’m so stuffed up that I can’t smell. I can barely breathe without coughing like crazy. I just discovered that Austin Diagnostic Clinic is not in network with my new insurance, so my OBGYN visit in early January is costing me about $600. Brian keeps yelling at me about being lazy and lying around doing nothing—he seems to have no idea that I’m actually sick.

February 14, 2020

No Valentine’s Day celebrations for us. I can barely move out of the recliner. I can’t sleep lying down. I’m only going out to walk Roxie—she’s small and old, so I can go slowly and not worry about being pulled over or anything. It feels like I have bronchitis. Don’t have the energy to research a new doctor or health network. I asked Brian to do it for me and he refused. Said I was acting like a baby and he doesn’t like babies.

February 19, 2020

Laura might be a needy co-dependent pain in the ass but she can come through in an emergency. She found me a doctor and a health network that my insurance will take. I have an appointment set for tomorrow. I’m coughing non-stop now. No cough syrup is helping, my yeast infection is raging throughout my entire genital area; and I haven’t eaten anything solid in days. I can barely move out of the recliner and sleeping in bed is definitely not possible. Brian still yelling at me for being an inconvenience. Coughing up horribly disgusting thick green goo with some blood in it now.

February 20, 2020

I like Dr. Norris. Very compassionate. Has prescribed some anti-biotics and an antifungal cream. Appointment for x-rays tomorrow morning. Brian drove me. Dr. Norris seems to have gotten through to him that I’m truly sick and not malingering. Dr. Norris thinks it’s pneumonia.

February 21, 2020

X-rays confirmed that it’s pneumonia but its’s a weird kind. It’s not in my lungs but outside my left lung, which has collapsed almost 90%. It’s called a “Pleural Effusion”—never heard of it before. I have a follow-up with Dr. Norris in the morning.

February 21, evening

Can’t stop coughing and more blood coming up. I called the doctor’s office and they said to go to their evening clinic, so that’s where we’re headed.

February 28, 2020

Recovering from a major thoracic surgery. Brian took me to the evening clinic on the 23rd and they said to get me to an ER ASAP. I made him take me to Dell Seton Medical School—it was the closest ER that was in my network and it’s a charity hospital, so they’ll have to work with me if I can’t pay my bills. I’ve never seen Brian drive so fast—for once he was acting like his bootlegging Kentucky forebears. We made it from West Slaughter Lane to downtown Austin in 15 minutes—in heavy traffic on the interstate!

It took forever to get checked in at the ER. I was the only patient that wasn’t a car accident, shooting or overdose victim. I was also the only one somewhat ambulatory and lucid, so I got to wait and wait and wait. Even after I was admitted, I had to wait and wait and wait. Whenever someone did circle around to the room I was put in, I was asked “Have you been to China in the past 30 days or been in contact with someone who’s been in China in the last 30 days?” I’ve heard of COVID-19 but only because Laura keeps harping on about how bad it is in Italy. Since it was a teaching hospital, I signed the release form for students to observe me.

I was in the ER room for over 6 hours before they could get me admitted to a regular room—and that was an ICU room, too. I was asked the China question over a dozen times by a dozen different people. I wonder why they have digital records if they can’t see each other’s notes? I had an interesting telehealth consultation. Apparently at 3 am, the only pulmonary expert they could find was a Seton network doctor in South Dakota, so a self-propelled robot with a video link showed up in my room! She was very nice; and I remember thinking it looked like the robot Sheldon built for himself on The Big Bang Theory. I was finally moved to a real room at 5 am. My electrolytes were dangerously out of whack (as in I could have had a heart attack), so they made me drink liquid potassium. That made me throw up, so they crushed up potassium pills in apple sauce and made me eat them that way.

The following morning, just when I was finally getting some rest, I got woken up bright and early by my ER doctor. I’m ashamed to say I can’t remember his name—he was Ukrainian and it was hard to understand his accent. He came in with 8 students in white coats trooping behind him. It was like being in an episode of House. Luckily my room was huge, so they could all fit in it around my bed. First thing he asked me was “did I know I was diabetic?”. That was a huge “no” on my part. Apparently, the raging yeast infection should have clued me in that my blood sugar was out of whack...and being sick didn’t help either. The students took it in turns to question me about how I got the pleural effusion. They ultimately came to the consensus that I must have aspirated something through my congenital hiatal hernia while I was under the influence of the prednisone and muscle relaxants. As for treatment, they thought I should be ok after a Thoracentesis was done. All of this took place before 8 am.

