Days of the Pandemic

July 18, 2020

            How long has it been? A bit over 4 months ago, on my birthday, the world shrank. The wave of the pandemic started breaking over us. Thank goodness for my birthday, I got a haircut! 

            We have good coping skills. We have good resources. However, it has not been easy. It has been depressing. There has been fear. Now it feels more like numbness. 

            At first there was a flurry of household projects. I cleaned the attic. Organizing the coins my father saved and left behind. Organizing the paperwork my mother left (she died in 2003 but I had not had the time or inclination before). I contacted long-lost friends. I interviewed relatives about family history and started writing family history stories. 

            We were afraid to even shop for groceries. Wal-Mart offered a time for the elderly to shop before other customers were allowed. We were in line for that once a week. We took drives. We walked in parks when Phil’s leg allowed some walking (he has tendonitis). 

            We watched the Governor’s informing sessions three times a week. We watched far too much television. After some weeks, we could check books out of the library. One reserved the book on line. When it was ready, the library staff sent an e-mail. One drove to the library, called in and waited in the car. After a time, staff came out the door and placed the books on the table. Once staff returned to the library, one was allowed to go to the table and pick up the books. For months the library did not accept any returns. The books piled up. Finally they placed a bin out three days a week. Books could be returned to the bin. Bins were taken into the library at the end of the day and they sat for two days and then staff could re-shelve them. 

            No one slept well. The news was constant and stressful. I began teeth grinding in my sleep. I would awake with a stiff jaw and it took some time to be able to open my mouth, even to brush my teeth much less to eat. 

            I had never before heard of ZOOM. Within a few days, the entire world would be using ZOOM for meetings, lectures, family visits, and continuing education. Ah- continuing education credits. Before the pandemic, one had to pay for continuing education. All of a sudden, one professional group after another was offering CE for free. On the computer over ZOOM. What a bonus! In the last four months I have completed nearly 30 hours of continuing education. That is enough for 2019-2020 and most of what is needed for 2020-21. 

            I am grateful that I retired and closed my practice of Clinical Psychology in July of 2019. I listen as colleagues move their practices online or valiantly try to continue in-person services. The liability of seeing a client in person and the potential consequences are mind-blowing. The amount of work to transfer services online is daunting. Not all clients can be effectively treated online. There are a myriad of laws and regulations, especially if a client moves to another state (as might be typical if one was working with college students who move home during the pandemic). We are not positioned for doctors and clinicians to provide services across state lines. Licensing and other credentials and regulations differ state to state and credentials do not automatically “cross” state lines.  There are many expenses in establishing a virtual health practice and reimbursement for services through insurance is uncertain. 

            It is ironic that, at a time when the need for mental health services is skyrocketing, services are harder to obtain. Meanwhile, clinicians are losing revenue and may even close. I wonder how those with addictions are coping. I wonder how the opiate addiction crisis is being addressed. Social support is so important for those with depression or crippling anxiety. While there are online resources and some creative approaches, I wonder if the majority of those in need are simply being ignored or are so overwhelmed that mental health needs are simply not a priority. What will behavioral health treatment be like six months from now? What will the death toll be from suicide? I wish I could formulate a solution. So far, my ideas are meager.

July 19, 2020

            It is Sunday and later I will attend services at our church in Plattsburg New York by ZOOM and then attend services at our Richmond church on FACEBOOK. Today is the first day our Richmond Church, Unity of Bon Air, is open for in-person services. However, we will not attend in person because, if we do, we can no longer see our Richmond grandchild. My Richmond daughter believes church services are too high risk (and indeed the studies show that they are). We are allowed to walk over and greet people as they come and go past us. I may do that. We live behind the church off to the side of the Meditation Garden. We bought the house from their aging pastor and thought we would investigate her church. It is more of a fellowship and mostly old people, like us. They have live music and many activities. We help with the Garden Team. 

            My Richmond daughter initially would not allow us into their house. We had to visit outside or on the screened porch. We could not even go in to use their bathroom, so the visits were short. It is a 20-minute drive to their house and we had to drive back to our house to use the bathroom. A visit over 2 hours was long as older people need to use the bathroom more frequently than younger people. It was getting hot in Richmond- too hot for us to be outside very long. I wondered what we would do. However, my son-in-law’s mother (a teacher in Maryland) finished her job for the year in June. She came to visit. She could not stay in a hotel as she needed a hip replacement and she stayed with them. Because she was allowed in the house, then we were also allowed to enter the house. 

            Gradually my daughter relaxed some practices. She had been preparing separate food for Phil and I on separate plates so we did not touch their plate of food when we served ourselves. After the visit from my son-in-law’s mother, my daughter ended that practice. The visit from our son-in-law’s mother resulted in another great event- my daughter arranged for us to spend three days at the shore. I was so grateful. She found a house on the Chesapeake Bay near Fort Story. The shore was pretty deserted there. We had three wonderful days at the beach and bike riding. Phil had reconditioned an old bicycle for me and my daughter bought a new bike. There is a shaded bike path (all paved) and over7 miles long. What a wonderful ride! I never needed a vacation the way I did during the pandemic. We had been nowhere for months! 

July 20, 2020

            I have returned from swimming. At the start of July, my daughter did something uncharacteristic (especially in light of her severe ‘stay at home’ edict). She purchased a swim club membership for us at a nearby community pool. We had been enrolled in aqua classes at a nearby rehab center after both Phil and I completed Physical Therapy (his PT for the tendonitis and mine for the broken back). We had gradually been deteriorating after the rehab center closed their indoor pool. Phil did refurbish a bicycle for me and until it got too hot, I was doing some bike riding. I had also started a walking program but once the heat hit, I had to abandon it. I don’t do well in the heat. When I’m overheated it triggers a migraine. 

            Brighten Green Community Center’s pool is an outdoor community pool. We have gone every day except for one afternoon where there were thunder storms. Today I took my grandchild and two of her friends. (Again, something I’m amazed that my daughter might allow.) We were the only ones using the pool from 12:30 to 2:30 except for an older man who came in, swam four laps, and left. The girls seemed to enjoy the pool. Even as the afternoon wore on, there were only a few families that came by. From what I can ascertain, the pool has a fairly small number of families on a good year and this year many did not enroll because of COVID-19. I’m impressed with the pool and the facilities. Although it appears old, it is well-maintained, clean, and well-organized. It is a nice size. The children seem calmer and better-behaved than I recall children being in the distant past (late 1980,s and 1990’s) when I was taking my own children to the community pools at Harrisonburg and Broadway. 

July 21, 2020

            I’m listening to the news. Some experts recommend rationing the news as the daily climbing counts of infected and dead simply add to one’s depression level. But I listen anyway. Not knowing is harder. There is a case today of a Kentucky couple who had to be court-ordered to isolate after being identified as COVID positive. They refused and now have ankle monitors. They are protesting their “rights” to go out and move as they please, even if they infect others and others die. They say, “We have done nothing wrong.” It is hard to know how to respond. 

            As a college professor, I noticed the growing “entitlement” of college students. Many were simply purchasing a diploma. As a faculty member, I knew that the Commonwealth of Virginia was subsidizing each student’s education. My allegiance was not to the “student purchaser” but to the Commonwealth. The citizens of Virginia had a right to expect that a college degree meant that the student had acquired needed knowledge and skills. I am proud to say I kept my standards high and the grades in my courses differentiated the student levels of attainment. The students knew I was serious. One year, the Psychology Club gave ‘awards’ to each faculty.  I was voted the ‘Most Likely to Use Every Second of Class Time.’ The next year I was voted ‘Most Likely to turn a One-Credit Course into a Full-Time Job.’

            Today Phil and I watched Julie (our grandchild in New York) and our Richmond grandchild during a virtual class on engineering. One of my Richmond daughter’s friends has an educational consulting business and I purchased the course for the two older grandchildren. It started yesterday and continues all week for a half hour each day. It was fun to watch Julia especially as we have not seen her. Erika (Julia’s mother- my daughter who lives in New York)tried a few ZOOM calls and decided she did not have use for them, so all we see are pictures of the children when Erika puts them up on FACEBOOK. It was nice to watch Julia. She is an intense child and she worked hard during the class time and participated well. Our Richmond granddaughter is helping with the class as a ‘teaching assistant’ and it was fun to watch her in that role. 

July 22, 2020

            As I mentioned yesterday, my older daughter’s friend is an educational consultant and she is offering online (virtual) learning experiences. One is about engineering. My son-in-law Kevin (married to the younger daughter Erika) is an engineer and Julia, their 5-year-old wants to be an engineer, too. So to help my older daughter’s friend and because I thought Julia would like the course, I purchased it for her. My older daughter’s child (age 11) was also taking the course as a “helper.” The course meets for a half hour in the mornings. Each morning a concept (such as ‘What is a Pulley?’) is explained and the children decide how to make their own pulley (which they fashion after class in the afternoon and the parent sends in a video of how it works). 

            My daughter’s friend is very skilled. She has two daughters of her own. What was most interesting to me observing the ZOOM class is the differential treatment of the girls versus the boys. I’ve read research in this area and watching the ZOOM class made that research come alive. 

            The research I recall compares mixed sex education versus same sex education (a topic of likely of interest to a Museum of Women’s History). What I recall from the research (quite old research I admit) is that when girls and boys are grouped together, boys do most of the talking and receive most of the attention from teachers. Girls ‘hang back’ and volunteer less, especially in areas of math and science. I don’t recall the conclusions from the research, but obviously there is some support for same-sex education if one wishes girls to learn and practice leadership skills. 