I spoke with Dad briefly before they took me down for the Thoracentesis. Brian finally figured out that this was serious and someone from my family should know about it. Dad said he’s had this procedure a couple of times and it’s not painful. It helped him out a lot with his issues. I’m glad they numbed me up really good because I saw the needle they inserted through my back. It was enormous. The surgeon was very kind and compassionate but extremely perturbed that the gunk in my chest cavity was too thick to suck out. She said it looked like cottage cheese and ordered an MRI to see the extent of the infection. She recommended surgery.

Major surgery scheduled for 8 am Monday, Feb. 25. Only operating suite available was at Seton Central Austin, so I had to wait all day Friday to be transferred by ambulance. At least I had a huge, comfortable room. Brian came and visited for a few hours. Jake Morrow called and wanted to visit but his wife, Maria, wouldn’t let him. She’s scared of COVID.

The ambulance finally showed up at 6pm. It took them forever to figure out how to load me onto a gurney that could be loaded straight into it. On top of that, I had to berate all the staff into making sure my possessions made it with me. Lucky for me, the driver was a trainee as well. I got an hour long, 3-mile transfer through rush hour traffic—hitting every single pothole on the way. I’m surprised I didn’t get motion sick, as I was facing backwards and had no windows to see out of.

The difference between Dell Seton (only a couple of years old) and Seton Central is like the difference between a 5-star luxury hotel and a badly maintained Motel 6. My new room is tiny and hasn’t been updated in 30 years. I wasn’t all that impressed with the nurse trainees, either. There were a pair of them that couldn’t find a vein in my arms to save their lives. They kept wanting to bring in a portable ultrasound machine but I refused because I figured it would cost too much. They finally got the nurse manager in charge, who was in her 80’s. She came in, tied the tourniquet, and found a vein in one try. She told me that she served in Vietnam and “we didn’t have time or fancy machinery to waste back then.” I was so bruised up by the incompetent youngsters that I looked liked a junkie. The same routine happened the second night I was there but luckily the same nurse manager was also there. She got permission for a PICC line to be installed. I’m learning all sorts of stuff these days. A PICC line is a catheter inserted into a vein for long-term access. It stopped them having to do constant poking and prodding for blood draws.

Laura came and visited me on Saturday. We had a good long talk, which is what she always wants—and yes, she kept trying to make it all about her problems. Her dead mother, her asshole ex-boss, Nadia leaving her when she turned 18. Her only other topic of conversation was how bad the COVID news in Italy was. People being parked in hospital hallways and dying while waiting for treatment. Thank God I was drugged up and barely awake.

Dad drove in on Sunday and spent all day with me. It was nice getting to speak with him for hours on end but scare to think of an 89-year-old driving from Blanco. It was funny watching him flirt with all the nurses! He has lots of stories about visiting Seton when it was first built. Apparently, it didn’t have separate rooms—just big wards with curtains between the beds, and a communal shower at the end of each ward. This was the first real conversation we’ve had since Trump was elected. I can’t believe it took me almost dying for him to forgive me for not supporting the great Cheeto and going to the Women’s March.

The rest of the weekend, I spent staring out the window. I had no tv in my room and couldn’t concentrate enough to read. I was very scared...still am. There was a nice little park that I could see and every few hours a man would bring his dachshund out for a walk. He was an old man and I think he lived or worked nearby. I can’t believe how quickly I started keeping watch for him. I loved watching the dog sniff around and play.

I’m not ashamed to say I prayed a lot, too. My prayers took the form of entreating my female ancestors to watch over me. It sounds corny but I swear I could feel my mom in my room. My friend Eva was also there. Brian came Sunday night and helped me shower. It was either him or a male nurse I’d never met.

I’m told the surgery went well but took a bit longer than expected. The surgeon had to remove a lot of crud and then insert 3 chest ports under my left boob. The ports are for drainage. I remember waking up a little bit right after the surgery. I apparently pooped all over the operating room after the surgery, even though I’d not been allowed to eat the night before. I remember the nurses complaining that they were going to have to deep clean the OR and that would push back the surgery schedule.

The next thing I remember is waking up in a darkened room. I didn’t know what day it was or the time. I couldn’t speak or swallow and my arms were restrained. I was intubated and had tried to pull the tube out. I was also trying to scratch my itchy, yeasty crotch. Restraining me was the only way to stop me from doing either. I was supposed to stay asleep but apparently sedatives don’t work that well on me, so I woke up early. I eventually got them to untie one hand and I mimed for a pen and paper. Once I got that, I was able to find out I’d been intubated and ventilated for 28 hours. Thank God they removed the tube shortly after this.