            Well, for the three sessions I have watched, it is certainly true that the boys received the “lion’s share” of the attention (to the point that I wondered why I paid a premium price for Julia to enroll in the course). There are three boys and three girls in the learning group. I had not planned to monitor participation, but when I observed that the boys were “hogging” the show, I began to count. Boys talked more and longer than the girls. Boys interrupted, sometimes with appropriate questions and sometimes with extraneous material. The girls did not interrupt. Boys went first (whether by choice or because the teacher called on them first). The teacher redirected and responded to the boys more frequently than to the girls (more than likely because the boys were more disruptive and/or demanded more attention). The boys received more encouragement and more praise than the girls. The names of the boys were mentioned more frequently by the teacher. Julia was rarely the one in the bigger ZOOM frame (the bigger ZOOM frame is for whoever is speaking). 

            Julia has been trained to wait her turn, to refrain from interruptions, and to wait to be called upon. Although she fidgeted and was obviously upset by the attention given to the boys (and the lack of attention to her), she remained quiet and focused and participated appropriately when called upon. 

            Right now with the protests about ‘Black Lives Matter’ there is considerable attention to the disparity in education and educational opportunity between white children and minorities. However, I wonder if anyone is giving attention to the great disparity between the educational experiences offered to girls versus the educational experiences of boys. 

            My mother was one of nine children. She was born in 1908. After she finished sixth grade, her father said she could work in the tobacco factory until she married.  My mother had other ideas. She arranged to live with and work for a dentist in a nearby town. In exchange for making meals for his family, cleaning his house, and caring for his children, my mother was allowed to attend school. She worked her way through high school, paving the way for her younger siblings to also become educated. So it was not that long ago that female offspring (especially Mennonite girls like my mother) were offered little education at all. After graduating, my mother moved to Philadelphia and completed a secretarial course at Temple University. She worked as a secretary, always wishing she could have completed college. She wanted to be a teacher, but had to settle for being the secretary for the high school. She performed well in this role and worked until she was age 75. 

July 23, 2020

            It is frustrating that one has nothing to do for days on end and then two things happen at the same moment. Instead of being able to watch Julia during her engineering class, I had to meet with the contractor who built our sun room extension and settle the bill. 

            The sun room addition has been very frustrating. We put our deposit down in mid-December, 2019 and the work was supposed to begin February 23, 2020. However, the engineer in charge of creating the drawings had a heart attack in January. Apparently the company had no back up other than this one man. He recovered, went back to work, and then was diagnosed with COVID-19 and hospitalized. He recovered. However, getting the drawings took a long time. They started work June 29th which was the same day my eye surgery happened. Again- nothing for months – and then two large events the same day. 

            Perhaps it is true of contractors in general but the company rep did not communicate well during the four-month time period that we were waiting. Calls and e-mails from us asking the status of the project went unanswered for weeks. During the project the pattern continued. The crew said they would see us the next day and then no one appeared for several days. No one answered calls, texts, or e-mail. One was stuck at home waiting in case someone showed and wondering whether or not they would appear at all. 

            The work was at least entertaining. Now we need to get the flooring down. It was scheduled for August 10th (our 51st anniversary) but we got a notice saying we are now scheduled for August 4th which is the same day as my eye surgery. This strengthens the premise that after days of nothing, two important things will occur at once. 

            We began the addition to enclose an outdoor hot tub. Phil and I have had a hot tub for about 40 years and use it daily. It is especially helpful with our more recent injuries (his tendonitis; my broken back). We had our hot tub at the farm indoors in a conservatory. I don’t like going outside to use a hot tub. Thus, when we bought our current home in Richmond, the plan was to enclose the hot tub by adding an extension to the sun room. After the permits were finally obtained in June, we went in to talk to the sales rep at the hot tub place. He said they sold over 4,000 hot tubs since the pandemic began. People could not go on their usual vacations and instead were purchasing swimming pools and hot tubs. He said it would be 12 weeks until he could deliver our tub as the factory was “backed up” despite hiring more shifts of workers and working 24-7 (three shifts) instead of one shift. I guess in any calamity, there are winners and there are losers. The hot tub industry apparently is a winner. Apparently construction is also a winner. Our construction folks said they were inundated with requests as everyone was sitting at home and wanted to get projects done. Lowe’s parking lot is always packed.

July 24, 2020

            Today was a totally satisfying day- the first one since the pandemic onset in mid-March. Our Richmond daughter called about arrangements for the day. We were to come to her house and watch the Engineering class, and then take our grandchild for the afternoon. Our Richmond daughter said she and her husband would meet us at the pool and stay for dinner. This will be the first meal they have had at our house in 2020 (since we were in New York for January and February). 

            Phil and I quickly did some grocery shopping, returned home and got the meat marinating and few other preparations done. Then we drove to our daughter’s house and watched the Engineering class. I had missed most of Thursday’s session. Somewhere along the line, the instructor apparently saw that the girls were getting left in the dust. She made active attempts to include the girls, including calling on them first, referring back to some of the comments that the girls made, and encouraging the girls to talk longer and add more to their reports. The class was much more “even” in the children’s participation and Julia was visibly more relaxed. Her sister Lily (our third grandchild, age 3) even came over to look at the projects and glance at the screen! 

            After lunch, I suggested that our granddaughter bring some of her summer book club books to read. Our bank offers up to $25 for summer reading from a specific book list that they generate. She brought three books and spent over 2 hours reading them and writing her book reports. Then we headed over to the pool. I thought it was fairly empty for a Friday afternoon. Our granddaughter had fun with her parents in the pool and we had a good meal afterwards at our house. Both our daughter and our son-in-law were tired. Our son-in-law fell asleep at the pool and our daughter likely fell asleep on the ride home. 

            It was even fun to do the dishes. We had not used the “good” dishes and glassware in months and it was fun to polish the glasses and set them on the table! Sometimes it is nice to have everything pretty and have the table look nice. Food even tastes better when it is served well in a pleasant atmosphere. 

            Even the weather cooperated today. It is raining now- a gentle rain that we need- and it waited until after dark. As they say in Camelot, “The rain never falls until after sunset!” 

July 25, 2020

            Today is Saturday (not that it matters- every day is the same except for church on Sundays on the internet). On a prior trip to the local greenhouse, we had found some stone that we liked. Around the side of our house is an area where loose stone helps direct moisture and provides a walkway. Now that we added to the sunroom, more stone is needed to bring the walkway and moisture control around the area of the new addition. The stone is a field stone, bigger than flag stone but similar. 

            We purchased the large pallet of stone, hoping the business could deliver it. Alas, their truck was too big for our driveway. We decided to make multiple trips and transport the stone in our small trailer. It was hot and we are old. However, we returned home, hooked up the trailer, and drove back. A worker took pity on us and our limitations and helped load the stone. Some pieces were pretty substantial. We drove home and the car air conditioning allowed us to recover a bit. Then we unloaded, taking wheel barrow loads to the site. Phil further damaged his foot, but we got it all moved. We traveled back again and got the second half of the pallet. It is sitting still in the trailer. We will unload when the heat breaks and when Phil’s leg and foot are healed. Or I may take care of the smaller pieces myself and enlist our son-in-law to help with the bigger stones. 

            Growing old is challenging, with or without the pandemic. One either has to figure out how to divide tasks comprising a project and divvy them out according to one’s energy and strength or else hire someone to do the things one used to do. Part of why our sun room addition was frustrating was that we could have done it ourselves, had our health and stamina been better. Watching others work (especially when they are not very competent) is difficult. Paying for work that one used to do oneself is also painful! 

            I’ve been thinking today about John Lewis. His body is traveling over the Edmund Pettus Bridge where he was assaulted as a young man by police. We should name that bridge after John Lewis. 

            There has been a fair amount of commotion about a rude senator who called a woman senator a “fucking bitch” and other negative names that disparage women. Among all the calls for civil discourse, I find myself more worried about another tactic frightened men use to discredit and intimidate women. It is the strategy of “Killing Us Softly with Kindness.” Patronizing seems to me worse than name-calling (even name calling that specifically demeans women). Name-calling shows that the bully is scared of the person he is trying to belittle. He perceives the woman as powerful and wants to undercut that power. He is trying to get the woman to ‘back off’ and not make demands or ‘rock the boat.’ The woman is a threat- something to be reckoned with. Patronizing by being ‘extra nice’ or by simply ignoring the woman has a different message- you are unimportant and your thoughts and words don’t matter.  You will simply melt away or go away and I don’t have to take you seriously. In the extreme, the woman doesn’t exist and there is nothing to discuss. Patronizing invites the woman to escalate her behavior or to act poorly just to get the man’s attention. I would rather be called names – at least I’m taken as a serious threat. 

July 26, 2020

            Today was quite a different day. Our friend David was in town, helping his college-age children move into housing in preparation for the school year. One of his children graduated last year and lives in Richmond. She just started a job at VCU Health Center on the transplant unit as an intake worker. His other two are in college and had moved home in March when the pandemic began. Seeing a friend from our home in Harrisonburg was quite a change! 

            We sat in our screened sun room with fans going strong. We were able to distance. David stayed and talked. Eventually we decided to go to the community pool for a swim, as it was hot. What a long, leisurely visit. It is amazing how well David and Heidi (his wife) have adapted to the pandemic. They have a new-to-them home and many ongoing projects. Both David and Heidi have adapted teaching theatre to online venues (no easy feat) but it is going well for them. 

            In the afternoon, our daughter called and invited us to a pizza dinner. I made a salad and a desert and we picked up pizza from PaPa John’s. They had modified their store so that orders could be sent through an opening. (It was sort of like banking in the drive-through.) No need to enter the business. The system worked pretty well and I was impressed. 

            While having dinner, our daughter asked if we wanted to set up another beach trip, sometime in September. I was excited. 

July 27, 2020

            Today is the appointment for my physical which is required in order to have my cataract removed. Since I had a physical (with the same nurse) just five weeks ago, it was perfunctory. She spent 11 minutes with me and will charge $100 for the time- no wonder health care costs are escalating to where care is unaffordable. Since I just had a physical, I wonder if the Medicare will pay for a second one (but apparently there is some regulation that one has to have one within 30 days of surgery and they scheduled the surgery out past that 30 day limit). 

            Dealing with one eye totally dysfunctional is annoying and dangerous. I am off balance all the time. Falls are a danger in this condition and driving requires concentration. 

            I have been thinking about health management during a pandemic. One wants to stay healthy and avoid any doctor visits, if possible. My health has changed for the worse during the last few months, however. 

• I eat more and more often, especially at night. I’ve gained 20 pounds and few of my clothes fit. I don’t want to go shopping however, as shopping is high risk behavior. My potential wardrobe has shrunk.
• My dentist asked if I was tooth grinding. I wake up many mornings with a stiff and hurting jaw and I have trouble opening my mouth to eat, so I think the answer is “Yes.” I’ve never handled stress this way before. A dentist-made tooth guard will cost $600. I decided to look for a generic one at Wal-Mart for $26 so I can see whether or not I can even tolerate a teeth guard.
• With little to do, I thought my increased tooth brushing during the pandemic was more than adequate to keep tarter at bay. Apparently not. I’ve got to use a water pick and do a better job. I decide to put in a routine to do this after dinner. Phil watches some TV shows I don’t like, so I can work on this project while he watches TV.
• We haven’t had our aqua class and it is too hot to go walking or biking. My muscles are not doing well and I am stiff. The daily swim in the community pool is helping.

            Of course health and eating and sleeping and routines are all related to mood and depression. Depressive mood is amplified by staying indoors (whether due to the heat or to the pandemic). Lack of social stimulation adds to depression. It is a downward spiral. 

            After returning from the physical, I paid some bills and got the mail ready to go. We send a small package to Lily and Julia at least once a week. This week they will receive two small kites shaped like butterflies in contrasting colors. I found them for $5 each at the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts. 

            Next, I set out to mow the lawn. It was hot, but not as hot as it has been. I got 3/4ths of the yard mowed before I was spent and dripping with sweat. That will have to do for today. Phil worked on moving the field rock we had purchased Saturday. I cut the ground cloth and we started to lay out the rock walkway. However, by this time it was way hot so that activity ended early. We went to the Community Pool for a swim. That was refreshing. 

            We came home in time to watch “Escape to the Country” a BBC production similar to some of the shows on HBO but done much better. Persons wanting to move to the country in Great Britain are shown three properties (one a ‘mystery house’) and in between showings, local artisans and businesses and museums are featured. Phil and I have traveled quite a bit in England and Wales so it is fun to see towns that we visited in our younger years and attractions featured that are familiar. The British do these shows well. When we lived in London, I used to watch one show where local gardens were featured complete with interviews of perfectly ordinary owners and creators of the gardens. Today I was so tired I dozed off and missed two of the showings. 

July 28, 2020

            Most of what Phil and I did during our adult years was work and raise our two girls. I was a clinical psychologist and Phil worked in technical theatre. We both taught on the faculty at James Madison University. We both had additional consulting work. I maintained a private practice and Phil consulted to firms that were building or renovating theatres. We also had a 60-acre farm with plenty of critters. Our girls were active in scouting, 4-H, debate teams, school clubs, track meets and the like. Life was pretty busy. 

            Retirement was a huge transition. We retired in order to help our children and spend time with our grandchildren. We have two little ones in upper state New York and their parents were over-extended with two professional jobs and a farm. We have our oldest grandchild in Richmond. Her parents were well-resourced but used us if we were available. 

            In October 2018 I slipped on the ice and broke my back. Phil had been impaired with tendonitis since a trip to Turkey in 2017 where we had done far too much walking. It was apparent that we could no longer manage the farm. We limped through the winter of 2018-2019 with help from friends and hired help. We heated our 3600 square foot house with wood and that alone was a problem as I could no longer lift the wood and Phil had to fight the pain to haul the wood for the stoves. 

            Despite our maladies, we cleared out 42 years of living. Phil sold pages and pages of farm equipment and flat bed semi trucks rolled in and out of the drive way picking up equipment. I culled through 27 filing cabinets of private practice records and reduced them to 8 filing cabinets. We cleaned and repaired all our furniture (mostly antiques) and moved the lot to our two new homes. 

            We were blessed with an offer 10 days after putting our farm on the market. We closed about a month later. The buyers gave us extra time to finish clearing the outbuildings. They moved in while we moved out and we overlapped by a week. We pulled out with the last moving van, leaving memories of a very active lifestyle. 

            In fall of 2019 we were mainly in New York, doing some volunteer work and helping with the little grandchildren. It was pretty active but not the pace we were used to. I went from 50 to 100 E-mails a day to less than 20. I went from hours on the telephone to almost no calls. I realized with some surprise that most of our social interaction was at work. Even though we had retired in stages, it was a shock. When the pandemic hit, the isolation was immense. 

            Today, a Tuesday, began early. I woke at 5:30 and Phil was already downstairs. I slept a bit more, and then went downstairs to a cup of coffee. It was going to be hot again, so I went outdoors while it was reasonably cool. I began positioning stones in the new area of the swale. In less than half an hour, I was sweating, even though the sun was barely out and I was working in the shade. 

            I went back into the air conditioning and promptly fell asleep while watching the morning news. I awoke as one of Phil’s favorite shows, Perry Mason, came on. I find these old shows somewhat tedious- Phil loves to watch Jeopardy, MASH, and Perry Mason. 

            After Perry Mason, we headed out to do errands, our favorite activity. For almost the first time, the bank drive through had no wait line. Then we headed to Wal-Mart. I never used to shop there- now, with all the closings (and the need to limit trips to stores) we shop there about once a week. It is one of the few places that one can get most things on the list, including groceries. They do have the freshest corn. Probably due to high turnover of products, the corn on the cob is always fresh and sweet.

            Today we get some groceries, the “tooth guard” (for the night time tooth grinding) and liquid tears. I never had dry eyes but now the one with the cataract removed is often dry and itchy. The nurse said to buy liquid tears as dry eye is often a side effect. I always check the children’s clothing when we are in Wal-Mart and they had just put out slacks and long-sleeved tops for fall. I guess there is so much talk about school that they are getting into school preparations. The new fall school supplies were also displayed. I rarely get to a store right when the new merchandise is being displayed. It felt good to get two matching outfits for Julia and Lily for fall- all the sizes were there. I’m generally the one going through every pair of pants and disappointed to find the sizes I need are all gone. I wanted to get some replacement flowers for the ones that died but Wal-Mart had cleared out all of their plants except for cactus and indoor plants. Oh, well. 

            We got home in time for me to log into the computer for a ZOOM session on birds from the Cornell University Ornithology Lab. They had over 5,000 viewers. Right after that I did a free continuing education seminar on forensic assessment. I was the primary forensic psychologist for my town for many years and I’m still doing testimony on old reports. The workshop dealt with how to make adjustments due to the pandemic. I’m so glad I don’t have to risk my life going into jails and the local hospital psychiatric unit in order to perform assessments. It is difficult to think about how the assessment could be done safely since online options have major problems. 

            Next we picked up our grandchild from her camp. This week she is attending an “adventure camp.” She also went last year. It is outdoors. Yesterday they did a kayak trip and today was rock climbing with a swim in a pond. There were a pile of children but supposedly they are social distancing. We had dinner with her and her parents, which is always a pleasure. Tonight was burrito night and we made our own from the offered ingredients. Tonight we might get some rain- we need it as I have been using the hose to water the plants and bushes. 

            Today seemed more like a normal day. While we have to juggle masks and I always wear gloves, those habits are pretty ingrained at this point. 

July 29, 2020

            Today was a pretty special day! Museums are starting to reopen. The Valentine Museum is one. They are now doing timed tickets and allow only 20 people for each time slot. I signed up for the first time slot. Only two other tickets for that time had been sold. We arrived and sure enough, there were only four of us in the museum! They must have had a walk-in for later another visitor appeared. It was great fun to see the museum collections, even though only part of the museum was open. 

            We came home and had lunch and then headed back to the greenhouse where there was a one-day sale on rock. We needed a bit more fieldstone to finish the swale. It was hot and loading stone by hand is hard work. On the way back, we stopped at the pool for a swim. 

            I prepared food for supper and packed it in the cooler. Then we picked up our grandchild at her camp. After dinner with her and her parents, we watched her virtual piano lesson. 

            It felt like a normal day. We need more days that feel normal. 