I’ve been given all sorts of antibiotics and antifungals plus insulin and vitamins, etc. I have IVs inserted into both arms plus the PICC line and a heart monitor. I can’t swallow the pills since my throat is so swollen. I have to eat them crushed up into apple sauce or pudding. They removed my piss catheter because of the yeast infection. They don’t want it getting worse. Going to the bathroom is quite a chore. I have to unplug my heart monitor from the wall, wrap its wire around one of the IV support poles and drag both poles into the bathroom. I couldn’t fit them into the room with me, so I had to leave the bathroom door open. Inevitably, someone always walked in while I’m in there.

Respiratory Therapists: I had no idea that there was such a thing. I get tortured every 3 hours by one of them wheeling in a mobile torture device and teaching me to inflate my left lung again. It’s exhausting.

Hospital Food: is actually somewhat better than I expected. There’s not much variety, though. Having to learn a new diet with almost no carbs is exhausting and boring.

I no longer have a room with a view, either. Unless you think watching pigeons mate on an industrial rooftop to be interesting.

March 5, 2020

Home at last! The day before Brian’s birthday, not that we’ll celebrate this year. No more getting poked and prodded, or eating a limited menu. No more arguing with obnoxious social workers lothat think I’ve been beaten up by Brian. This was because of the bruises caused by the IVs and wrist restraints. I’ve got constant diarrhea from the drugs, especially the antifungals but I’ve been told that will stop pretty quickly once the prescriptions are finished.

Dad came to visit me again a few days ago, while I was still in the hospital. Chris called while he was with me because Sheila called Chris worried about Dad. Dad apparently went AWOL after an argument with Sheila. That’s really funny. Chris and Venny have called every day to check on me, too. Venny has been very supportive. Steph had been on vacation so she didn’t hear about my news for a while. She sent a huge bouquet, though. I also got a beautiful bouquet from Tami Walker. Diji Peterson from 24 Hour Fitness stopped by and brought me wildflowers. It was really good to have a visitor. She’s promised to cook some meals for me, too, now that I’m home. I was very touched that Heather Parsons from AFP called to check on me. Good to know my fundraising peeps have my back.

The COVID news is getting scary. I don’t know which is worse—the news about the disease or the political situation. Trump needs to go. I hope the virus gets him! Then maybe people will believe that the “China virus” is real.

I have resumed walking Roxie. She was the last dog I walked before surgery and the first dog after surgery.

LOCKDOWN!!

Well, ok. Travis County and the City of Austin have finally issued a lockdown order. We’re joining the rest of the world in staying home. I don’t know why so many people are panicking or protesting. I mean, my mom and her relatives had to survive through years of bombs being dropped on Germany during WWII. Wearing a mask and staying at home is not that big a deal, especially if a person is able to work from home. I’m still recovering from surgery, so it’s not that big a deal for me. I’ve been doing a little dog walking—not just my own pups but Roxie again. Her owner is a nursing assistant and is considered essential, so in a way, my dog walking is essential, too. Holly has stocked me with disposable gloves and masks, too, since she insists on me wearing them, even when she’s not home.

I’ve had to go to a few diabetes training sessions—meeting with a nutritionist, etc. I had to purge our pantry of pasta, etc. All the shelf stable foods that are recommended during a lock-down. The pandemic grocery store situation is creating quite a challenge. I’m glad most of them have instituted separate times for the elderly or medically challenged. We had to get to Costco at 7 am once and wait in line for almost 2 hours, just to get in. The line wrapped around the building, and it was all senior citizens. Luckily, we didn’t need any toilet paper or hand sanitizer, since they sold out immediately. I can’t believe people are hoarding toilet paper. Haven’t they ever heard of cloth diapers? I mean, seriously, what do they think people used before TP was invented?

I now eat at least one salad a day. Brian thinks it’s wasteful but I find the pre-made, single serve salads much more convenient. It takes so much effort to make a salad from scratch—all the washing, chopping, etc. I’ve discovered a Japanese ginger dressing that tastes SO GOOD! I can’t get enough of it but it’s only available at a couple of stores.

Thanks be for Instacart! So much easier than having to go to a store in person. I don’t like grocery shopping to begin with, so as along as the shopper picks good produce, I’m ok with it.
I have to keep a blood sugar log, too, so I found a spreadsheet template. I just need to remember to update it. Taking the insulin is nowhere near as onerous as I thought it would be. The injection pens make it so easy.

Bernard Leff passed away. I feel so bad for Barry & Steph, and their kids. They can’t have a funeral due to COVID.

I spent 8 months planning the ASL Reunion only to cancel it because of the lockdown. I’m glad I made the call to do so early enough that we didn’t have to pay a ton of money in cancellation fees. Refunding all the ticket fees was a chore, though, and I’m surprisingly sad that we won’t have the reunion.

Long Conversations

It seems like everyone is getting chatty during lockdown. I have total strangers stopping me when I’m walking and initiating long conversations—from across the street, of course! I like it. I think it’s nice that people are being old fashioned and courteous for once. Chris calls about once a week, too. Just to shoot the breeze and update me on his treatment. He’s also paying off my car. I might have to file bankruptcy because of my medical bills and he doesn’t want me to potentially lose the car. It’s down to the last $2500 before his help; and he swears that he’s making so much money right now that he won’t miss it. I know it’s his way to repay me for when Brian and I hired him to re-floor our home. Our payment for the flooring helped him out after his divorce, and when he was homeless. Thank God he solved that problem before he got his cancer diagnosis, and thank God he met Georgie Ann.

Brian and I have had tons of long conversations lately, too. Most of them are good but he does tend to harp on how sexist women have become. As a senior, white guy, he’s also terrified of the Black Lives Matter situation. I’m getting more than a little tired of his intolerance and blind support of the white cops. I wish the press wouldn’t call it BLM—I can’t help but get confused with the Bureau of Land Management.

Laura keeps calling and asking to get together. I’m using the pandemic as a weaning mechanism. It seems to be working pretty well but she shows up unannounced every now and then. She doesn’t clue in that neither of us are happy when she arrives.

“I Feel Sad”

This has become Brian’s mantra lately. I don’t know what to say to him beyond “it’s ok to feel sad”. I’m pretty sure he’s missing the interactions with the other tutors and students at ACC but he’s too proud of being an introvert to admit to it. He doesn’t like feeling that he would get lonely if he lived alone in the woods. He’s also decided that a pandemic is the appropriate time to stop taking his anti-depressants, so his sadness is punctuated by fits of rage. He actually told me to move out and move in with Kristy, since he was tired of me mooching off of him. He’d

forgotten that Kristy had moved to Florida years ago, that she was now a rabid Trump supporter and that it was a pandemic. He’s always surprised that I can tell when he’s not on his meds but honestly, his memory goes to crap and he’s angry all the time, so it’s not hard to tell. I rarely act “manipulative” but for the sake of our joint sanity, I’m going to start a home improvement regimen. That way he’ll have problems and projects to work on. I understand ACC will be going back to work soon, so even though he’ll be working from home, he’ll still have some interaction with someone besides me.

Pandemic Projects

I suppose I’m just like everyone else right now. I looked around my house and decided that since I now have the time, I’m going to tackle the To Do list. It helps that I qualified for unemployment benefits, since they expanded them to include gig workers. I’m basically being paid to stay home and not possible infect anyone else, so why not fix things around the house? I’m particularly proud of doing a mosaic tile job to hide the water damage in the bathroom. It looks really nice. I also painted the front hallway and bathroom—no more rose pink . Between the two of us, we sold about 300 books (once the stores opened up again). I had to sell them a bag at a time by appointment and I promptly spent the money buying more books This time, though, I placed the books around town in Little Free Libraries, so someone else could enjoy some cozy mysteries. The library finally opened for curbside pickup, so that’s been really convenient as well.

I built a ribbon rack and displayed all my high school and college horse show ribbons. I finally got my various art posters and brass rubbings framed; and replaced the broken glass in a few pieces. I still need to sort through the hundreds of photos from mom. That project has been waiting over a decade and I just can’t find the energy.

Getting on medical payment plans is another sort of pandemic project. My insurance covered most of my hospital costs but I had a $6500 deductible. Of course, everything was nickel and dimed. I’ve created a binder with a section for each vendor and I’m filing all my invoices in there. The credit card companies have been nice and given me an interest free grace period due to the pandemic plus my car insurance refunded most of my premium, under the assumption that I’m not driving anywhere. It’s nice to be able to relax and not worry about every penny, even with the extra $300 per month in medical bills.

I’ve actually spent time gardening, which is rare. I’m much better with house plants than flower gardens but again, I’ve had the time and money to invest.