July 30, 2020

            The sales rep from Patio Enclosures was supposed to come today, but cancelled and wants to come next Tuesday. Another example of how this pandemic works. Nothing happens for days, and then two or even three important events occur at the same time. So next Tuesday, August 4th will be my eye surgery, the floor installation for the sun room, and the window people to see if our damaged sun room curved glass can be replaced. 

            I spent some time this morning researching online what museums are now open and their procedures and policies. We have to be picky about what opportunities we choose. It is beastly hot and Phil can’t walk very far, so outdoor hikes or even walks in the park are not possible. When the weather cools, I will be able to do some walking, but Phil will not. 

            This morning Phil and I worked on the swale and mulching the area that was torn up from the construction. It was SO hot! I completely drenched my clothing with sweat and finally had to stop. Phil should not be working in the heat either. We came in just in time for John Lewis’ funeral. So many emotions! The man was a giant and we all need to follow his example. President Obama’s remarks were inspiring and I hope they reverberate throughout the country. I am so worried about the upcoming election. It feels as though we are headed to a dictatorship. Trump is even trying to delay the election. NPR reported that this country has always held the election on time despite war and similar emergency conditions. Trump is threatening to contest the election if he does not win and says that he will refuse to leave office- unprecedented! 

            After the funeral we dressed for the pool. On the way, we did errands- picked up library books and went back to the greenhouse for more on-sale mulch. The pool was welcome. We go every day and people are starting to say “hi” and in some cases, chat a bit. It breaks the isolation. One woman who talked with us had expected to return to work this week but the company delayed. It is hard to deal with the uncertainty, she said. She does not know whether or not they will return next week, or later, or not at all. One of her children starts college this fall. Her income is needed. 

            It may rain this evening. I hope so. The trees are losing their leaves and it looks funny to have dead leaves all over the yard. Everything is thirsty and it is hard to keep everything watered. Our neighbor has been watering his yard but we have no system for yard irrigation. 

July 31, 2020

            Well we got rain! We don’t have to water today or go to the church to water their planters. It was cool enough that I could complete the swale path. The rock looks great! I also did the mulching. Once again, by the time I finished the yard work, I was drenched in sweat. Living in the mountains all those years makes this hot weather even more difficult. 

            We went to the pool to cool off. I’m glad that our daughter got us the membership. It has been a god-send. 

            I’ve begun reading White Fragility. Until reading this volume, I had thought that perhaps I could help DO something that would improve conditions for minority individuals. I’ve helped create social change in child protection and I feel my efforts were successful (for instance, in 2009 I was selected by the Virginia Library Association as a Virginia Woman of History for my work in child protection). 

            The author of White Fragility seems to imply that the only thing a white person can do is to berate oneself for hidden racism. If one actually made an effort to help improve conditions or cause social change, such as people in the 1960’s who marched to support reforms, she minimizes and mocks those efforts. She writes, “How many white people who marched in the 1960s had authentic cross-racial relationships with African-Americans?.....Perhaps many of those white Northerners who came down South to save black people had some patronizing or condescending attitudes? …. Did they say many racially problematic things that Southern blacks were forced to endure?” (p. 82). Even if white reformers harbored some racist attitudes, is it not important for them to act upon higher ideals of equality for all in spite of ‘hidden prejudice’? Don’t all reforms happen in spite of our flaws? 

            To me, it is pretty obvious that systemic racism exists, that most of us have some negative thoughts/ideas and subtle or not-too-subtle racism, and if we wait for ourselves to be free of any negative attitudes, then nothing will change. I believe that one changes behavior and social conditions and power differentials, and gradually attitude change follows. Let’s get social conditions better. Let’s make certain everyone can vote, that real estate is offered equally to all, that all schools have similar resources. In short, let’s give power to minorities now and worry about some unconscious thought or feeling later. It’s like saying that women should only get to vote after men have examined themselves and rid themselves of sexism. Men had to act in order to allow women the right to vote. Plenty of men have sexist attitudes but life is better for women when rights are equal (or more equal- we certainly don’t yet have equal pay for equal work). When I consider the men whose work made it possible for women to vote, do I care if they retain some sexism? Let’s tackle one thing at a time. Grant us rights and equality first, and worry about attitude change later. Change is always in increments. 

            Erika sent pictures of the girls and they came today in the mail. I miss them so much. It is a dull ache now. We hope to travel to New York at the end of August. Hopefully, Virginia will off the “list” of those who have to quarantine if they enter New York. We will see. 

August 1, 2020

            I got things done today. I washed one side of the house and the windows. It was a little cooler after the rain last night, so I was able to get that done. I also filled the bird feeders- the birds were upset as they were low. I do enjoy watching the many birds! 

            Our daughter called and said they would come tomorrow afternoon and will meet us at the pool. They will stay for dinner. So Phil and I went shopping for groceries. They are purchasing a spot for our grandchild at the JCC (Jewish Community Center) but will not send her the entire time. I guess that makes sense in case Phil and/or I keel over. We agreed to stay to help our granddaughter with school and I doubt that the JCC youth will be able to adequately assist all the enrolled children. Maybe she can go for part of the day so she has some socialization. 

            After unloading the groceries, we went to the pool. I finished a book written by Ann Rule, the crime writer. We saw a case she had worked on discussed on TV and ordered several of her books from the library. I looked up her biography online. According to Wikipedia, in her last years, when she was in her 80’s, her 50-something son assaulted her as well as stole money from her. How sad. She was a writer of true crime stories; she became a victim of crime. I’m so thankful for our girls. While they are sometimes annoying, they are healthy, work hard, have successful careers, and appear to have supportive spouses. And they put up with Phil and I reasonably well. 

Thoughts on Being a Contact Tracer

            I was extremely bothered when the pandemic hit. Our planned volunteer work in Richmond did not happen as the agencies closed. Our daughter objected to us doing anything.  I felt that it was unfair to have young people (who had families and children) bear all the responsibility to fight the pandemic while elder people with skills simply stayed home. So I volunteered for the Virginia Medical Reserve Corps and worked as a contact tracer. In the early days, we went through several systems. I had to stop volunteering two weeks before my eye surgery and quarantine for 14 days so I stayed healthy. 

            Contact tracing was not hard. I’ve taught interviewing to people and done telephone interviews all my adult life. What was difficult was doing interviews with a translator. Maybe half of the individuals I was assigned to follow did not speak English. I have had much practice in interviewing non-English speakers through my consulting work at the hospital so I was experienced in using the “language lines.” But it is always disconcerting to work with an interpreter. One has the sense that much is lost in the translation. The person being interviewed speaks for several minutes and speaks quickly. The translator gives only a short sentence or two to summarize what the person said. I always wonder what is missing! 

            At the start of the pandemic, people were off work and being paid. They were generally amenable to the two-week Quarantine procedures. They wanted the paperwork sent so they could show employers and continue to be paid while they remained at home. 

            But as businesses began to open, and the Commonwealth entered Phase II and Phase III, people were no longer amenable to the idea that they had been exposed to COVID-19 and therefore needed to quarantine. A sort of fatigue had set in. Careful interviewing revealed that people were working despite needing to quarantine (which in Virginia was voluntary) and they were sending their children to homes with known COVID-19 infection during their work times because they had no child care. What seemed most effective was intervention with employers who then insisted that people stay at home. 

            Of course the Black Lives Matter protests were occurring as well. It was awkward trying to inform people they should not be out near groups when one could tell that the person felt a moral obligation to join the protests. 

August 2, 2020

            Last week our friend David was here so we missed virtual church. Today, we attended both services (upper state New York and Richmond) over the internet. Our Richmond church also had a congressional meeting and it was sad to learn how badly their finances have fared during the pandemic. Along with other causes that we support, we will need to evaluate whether or not we can give more. 

            Since my eye surgery is Tuesday, I tried to finish the weed-eating today. Having particles flying about is not a good idea while recovering from eye surgery, so I wanted to get the yard in reasonable shape. We had planned to meet our daughter and her family at the pool but it was thundering when we arrived and the pool was closed. Later, the rain came. We went back to our house and we all ate at our place, so that was good. School will start soon and it is stressful I think for parents to decide how to manage both school for their children and the work responsibilities. Our daughter and her husband have good decision-making skills, but the weight of those decisions is high. 

            On a very sad and worrisome note, our daughter shared that her husband’s grandmother’s residential center had 8 residents with COVID-19, plus one resident who died of COVID and nine staff members who have COVID. It is scary to think that she (a woman in her mid-90’s) is now living close to the virus. I think it is ironic that she has not been allowed visitors for five months now (because the residence would not allow it). But had she visited, the source of COVID infection is unlikely to be her family. Rather, if she gets COVID and dies, it will be from staff bringing it in. If it were me, I would rather get COVID from exposure to my family than be isolated for five months and then get COVID from staff. Residents are dying due to staff bringing in the virus and those residents haven’t been allowed to see their family for five months. How sad is that for someone in their 90’s? 

            The inability of Congress to authorize an extension of unemployment benefits is also disturbing. People will soon be without housing. It is ridiculous for Republicans to say that the benefits are reinforcing people to avoid work. If people are “avoiding work” then they likely have elderly in their home, children to care for (who aren’t in school), or are scared to death that they will contract COVID-19. Most people like to work and are proud to be self-supporting. We have “opened” too quickly with devastating results. 

August 3, 2020

            The crew from Better Flooring came today to lay the floor in our new addition and in the old (existing) sun room. When they removed the carpet from the sun room, a section of floor in a corner was rotted and wet. We discovered that whoever installed the sun room years ago had failed to put calking on a small section outside and water has been seeping onto the floor for years. The carpet hid the damage. (Who puts carpet in a sunroom?)So instead of a completed job, we have a contractor coming tomorrow to repair the floor and then the flooring crew plans to return on Wednesday. 

            I finished White Fragility. The part of me that is most sarcastic thinks the concept is a scam. Since the author advocates that one  “correct” themselves and rid their heart of racism before doing anything helpful, then the process (which takes years if not a lifetime per the author) becomes a grand excuse to keep minorities ‘down and out’ until white people self-examine and rid themselves of racism. How does that move people forward? Ridding one’s heart of racism does NOT redistribute wealth, improve schools, help people vote and elect like-minded people, help minorities out of poverty, improve the criminal justice system or enact any of the pressing reforms that might make minorities more comfortable. If minorities have power and a comfortable life, do they even care what white people think? They could simply laugh all the way to the bank. If minority folks could choose between having power and resources or having whites self-examine and admit to racism, which might they choose? Has anyone asked? 

            Our granddaughter went to the Jewish Community Center program for the first time today. She was eager to go. When I picked her up she reported a great day. There are only 8 girls in her group and most are younger than she. She has to wear a mask as she is over age 10 and only one other child had to wear a mask. 

            I got home in time for my CE workshop. I’ve now completed (for free!) the year’s worth of CE (July 1, 2020 to June 30, 2021). I can “carry forward” 7 hours so the next CE will be applied to July 1, 2021 to June 30, 2022. How is that for advance planning during a pandemic? 

            This morning I helped the church garden team (Unity of Bon Air) “ready” the garden for the hurricane that is approaching. I came home and did the same for our yard. It is discouraging to have a hurricane on top of a pandemic. The stress is multiplicative rather than additive, I think. 

            Tomorrow is my eye surgery. I’m nervous about it and the hurricane does not help. The news is predicting power outages. All I need is to be in the operating room and have the power go out. I don’t have much surgery in my history. I was having a skin cancer operation on 9-11. When I came out of the operating room, the Twin Towers were gone. I was the last operation completed that day. The hospital had been put on high alert in case there was tragedy in Washington DC and people had to be shipped to the Shenandoah Valley. All operations were suspended. As I left the hospital, people were lining up to give blood in anticipation of a major disaster and need for blood. (Phil and I can’t give blood as we were in England during the “mad cow” disease time frame.) It is amazing how the community pulls together during a crisis and I see that in the pandemic. During the 9-11 days, those who refused to help and caused problems were not so obvious. Now there are a substantial group of people who won’t wear masks and who defy reasonable orders to distance. 

August 4, 2020

            Today illustrates the principle of nothing much happens for days and weeks and then two or more important events occur together. 

            The hurricane rolled through last night with flooding and power outages for 3 million people, including us. I wondered if my eye surgery would occur. However, they got the power back on around 9:00. 

            The contractor repairing the floor called and we called him back when we had power. He came with two men. I’m not certain why three people and two construction trucks were needed in order to replace one floor board. However, Phil was willing to not do the work himself, probably a good call given the heat, his leg pain, and his overweight. It is sad that we just aren’t up to do these things anymore. It is fortunate that Phil is still alert, however. There was a particular way he wanted the job done, and despite the language barrier (two of the three only spoke Spanish) Phil was able to communicate his preferred way to do the job. Luckily the contractor was willing to do things Phil’s way and we supplied some of the materials such as the insulation from our stockpile. They completed the work about when I left for the surgery. 

            Our daughter arrived to take me to the surgery. She was aggravated about the power outage. Our grandchild’s program had closed for the day. Our daughter had experienced problems getting devices to work and she and her husband had packed up to go to U. of Richmond to their offices due to the lack of power at their home. By the time they got to U of R, the power was back to their neighborhood.

            The eye institute was deserted. I waited about a half hour before someone came to check me in. All the staff was different. A cheerful nurse made the surgery prep sort of bearable as she prattled on. The anesthesiologist was totally different – a woman this time. We failed to communicate well. The prior surgery had been only five weeks ago, but the surgery procedures seemed to have changed. I commented on this and the nurse says I probably did not recall correctly due to the anesthesia. But I had given permission only for a local nerve block and should have been alert throughout. 

            This time, the operation seemed to take longer. It was extremely uncomfortable, in part because the surgeon was training a student and he stopped to narrate and explain each of the steps. I recognized the student as one of the staff that I had seen on a prior visit. The operation felt different. I could feel the suction of the cataract pieces (a process that seemed to take a long time). I felt the incision for the lens. It did not appear to go in well. Altogether, I was there about an hour or more which was longer than for the prior operation. 

            The discomfort continued at home. I was too wiped out to make dinner and Phil heated a frozen pizza. My eye hurt (the first operation it had not) and it exuded tears (also different than before). When the doctor called to check on me, he said all that was normal and I could take Tylenol. So I did. 

            I could do little except lay on the sofa and watch The American Experience (on PBS). The Regan years sounded similar to now with failed policies and considerable unrest. I was having my babies during those years and I’m not certain how much attention I paid to politics with two small children, a farm, a full-time faculty position and a part-time private practice. PBS moved on to the Bush administration. Both Regan and Bush looked decent to me on these history programs- caring about their decisions, agonizing over decisions, consulting with reasonable people for the most part. While I disagree with some of the policy, I wish those days were back. Our current President is a criminal and a bully and he has little interest in learning from experts around him. 

August 5, 2020

            My follow up eye appointment was early in the morning. Our daughter had to take me because once again, two important events were occurring together. The floor installation was supposed to finish today and I had my surgery follow up. 

            The surgery follow up did not take too long. The surgeon was fairy non-communicative in response to my questions. He said everything went fine. I’m not supposed to lift things for four days and I should not swim for a week. He’ll see me back September 8th. I have the same two medications to put in my eyes. He appeared distracted and he failed to include my prescriptions in my packet- the nurse called after hours- she had found them while closing the office. She said she would mail them to me as I had some medication left from the prior surgery and may not even need the refills. 

            The floor was well on its way when I arrived home. The installer finished before I needed to leave to pick up our grandchild at her program, so Phil could come also. We retrieved our granddaughter without incident. After visiting with her for a bit, Phil and I stopped at Lowe’s to get the recommended cleaning products for the flooring. We came home and washed the floor. 

            After the floor dried, we put the furniture in. I’m still not supposed to lift anything, so Phil had to do most of it. It looks good! 

August 6, 2020

            I woke up to the sound of chain saws. Our neighbor to our right had a tree removal company working. He proceeded to remove eight large trees on his property that had afforded us much privacy. Our neighbor said the cedars were dying and he wanted to get them out before they fell and possibly damaged his house or ours. The trees had been a solid wall and impenetrable. Now there is a gaping hole between our properties. We have no windows on that side of our house, but the new sun room we just erected is on that side and is no longer private. The trees had been very tall and in addition provided much shade. I wonder if the azalea bushes will bloom better with more sunlight. There’s always a silver lining. I suppose we need not worry about a tall tree crashing through our roof. 

            The representative from the Sun Room company arrived and measured our windows. He brought samples of glass that could be used in the replacements. We agreed upon what we wanted and he left quickly. He was older, wore a mask, and I was impressed with him. 

            Since we were providing part of the meal at our daughter’s home this evening, we had to pick up a few items at the store. By the time we got back, I had to work quickly to get the salad done and the fruit cut. We packed up and left to pick up our grandchild from her program. Halfway there I realized that I had failed to put the eye drop medication in. So after we had retrieved our granddaughter, we returned to our house so I could do the eye drops. I was glad that she cleaned up her playroom that she had left in disarray. 

            After we arrived at our daughter’s house, our grandchild disappeared to get online with her friend. They had spent the day together at the program but were eager to continue their interactions online. In my day, young girls spent hours on the telephone with friends. It caused conflicts, because only one person could use the phone at a time. Now that sort of contact is unlimited and everyone has their own device! 

            Our daughter has a small garden. I’m amazed that she does. We enjoyed working on it a bit and wrapping the tomatoes to protect them from the squirrels. At our farm I had numerous gardens and a large vegetable garden. My daughter Erika has a large garden on her farm and she cans and freezes and dries her produce, as I did in earlier times. Our oldest daughter, however, was always less interested in the garden. I think it is great that she has a small garden now and is able to enjoy asparagus, beans, lettuce, spinach and some tomatoes. 

            We have three upcoming weeks with no obligations and nothing keeping us in Richmond. I don’t see the eye surgeon until September 8th. Our grandchild’s school does not start until September 6th. Our hot tub will not be delivered until late September or early October. So there is nothing keeping us in Richmond! We hope to go to New York soon. New York has placed Virginia on the quarantine list so that once we arrive, we will be limited to seeing Erika and the children in the yard and to staying at our place. Erika will need to shop for anything we need. But we are eager to go, even if we stay just a few days. There are few cases of COVID in Clinton County, so we are as safe or safer there than in Richmond. I am hoping that our Richmond granddaughter can come with us but we will see what her parents decide. 