Gone to the Dogs—and Horses—and AFP

Well, it seems that all the folks stuck at home have decided to adopt dogs. It’s wonderful to hear of shelters being almost empty but I worry that when things normalize or if the economy gets worse, the dogs will be returned to the shelters. In the meantime, I’m walking a few more dogs. Most of their owners are medical professionals, working long hours and living in apartments. I have a whole routine of gloving and masking up and using tons of hand sanitizer. Suzanne also needs help at Bel Canto, so I’m teaching out there a lot. She’s paying pretty well, too, which is

nice. I can’t ride though yet, due to recovering from surgery. My favorite horse, Hammer, is retired due to extreme old age. He still remembers me and comes when I call him. Mr. T the pony is still there and going strong despite his advance years. Still a feisty, stubborn sweetheart. There are more lessons being requested than we can supply. Since a lot of schools are now remote, the parents are looking for outdoor activities that can count as PE credits. I haven’t taught this many lessons since high school.

I’m volunteering with the AFP programs committee. It’s keeping me sane by utilizing my professional skills. I hope it will also help with my eventual job search for another nonprofit job. We’re working on doing a virtual conference in August—the meetings are helping me to perfect my Zoom skills. I’ve even bought a portable green screen to put behind my chair. Speaking of Zoom, Brian’s family has started a weekly session. It’s the most time he’s spent with his brothers in years. I’ve set up a Zoom for my birthday, so my family can all see each other.

Comet Neowise

We decided to use the telescope Brian inherited to comet watch. We set up at the park on the top of Pilot’s Knob. Well, the telescope was broken...I got to see the comet without it but Brian’s glaucoma didn’t allow him to see it. It was heartwarming, though, to see the number of people who left Xmas lights up on their homes—not through laziness but to cheer folks up.

Wonderful World

I’ve been seeing news stories and photos about the wildlife coming into cities since the world went quiet. Dolphins in the Venice canals and whales coming close to big port cities. It’s almost as if the animals are curious about what’s happening to the humans. It gives me hope that nature’s resilience will prevail and the world improve a little when our species is gone. A pandemic is not something I ever thought I’d live through. I always figured North Korea would nuke us...good to know Trump’s sycophantic fantasies about their dictator might have saved us from that (sarcasm).

Anyway, I’m also inspired by seeing stories about people singing from their balconies or playing music on their porches—just to give some comfort to others. YoYo Ma plays his cello at hospitals, which I think is amazing. I’m also inspired how comedians like Ben Brainard and Julie Nolke have taken to the Internet. I find their snarky senses of humor invigorating. I saw a video of the Moscow Ballet dancers dancing in their homes—their passion for their art was too great for them to ignore. I’ve been enjoying taking virtual museum tours, too. The Tenement Museum in NYC has been doing some fantastic online programs, as has the Smithsonian and the British Museum.

Apparently, being a Gemini means I can tap into an introverted side I’ve never really explored before. Funny—Brian’s lonely and I’m ok with being locked away for a while (I’m the extrovert).

I could do without the murder hornets, wildfires and other natural disasters, though. It seems like the “smite key” on God’s keyboard is stuck.

Deaths

Walt Roberts died of COVID. Judy Waxman died of leukemia. A few other friends and acquaintances have also died, primarily from COVID. My dog, Rhian, had to be euthanized due to old age. So much sorrow. And then...RBG died! It feels like democracy is doomed, so how can I focus on my petty sorrows?

Halloween 2020

We set up a table in our front yard and greeted the few trick or treaters in person (we dressed in costumes, too). We wore masks and gloves, just to be safe. We had people pull up in their cars and thanking us for marking our home on Nextdoor. It seems a lot of people weren’t going to celebrate the holiday but we wanted to do our part to help our community, even if it was a small part.

2020 Election

Ugh! I wish Trump would die, or at least shut the fuck up. I can’t believe how many people blindly believe in him. Nothing good can come of his bullshit. I woke up in the middle of the night a few nights ago with the phrase “Trump Must Die” echoing in my head. If he doesn’t die or concede election like a grown up, I’m scared we’re going to have a second Civil War.

So, of course, he won’t concede. It’s all a fraud and he really won—BULLSHIT!! Nose Job

Since I hit my deductible this year, I’ve decided to get my broken nose fixed. It should help with my breathing and snoring. My surgeon managed to get it classified as medically necessary, too, so I won’t have to pay anything. The surgery is scheduled for the beginning of November—the surgeon is going to be out for about 2 weeks over Thanksgiving.