August 7, 2020

            Today is Friday. It was a fairly full day. Because of the storm, the Chesterfield County Dump is waiving fees for yard disposal (twigs, branches, debris). Phil spent some time reducing our accumulated pile to small pieces that fit into our trailer. Of course, he missed much that needed clean up, as he is not as particular as I am. So I spent time working after him, picking up fallen debris and added to the pile. I worked slowly and with goggles as I should not be stooping and doing pickup for a few days yet due to the eye surgery. It is hard to adhere to those post-op instructions. 

            Virginia posted over 2,000 (2, 317) cases of COVID-19. The “usual” is about 1,000/day. They said there had been errors in prior postings and a “backlog”. This figure won’t help Virginia get off the list of states where quarantine is needed if one is going to New York. We hope to go to New York sometime after August 16th.

            I watched part of a Facebook event at Voices for Virginia’s Children. They aspire to work towards eliminating racism. There were only 6 people logged into the workshop and three of them, presumably, were the presenters. I recall facing a similar dilemma in early efforts in child protection. How does one reach out to busy people to form coalitions? 

            Phil and I ran some errands and returned close to noon. Our alma mater, Gettysburg College, had a ZOOM session with three of the librarians about books to read during the pandemic. Nine alumni including me had joined to discuss how reading choices had evolved during the pandemic. Some people were reading books about fictional pandemics or about prior pandemics (I have not done this). We discussed whether people read one book at a time (not me!) or read multiple books at once. We discussed what combinations of online reading (such as Kindle, I guess) and holding the actual book. People talked about where they get ideas of what to read. 

            People gave titles/authors they had read recently. I noticed that all of the men mentioned only books by male authors. Most of the women had a mixture of male and female authors, but their selections were heavy on male authors. In contrast, I have read only selections written by females and I try to read books about women. I have read books on Eleanor Roosevelt, Ruth Ginsburg, Michelle Obama, Coretta Scott King, Melania Trump, Shauna Alexander, and books on lesser known artists and historical figures. My classmate, Nancy Springer, wrote a series (Enola Holmes) and I’ve read most of them. I’ve read some of Ann Rule’s books on crimes. I also have been reading by topic: National Parks; birds; history of Richmond (some male authors on this topic!); philanthropy (including a great and slim volume by Bill Gates’ father); racism; poverty.

            I decided to research the ratio of male versus female published authors. This was not an easy search- What time period is considered? What types of publications are included in the count? In any event, all the figures show males publish more and their publications are more often reviewed. When hired, males are paid more for writing. It would be interesting to know how many copies are sold of publications by males versus females and overall earning of male authors versus females. 

            Psychology and medicine used to be male-dominated fields. When I joined the Virginia Academy of Clinical Psychologists, there were only a few women members. Over the years, the composition changed and now the numbers appear about equal when I attend events. I recall looking for a woman gynecologist in Harrisonburg, Virginia when I arrived there in 1975. There was none (unless one wanted to drive 2 hours to Charlottesville). Some years later a women set up a practice and I switched to her. 

            We picked up our granddaughter at her program and dropped her at her home. It was not so hot but we went to the pool. It was refreshing, as usual. 

August 8, 2020

            In days gone by, doing errands was rarely a joint activity. Rather, Phil and I divided the errands so we had more time together for family activities. Now one of our few activities, it seems, is a few (very few) errands. It is so wonderful to have a reason to leave home and see the world that neither of us is willing to stay home while the other does errands. We go together. I used to wonder about people who did everything together and now that is us. I also was suspicious of those who simply enjoyed “driving around,” but now that is an esteemed activity as well. I try to find a new destination each week or at least a different route to go to a regular errand. Life feels like it is closing in.

            Well today was a trip to the dump, a rare treat. Since Chesterfield County waived the fee for yard debris, we thought there might be a long line. However, when we arrived, there was no line. On the way to the dump, a school was setting up for distribution of computer tablets and school supplies. There was a long line by the time we were on our return route. School will be different this year. 

            Since I am still recovering from the eye surgery, I could not help with the Unity garden this morning. Instead, I baked them cinnamon rolls and took them over for a treat for the volunteers. I have quite a bit of yard work and mowing that needs done but it will have to wait until my eye heals. 

            The remainder of the day was predictable. I did some cleaning and some wash. We went to the pool. We read books and napped. I took a walk in the evening as it was a bit cooler than the past weeks. I made an easy dinner- “breakfast for dinner” (pancakes; eggs; bacon; fruit). We need to food shop but it is safer to do that during the week as the stores are less crowded. 

            The statements for our investment accounts arrived today. The stock market appears to be recovering. The accounts for the grandchildren have recovered and two are at their highest point since inception. Our account is recovering well but still is not where it was. It is interesting that the market is back up so quickly. I was fully expecting it to take most of the year to recover, especially with the fluctuations in our success with COVID-19. We aren’t doing that well with containing the virus but the stock market is recovering. Is this an example of “virus fatigue?”         

August 9, 2020

            Today is Sunday. We “attended” two church services, both on line. The advantage of online services is that one does not need to dress up and travel to the church. The disadvantage is that that an online service (particularly the one on Facebook) is less personal and leaves one feeling disconnected. 

            We met our daughter and granddaughter at the pool. Our grandchild brought a friend and they seemed to have a good time. Phil and I left early to pick up some items for dinner. We returned home, prepared the food, and then headed towards our daughter’s house. We had a great meal and good conversation. 

            I continue to worry about our son-in-law’s grandmother. There are now a total of 30 COVID-19 cases in her facility and at least one death. Meals are now in the resident’s rooms (which strikes me as cruel since the staff bringing the meals to the room appears far more dangerous than are other residents). 

August 10, 2020

            Today is our anniversary! Phil and I have been married for 51 years. Phil got an early picture of us and labeled it “Year 1” and then placed it next to a more recent picture labeled “Year 51.” The pictures are kind of cute. He posted the two pictures on Facebook and I reposted on my page. Over a hundred people responded! It was fun to read all the comments and well-wishes throughout the day. They are still coming in. 

            We planned a trip to New York to see Erika and family and to take our Richmond granddaughter with us. This trip is now an annual tradition. The cousins rarely see each other. Meanwhile, Virginia was added to the list of those who must quarantine if going to New York. Even though we have our own house about 15 minutes from Erika and in a rural location, I could not see how it would work out with the quarantine order. There is a mighty fine if the Health Department stops by to check and one is not in their quarantine spot. Then I got what I think is a brilliant idea. We will rent an RV and park it in Erika’s field (she owns 16 acres) and that means we don’t need to “go back and forth” between the houses. We won’t contaminate them as we will have our own space. I found an RV to rent and Erika sent a request for it. We will see how it works out. The rental is expensive but far less than the fines. 

            We had a mighty rainstorm today so we did not get to go to the pool. I had mowed the lawn in the morning (in spite of my healing eye- I wore goggles). I was glad I got at least part of the lawn mowed. It was quite high. The rain was merciless and would not have helped the long grass. 

            I’m headed to take a long soak in the bath tub. 

August  11, 2020

            Today was a bit different of a day. Our daughter forwarded three e-mails. The first was a schedule for our grandchild’s school (virtual/online). The second was a letter from the nursing home where our son-in-law’s grandmother lives. Now a total of 30 staff and residents are positive for COVID-19 and three residents have died. One resident has returned from the hospital and 2 staff recovered and are medically cleared to return to work. The third were a set of documents relating to an award nomination. 

            I worked most of the day on proofing the award nomination and will need to continue that activity tomorrow. A six-page accomplishment document needs to be reduced to 4 pages. Not an easy task. It is always easier to add information rather than to subtract information. 

            We picked up our granddaughter and brought her to our house. We offered to take her to the pool but she declined. She wanted to read a book. She settled into the new sun room and read. I got her some snacks and worked on dinner. 

            Erika called saying she was unsuccessful in renting the RV. We need to return to our original plan and stay in our own place. That’s a perfectly safe thing to do and is the most convenient. I hope it meets the requirements of New York. As Erika says, the regulations have just been published and being so new, it is hard to know how they are interpreted and enforced. I like to obey all laws, not only the “letter” but also the “spirit.” So I will fret and worry that we technically don’t meet some requirement or other. Obviously, we will be as safe as possible- I just had two eye surgeries, we are old, we will not be out in public, and we will socially distance, even from our family. I hope it will be enough. We plan to be in New York only 5 nights. 

            We had a good dinner and good conversation. Joe Biden announced his running mate and that was cheerful. I think he made a good pick, but only time will tell. 

August 12, 2020

            We are just back from the pool. I got in two laps before they had to close it because of thunder and a storm moving in. We are having a series of storms this week. This morning the man came from Better Floors and repaired the caulking on our floor installation. It is not perfect, but it is acceptable. 

            I finished editing our daughter’s award summary of accomplishments and got the volume reduced to 4 pages. My goodness that youngster has been busy in her short career! I’m eating a sandwich and local peaches. The peaches are good this year! 

            Looking back is amazing. Twenty-six months ago (June, 2018), Phil and I rented a home in Chazy, New York near our daughter Erika. We started moving furniture and possessions into that home on our trips up to visit Erika and her family. Nineteen months ago (January, 2019), Phil and I purchased our current home in Richmond. We spent several months redoing floors and fixing things and finished moving in July, 2019 (13 months ago). Fifteen months ago (May, 2019), we placed our farm on the market and it sold 10 days after listing. Thirteen months ago in July 2019, we moved our last load of possessions from the farm and took them to our New York place, then returned to Richmond to finish our move-in there. 

            The timing was very fortunate. I cannot imagine us trying to buy houses, set up two homes (in New York and in Richmond), sell the farm and our additional land, and then sort through and sell or move all of our possessions during a pandemic. There is no way we could have stayed and managed to care for our farm. We are so fortunate and I am so grateful that we had the foresight to retire, close down the farm, and move when we did. We are relatively comfortable, near good medical facilities, and close to our oldest daughter. We should be in New York, however, and I miss the little grandchildren. It is such an ache in my heart. 

            Later we will pick up our grandchild at her program and run her home. The storm will likely have arrived by then. We will also continue shopping for a thermometer. When we get to New York next week we will be required to take our temperatures twice a day and report in (if I am reading the guidance correctly). So far, all the stores are out of thermometers. 

August 13, 2020

            I guess I am more active than my friends. At the start of the pandemic, I spent time tracking down old friends and acquaintances to “touch base” and “compare notes.” Several said the pandemic was not much different than their life before the pandemic (other than the gym being closed). Several said they had so many hobbies and projects that they hadn’t minded the ‘stay-at-home’ orders. Most of my friends seemed to be coping much better than I. When I was younger I got many comments on my schedule and activities (“How do you do all that?” “Don’t you need sleep?” “I can’t believe your output!”).  I guess I’m a bit on the ‘manic’ side. I never thought of myself as hyperactive, but I always had a high activity level.

            Today the “big event” was a visit from our heating and air conditioning service representative. We have been getting “error” messages on the thermostat. He made some adjustments and was on his way. I have been watching videos on the National Parks and I watched episode # 6. The lecturer has been covering volcanoes and talked about the ones on the fault line in Oregon. 

            JMU (James Madison University) Life Long Learning offered a ZOOM talk at noon. A retired couple discussed their pandemic project- building a bridge over their creek and offered many pictures and video of the work. It was fun to see what others are doing with extra time! 

            We picked up our granddaughter at her program. She was having a good time and did not want to leave. It is nice that she has some interaction with other children in addition to those in her neighborhood. Her parents are working hard to try to restructure their courses. They will simultaneously be teaching students who are physically present and students who will be present through ZOOM. Trying to create a system that satisfies both formats and allows the in-person students to communicate with and work with the virtual students is daunting. It is hard to know if all the preparation will result in an effective and workable format for teaching. As might be expected, among other faculty there is considerable debate, incredible anxiety, widely different reactions/perspectives, and much angst as the days count down. In eight days, they will welcome students into the first class. While my daughter Erika (in New York) has been routinely teaching online, my Richmond daughter and our son-in-law have not yet tried that format. Erika’s work will be easier, also, because all of her students will be taught through virtual (online) format and she will have no in-person contact with students. 

            I not only listen to my daughters as they prepare for a very different fall semesters as faculty members, but also I am in contact with faculty at JMU and I receive information about preparations for fall semester from my alma mater (Gettysburg College) and the professional associations that I still belong to send information and offer workshops. I can only rejoice about my “final retirement” from teaching in 2017. My students were in field work placements and I have no idea of how to duplicate those experiences safely following COVID guidelines. 

            We did not get to swim today as there was more rain. I hope that the ground dries enough to finish mowing and weed-eating prior to our departure next Tuesday. My goal for tomorrow is to go to the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts and see the special exhibit. 

            I just finished watching a PBS program on Women’s Suffrage in Virginia written by Laura McMann (I think). It is so astounding to realize the risks that these women took, the arrests they endured, and the abuses they suffered to forward the cause of “Votes for Women.” The movement dared not welcome Black women because their presence was judged to hurt the cause. I have trouble speaking out publically. I wonder if I would have joined the cause or simply silently supported and encouraged. I find their bravery amazing. 

            Despite obtaining the right to vote, things have not changed that much for women or minorities. Other forces have kept women and minorities “in their place.” Only recently have women sought political office. Often other women don’t support the ones who have the courage to run for office. Recently that has changed. I’m glad I’ve lived to see some of the changes. Seeing our president disparage women who are in political office is discouraging, but also galvanizing. Are women going to “take it” and simply watch while men bully them and treat them badly, even in a public forum? Our president recently called a woman politician “nasty.” I saw a comic with a woman and a child dressed in clothing of the 1930’s or 1940’s. The little girl asks, “Mommy, what does it mean if a woman is called ‘nasty?’” The mother replies “it means she is getting shit done.” While crude, the cartoon indicates that effective women are the ones most likely to be “cut down.” So being called names is a sign one needs to keep moving forward and keep getting things done and being powerful. 

            I’ve worked hard throughout my career to improve outcomes for women and children in battering relationships. (Men, too, as some are also abused.) I’ve worked to effect changes in how we handle sexual assault. I’ve felt good about the changes in child protection, and the changes in how society responds to sexual assault and domestic violence.  I’ve seen significant changes in laws, in community response, in education of both school children and the general public. In Harrisonburg, I helped establish First Step (a shelter for battered women) and the Collins Center (a sexual assault response agency). I wrote grants to start treatment programs for those who abuse and those who are victims of abuse. . I lobbied for legal changes and safeguards. I helped train police and first-line responders. I assisted with the creation of Children’s Advocacy Centers where child crime victims can be interviewed and offered treatment in a safe and child-friendly environment. I helped educate judges. I’ve served as an expert witness in many court cases (and continue to do so). I even testified before a congressional committee. These efforts were worthwhile. Significant changes have occurred during my 40 years of work. 

            While I have seen significant changes in child protection, response to domestic violence, response to sexual assault, and even some in animal welfare, there has been less progress in racism and in women’s rights. Would movement to correct racism and strengthen women’s rights be happening without the pandemic? Without the pandemic, would we have experienced the Black Lives Matter marches at this point in time? Would we have a woman of color on the Democratic ticket? Maybe a ‘silver lining’ of the pandemic is social change. We no longer have life as usual (and I think we never will). There is no reason to adhere to the status quo. It is time. To change how we live. 

August 14, 2020

            Today was a bit of a special day. We went to the Virginia Museum of Fine Arts in the morning to see Treasures of Ancient Egypt’s Sunken Cities. It is an outstanding exhibit! There is a limit on how many people are admitted (timed tickets) so it was not too crowded. It feels so good to do something “normal” such as visit a museum. We did not eat there, but they had done well at reorganizing their coffee shop. Many tables were outdoors and spaced far apart- even across the green area quite far away. The indoor tables were separated by high clear plastic panels. They also now offer take out that can be ordered by phone and picked up at the museum door. 

            We went to the grocery and bought a few items we needed like milk and also bought all the snacks and solid foods such as cereal for the trip to New York. We have been looking for a thermometer since New York will be calling and asking our temperature. Most places are sold out of reasonably-priced ones. A few exist at $60. Later when our son-in-law came by , he helped us search on line. 

            We could not swim because it was raining (again). If we get no rain the rest of them month, it will be the fourth highest rainfall in August in Richmond. The weather man on TV expects it to be at least the second-wettest month on record.

            I cleaned out the refrigerator. It seemed to take forever as I figured out how to use what was left. We did not sit down to eat until 7:45. That’s late for us. 

            It was interesting to listen to our son-in-law talk about testing his setup for teaching. He appeared pretty satisfied with the modifications he had made to accommodate spread-apart students (in person) as well as remote (virtual) students. Several other faculty saw him doing a run-through and asked where to buy the equipment he had assembled and how much it cost. The university, of course, has provided a standard set of technology, but our son-in-law was not happy with it and spent his own money to make improvements. He and our daughter have put so much thought into their teaching! 

            This morning’s news from Harrisonburg (where we lived until last year) said that none of the local universities or colleges was requiring testing of the students. I was amazed. In New Jersey, where Phil was raised, 200 teachers refused to return to in-person teaching. In not too long, the school division reversed their decision to open in person. I guess the idea of trying to replace 200 teachers in a week was too much. Most teachers are not so lucky. With few teachers’ unions, not many localities will be able to band together to insist on safety. I’m thinking this is also a women’s issue as most teachers, especially in elementary schools, are women. 

August 15, 2020

            Today there were severe storms. We got over 8 inches of rainfall in just a few hours and our county had serious flooding. Other than watch rain gushing over the yard and into the culvert, there was little to do. I watched another segment of the National Geographic series on our National Parks. Both were interesting.  I watched two PBS segments – one on 10 architectural structures that changed America. Another was about 10 parks that changed how cities create parks. We watched a movie. I don’t usually “binge watch” television and my body got stiff despite getting up to walk about. We lost power, but only for a short time. 

            Our daughter and son-in-law invited us for dinner. They ordered takeout Chinese. Our granddaughter played the piano for us. We played several card games. We took a walk. One of our daughter’s  neighbors was robbed and the thief entered their home at night while they were sleeping. That is disturbing. 

            I’m so very grateful that we now live close to our Richmond daughter (and to Erika when we are free to travel). We were starting to build our “own” life and identity in each locality but the pandemic brought that effort to a near stop. Still, being a part of their lives is better than us being isolated on our farm. As isolated as we have felt, it would have been so much worse if we remained on the farm. We could not have kept up with the maintenance and selling the farm would have become increasingly difficult as aspects of the property would have deteriorated due to our limitations. 