OMG! My nose hurts worse than my earlier illness and surgery did. I can’t breathe due to the plugs and splints in my nose. Both eyes are black and swollen. I look like I did a few rounds in a boxing ring. The surgery took longer than expected, due to there being more scar tissue than anticipated. Dr. Sharma had to do considerably more re-shaping than he anticipated.

Two days after the surgery, I was resting in the recliner while Brian was outside gardening. Zest and Ariana decided they both wanted to climb into my lap. Major dog fight with Ariana grabbing Zest by the neck and trying to kill her. I yelled as loud as I could but Brian had his earbuds in and didn’t hear me. I managed to separate the dogs but not before Ariana sliced my right middle finger open down to the bone. Brian had to take me to the ER to get stitched. Luckily, she missed my tendons. Double lucky in that Dr. Sharma is a hand specialist as well as a cosmetic surgeon. He double-checked the ER doctor’s work for free but it’s going to take weeks to heal.

Attempted Vehicular Homicide

I picked up a Wag dog walk with the German Shepherd Trifecta (Duke, Velma & Journey). They’ve been private clients in the past but the pandemic allowed Sean to work from home and not need me. However, it was Thanksgiving Day, and his mom fell down the stairs and had to go to the hospital. While I was walking them along Janes Ranch Rd., next to the park, a car deliberately jumped the curb and aimed for us. I tried to pull the dogs out of the way but Journey was hit and tumbled end over end. Her yelps were horrible to hear; and I couldn’t believe someone would want to hurt us. I tried to call 911 but my hands were shaking so much, I couldn’t dial. I had to flag down another driver and ask them to dial for me. The cops were polite but took a long time showing up. It gave me enough time to get the dogs home, check them out and call Sean and Wag. They didn’t take things seriously until Sean’s wife called her dad, who is a police chief in another town. He called the Austin cops and escalated things. I’d found a gun shell casing on the ground where we were hit; and I remembered to give that to the cops.

Year End Reflections

Dogs truly are humanity’s best friend.

I’ve come to hate the fact that I now understand what a spike protein or antigen is, what

“Long Covid” means, or “contact tracing” or herd immunity or at least a dozen other

terms.

I don’t like feeling numb when hearing that another person I know has passed away. The

count is currently at 17.

The Mandalorian is kind of boring

What the hell is Watermelon Sugar, besides an insipid song? Can’t stand it, and after

going back and seriously listening, I still don’t like Billie Eilish, Mariah Carey, Mary J. Blige, James Taylor, The Grateful Dead, any Heavy Metal band; and I still especially hate Philip Glass. Who knew that lockdown would bore me so much that I would take the time to do this?

I much prefer to cook for a special event. I’m tired of cooking almost every meal. However, while I’m a little sad that so many restaurants have closed, the Darwinian in me says that maybe we had too many restaurants to begin with, and it’s good to cull the herd.

Yay!! It’s 2021!

I ordered a t-shirt that says “2020 Very Bad Year, Would Not Recommend”—with only 1 star out of 5 checked. My goals this year are to pay off my medical bills, pay off as many other bills as possible and get a job.

So far, 2021 has not lived up to my expectations. We had the coup at the Capitol on January 6. Quite the Epiphany! I cried like a baby all the way home from Wimberley when I heard the news on the radio. Not only did I grit my teeth so hard that I broke a molar but when I had to stop at a light in Kyle (right across from the police station), some Trump supporters saw my anti-Trump bumper stickers and started rocking my car. I tried not to show them that I was intimidated but I was glad when the light changed and I could peel out of there.

I had to go to a crap dentist to get my molar crowned. My dental insurance doesn’t cover crowns, so I had to find one that was cheap. Their technician promptly broke the molar behind the one getting a crown—he was trying to force the crown down when it was obviously badly made and not fitting right. So now I have $2000 in dental bills to pay off, too. Thanks to Biden, I have enough to do so—stimulus money went fast, though.

My cousin, Angie McCormack, passed away while living in Turkey. Aunt Hannelore has been in and out of the hospital, as has Dad.

SNOVID

Well, the 2nd year in a row that we can’t celebrate Valentine’s Day. Austin has been caught in a blizzard. I don’t know how but our neighborhood didn’t lose power (we’re on Bluebonnet Electric, instead of Austin Energy). We are so lucky but I’ve never seen so much snow in Austin. None of our roads are drivable. Our internet is out, as is cable, and our cell phone coverage goes in and out. We’re using the fireplace pretty much nonstop, and I’m following official requests to conserve water.

Well, we’re now in a boil water situation. The pipes are bursting as the thaw sets in. Poor Suzanne at the barn hasn’t had power or water for about a week. Her well froze and then the pipes burst. She’s had to feed snow to the horses or melt it over a fire to keep them hydrated. The barn community has started bringing water to her now that the roads are open. Brian and I went down there to help hand walk the horses that had been stuck in the barn for days on end. So much mud everywhere now. I’m so impressed by Suzanne’s strength and resiliency. I’m not sure I’d want to poop in a bucket for a week. Unfortunately, she had to euthanize one of her show horses, Carlos. He colicked a couple days after the snow melted and was in tremendous pain. The barn is so quiet without him “yelling” all the time or kicking his stall at feeding time. One of her dogs also passed away in its sleep.

Dad, Sheila and Nicole were in a similar situation in Spring Branch. Dad joined a gym, so he could go “use the facilities”. I think he meant use a working toilet and take a shower. Someone vandalized the well that provides water to his semi-rural subdivision.

A Little Normality—and Welcome to the Thunder Dome

Well, things have normalized a bit. Most stores are open but several of our favorite family run restaurants have closed for good. My days are spent with dogs, horses and children, so that’s all good. I’m still working on a few small pandemic projects and volunteering with AFP. Something funny happened during SNOVID—the HOA got a complaint from one of our residents for not snow plowing our streets Unbelievable that someone could be so stupid as to not realize that Austin as a city doesn’t own snowplows or that the HOA is supposed to be in charge of that. I spoke with Barry and he said his HOA in Memphis got a similar complaint!!

The vaccines are being rolled out but here in Texas it’s almost impossible to get one. It’s like Mad Max mashed up with the Hunger Games and the Thunder Dome. I spent 20 hours online trying to find a time and place. I was ready to drive to the panhandle for one when I heard about

a group of volunteers creating a search algorithm (what else would techies do with their skills). I contacted them and within 3 hours they found a time and place for me. So, next week I get to drive to Georgetown for my first dose—6 weeks later, my 2nd dose! Yay! I feel nothing but contempt for anyone who refuses to get a vaccine. Uncle Hugh was paralyzed due to Polio— what would the world still look like if a vaccine for that hadn’t been developed?

Joining the Texas Hunter Jumper Association

I cratered to Suzanne’s pressure and have joined the THJA as treasurer. She and I will day trip to Katy for a board meeting in April. We’re both double vaccinated now, so we should be safe.

Bernard’s Memorial

Brian and I drove to Houston for Bernard Leff’s memorial. It was a very nice ceremony installing the grave marker. It was wonderful to see family again! Barry kept hugging us and saying how much it meant to him. The drive back was through a huge thunderstorm, and our GPS routed us away from the major highways (due to flooding and accidents), so it took almost 5 hours to get back. The next morning, when I got out of bed, my left knee popped very loudly and hurt like hell.

Barn Birthday Parties—and an Itty-Bitty Kitty

I wanted to see people and celebrate my birthday this year, so Suzanne graciously let me have the party outside at the barn. I was touched by the number of friends and family that traveled out to Wimberley for it. Alicia was visiting and it was great to see her! A month later, in July, Suzanne celebrated her 60th birthday out there. She outdid me, though, by bringing in a food trailer and live band

We were walking Denver and Rainey (2 client dogs) for their owner. She’s an ER nurse and was working overnights at the time. We spotted a tiny animal, which turned out to be a teeny, tiny kitten. She fluffed up and hissed and arched her back to get past the two big dogs. She jumped right into my arms and I carried her the rest of the dog walk. She’s now got a forever home and has told me her name is Sabrina. She’s a gorgeous Tortoiseshell—and I’ve always wanted a Tortie! The vets think she was only about 5 weeks old when we found her, so she would have been born around my birthday.

Job Hunting During a Pandemic

This was surprisingly easy. I’d seen an ad for a part-time fundraising position with HorseLink (therapeutic horse agency) and thought I’d be perfect. I aced 3 interviews with them but didn’t get the job because they wanted someone in Bastrop. Instead, they referred me to ATX Kids Club—1 interview and I was hired. I start on Aug. 16! That almost makes up for the news from Chris. His cancer chemo was going so well but it’s now causing pre-leukemia

So, not only do I have to hit the ground running at a new job—we have an in-person gala this year on Oct. 21 (last year’s was canceled) but I have to find the time and courage to travel in a pandemic. I did manage to get a 3rd vaccine, though, as did Brian.

More Grief

Hammer had to be euthanized at the beginning of September.

Rabbi Kerry Baker died from a heart attack.

Aunt Hannelore had surgery and passed away a few days later, on Sept. 30. I miss seeing

her poorly spelled Facebook posts—you could hear her German accent in her writing.

We managed to get out to Pueblo to see Chris at the beginning of October. I was NOT

comfortable flying in these times. So many idiots not wearing masks in extremely crowded airports. Chris was in so much pain but he perked up a bit when we took him to get a blood transfusion. I can’t believe how much he looked like Mom. He and Brian disappeared for a few hours and it turns out that Chris took Brian to a dispensary. Brian was so stoned that he got a major case of the munchies. Chris insisted that we not wear masks while in his home—he “wanted to see smiles”. We had a hell of a time getting home. Southwest Airlines cancelled our return flights with no notice; and we had to drive our rental car home. It took 17 hours. It was supposedly due to bad weather but I think I believe the theory that their staff went on a sick out. They didn’t like the vaccine mandate. Brian put his grudge against his brother Glenn aside and asked him to house-sit for us. Thank God for Glenn.

While we were visiting Chris, Dad called with the news that our cousin, Pat Mullane, died in a car accident.

Chris died on Oct. 13. I spoke with him about 30 minutes before he passed. His last words were “I love you, BooBoo”. BooBoo was his childhood nickname for me because I would follow him the way BooBoo followed Yogi Bear. I can’t believe he’s gone.

We had to euthanize our old cat, Dobby, at the beginning of November. It was time—he definitely let us know that, so I don’t feel too guilty. Sabrina has stepped up to take over his patrol duties and our neighbors have reported seeing her play in their yards when they review their security footage

Year-End Blur

I know we had a gala for work but I don’t remember much of it, or anything else. Brian has been very solicitous and treats me like I’m a fragile piece of porcelain. It’s very strange behavior for him. I think Chris’s death hit him hard. He actually told me once that he had loved Chris.

I’m having to do physical therapy for my knee. It turns out that I dislocated the patella but the first doctor I consulted didn’t realize that. My x-rays only showed a little arthritis, and he didn’t consider the fact that my surrounding leg muscles were overcompensating and getting cramped. I had to do physical therapy on my right shoulder and arm for most of the past 2 years, too. The PICC line has caused some scar tissue in my right pectoral and the surrounding muscles have overcompensated, etc.

We had a really nice Thanksgiving at Dad’s. Nicole cooked a wonderful meal.

Suzanne has persuaded me to join the board of the Starlight Symphony Orchestra. I start as Treasurer on January 1.

Venny & Steph bore the brunt of closing up Chris’s house. They went out there the first week of December and had a disappointing estate sale. Most of the furniture will be donated to Goodwill. They accidentally left a painting I really wanted there, so hopefully the landlord will make good on his promise to ship it to me. I met them in Oklahoma City to pick up my share of heirlooms. I went on to Eureka Springs, Arkansas for a couple of days. I picked the wrong time of year to visit, since it was after the tourist season and very little was open. The scenery is beautiful, though, and I definitely want to go back. I brought Ariana with me, and it was interesting traveling with a dog. The trip did what I wanted it to, which was to get me out of my own head for a while. I’ve been taking it easy since I got back and hunkering down for the holidays a bit. It helped that I spent a week house sitting. I needed the alone time and this was a perfect break. I had an amazing experience early on the 23rd. I went out with Clyde the dog and it was cold and foggy. The Caraways house has an open mesh back fence and I could see a pack of coyotes coming out of the Marble Creek greenbelt. They were using the utility right of way as a roadway. We just stood and looked at each other for several minutes, and then I remembered the out-of- date chicken in the fridge. I fed the chicken to the coyotes and the smallest of them (still a pup) actually took a piece from my hand, as I put my hand through the fence. I had no fear of them, and Clyde pretty much ignored them. I think he’s used to seeing or at least smelling them. It was a very magical Christmas moment.

I feel more refreshed than I have in a long time; and I can only hope that 2022 will be better. Especially as I just heard on the news that Sarah Weddington has died, and Desmond Tutu died a few days ago. I worry about our democracy but can’t see anyway forward than to focus on myself for a while. At least I have Chris’ memorial in June to look forward to. A family reunion in Colorado, on my birthday. Bittersweet but so much of life is.