August 16, 2020

            Today is Sunday and another slow day. I cleaned and vacuumed the car in preparation for our trip to New York. I should be excited about the trip but instead I’m filled with dread. I think we will remain reasonably safe from COVID-19. I dread the idea that we may be forced to leave early if our quarantine procedures don’t match the expectations of New York authorities. 

            We attended both church services, as we generally do. I wanted to go on an outing so we drove to the Hollywood Cemetery. I was pleased that it was open for car traffic. Phil and I (and Phil in particular) are in no shape to walk. We drove around sections of the cemetery we had not yet seen. The confederate memorial is impressive. I was relieved that no damage has been done to grave sites. Over 13,000 confederate soldiers and many of the confederate generals are buried in the cemetery. I saw a number of things I had only read about such as the statue of the dog. The cemetery has some beautiful accommodations for burial urns and it was impressive to see how urns are incorporated into the overall cemetery. Under a roof overhang was a teddy bear and some pictures of a recently interred infant. I was astonished that the 8 inches of rain we got yesterday had not reached where it sat. The same was true for a wreath next to the urn spot for an adult interred earlier in the month. The cemetery is high over the James River and we sat and watched the flood waters, still high and churning, far below. 

            I watched another section of the National Geographic lectures on the geology of the National Parks. This segment concerned Alaska and some of the volcanoes there. The PBS channels appeared to be re-running the same shows as yesterday. 

August 17, 2020

            We heard that the second wife of one of Phil’s colleagues at JMU had died of cancer. We had met her only a few times but knew his first wife well as she taught our oldest daughter in both second grade and in sixth grade. Our daughter was also friendly with one of their children and we all attended the same church. He lost his first wife to cancer also. It was sad news. 

            I made a few calls to check on friends. One of our friends who is working for JMU in food service, is deciding whether or not to return to work. She likes the job and the socialization but is in her 60’s and is weighing the risk to herself by exposure to students. She will attend an info session tomorrow about how food service will be structured and then she will decide. 

            I watched a workshop for children offered by my church. They attracted only two children. Watching helped me identify some of the challenges of online learning. Similar to in-person learning, I think it is important to identify specific learning goals. 

            We have some errands to do today but can’t go to the pool. They are closed due to a tree falling on the building and won’t reopen until Wednesday. 

            The creativity of people is amazing. On television they featured a town that is printing its own money during the pandemic to help residents. The money is wooden. The money printing press is in the historical society and was used during the depression to create town money. The wooden money is “backed” by the city. It allows people who don’t have jobs to use the money to buy necessities and is accepted by town businesses.  What an uplifting story- and there are many uplifting stories. I imagine someone is collecting them. Children are sponsoring fund-raisers.  Medical staffs are volunteering. Photography is being done for parents of newborns. Artists are creating portraits of essential workers. Porch visits are available for elderly. Car parades are organized to celebrate birthdays. 

August 18, 2020

            Last night was the Democratic National Convention. I found it very moving, especially Michelle Obama and the song by the children that opened the convention. 

            I was exhausted but could not sleep well as we are leaving this morning to travel to New York. Travel is generally a source of anxiety and it feels worse this morning. At least we have good driving weather. The weather man on TV declared the weather “10 out of 10.” 

            The drive was uneventful, even though there were backups on the other side of the road. We stopped at Gettysburg College (our alma mater) for a bathroom break. I am aware of a barely used bathroom in the student union (it is down a hall past the entrance/exit and just not convenient). I decided this was safer than a fast food restaurant. I took my cleaning supplies and cleaned first. 

             We completed the forms for the New York Health Department. We got a confirmation that said a contact tracer would contact us soon. We had some drama at the hotel as a water main broke and the hotel was without water from 10:30 until sometime after we left the next day. 

August 19, 2020

            We went through a bit of rain but had a fairly uneventful drive. Phil was tired and soon asked me to drive so I drove most of the way. This stretch of the trip is less stressful except for around Binghamton and around Albany. 

            It was so very fun to arrive at Erika’s farm and to see Lily and Julia! The cousins adore each other and our Richmond granddaughter is very good with the younger girls. I could see the strain on Erika however from the pandemic. She has had the little ones at home now for five months all while trying to work and manage the farm. Erika and Kevin are very energetic however and the new projects looked marvelous. They have started to face their house with stone (because the brick is crumbling). They put up the weather vane. The roofs were painted. 

            There’s quite a bit that needs to be done at our house in Chazy. I am learning patience as my primary goal is to visit with Lily and Julia and our Richmond granddaughter. I don’t want to get distracted by cleaning and mowing and other tasks, although I will do some of those each day. 

            We did not hear from the contact tracers today. I doubled checked e-mail and the phone voice mail but there were no messages and no one showed up at Erika’s to check on us. I am relieved as it gives us another day at least to stay and visit. Since I’ve been a volunteer contact tracer in Virginia, I know a little about the role and functions. I have taken two training courses on contact tracing that were not state-specific so there are likely commonalities between the system in Virginia and the one here. However, it is a state system and not a national system so the “rules” and operations can vary considerably. I am not presuming that the system in use by Virginia is at all like the New York requirements. 

            The Democratic Convention tonight was amazing. The message from President Obama was very serious and sobering. Kamala Harris was incredibly thought-provoking. I do believe that the world has changed. We were limping along with minorities doing poorly due to racism but nothing substantial being done. We now have more minorities in leadership positions and we have a greater percentage of people in this country who are minorities. Joe Biden’s contributions to ending domestic violence are impressive. I did not realize the bills he sponsored. If we elect a ticket with a woman as Vice President, that will be a major boost to women. Also, greater numbers of women are being elected into decision-making roles. As I listen to leaders address the pandemic, I’m actually amazed at the number of women who are mayors of major cities. It is so sad to have a president who is a womanizer, a bully, and possibly guilty of sexual assault. I wish someone could tackle the question of why people who call themselves “Christian” support a man who is a criminal, is self-centered, who makes fun of people with handicaps and disabilities, and who disparages women. 

August 20, 2020

            Today was a satisfying and amazing day. We spent most of the day at Erika’s farm. The cousins loved playing together and got along so very well. There was swimming, kite flying, picking vegetables from the garden, helping to feed the animals, making forts, and our Richmond granddaughter trying to teach Julia how to play chess. The girls played a version of billiards with no pool cues but just using hands to move the pool balls. It was a marvelous time. 

            Phil worked on the mower, finally figuring out how to coax it into life. I will start to mow the yard tomorrow. Today as I watched the girls play and supervised while Erika worked online at her job, I weeded the flower gardens. Allowing the three grandchildren the time to create their own games, activities, and fun times is important. I can listen and watch and only intervene when needed. 

            Another day has passed with no call or text or e-mail or visit from the contact tracers. I’m wondering if we will have any contact. Since we are here for only five nights (and two nights have passed) it does not seem it would be effective to contact us our third day here. Tomorrow is Friday. In Virginia, contact tracers are working seven days a week. I wonder if that is true in New York. Our system in Virginia is organized by county. I wonder how the system is organized in New York. 

            We watched more of the Democratic Convention tonight. I worry about our right to vote as well as the possible destruction of Medicare and Social Security. This is such an important election. So much damage has been done- to the environment, to civil rights, to the economy, to school systems, and to human decency. I wonder if we could survive another four years of the present administration. 

August 21, 2020

            Well, the contact tracer finally called! We had a good conversation. She said we would receive a daily test message and would need to respond with our symptoms, if any. She also said she would send us a quarantine agreement. Virginia does both of these steps, so I expected these procedures. 

            The document sent was a bit disturbing as it stated that we had COVID. In actuality, we do not have COVID nor have we even been exposed to someone with a COVID diagnosis. Rather, we live in a state where the data overall does not suit New York. The document said that we must register with the local health district and they would examine our “quarters” and make any adjustment to the quarantine order. 

            I called the local health district to register. I explained that we were healthy people who were visiting and had completed the online form, as required. We had talked to the contact tracer and were enrolled in the text messaging system. I said that the contact tracer had sent a document which ordered us to register with the local health department. The worker interrupted at this point and said, “You are good to go!” I started to explain that the document said that the local health department would inspect our dwelling and she interrupted to say, “I don’t know why you were instructed to call. All we can do is enroll you in the system. You are good to go.” Then she disconnected. I wondered, since she had not gotten our names, how I would ever prove that I really did call the local health department. It was pretty clear that local follow up would be unlikely. 

            The cousins had a great day. They took a hike, painted shells, tried to fly kites, watched a movie, and generally had a wonderful day. 

August 22, 2020

            Erika wanted us to come early so that she was free to help Kevin work on the stone masonry on the back half of the house. We did come early and had a wonderful day. The girls decorated the shells they had painted yesterday. They got out the play kitchen and set up a pretend restaurant. We went swimming in the pool. The girls ran with their kites, trying to make them fly. We worked on a puzzle. Kevin took the girls on a Kubota ride around the farm. After supper we made a bonfire and roasted marshmallows. 

            Our Richmond granddaughter is five years older than Julia and seven years older than Lily. Still, they play together well. Our Richmond grandchild enjoys being the leader. She occasionally makes fun of the younger ones or is annoyed by them. However, she is having such a good time. As she went up to bed, she said she did not want to leave. She missed her parents and friends and thought it would be good if they moved up here. 

            The contact tracing text system called today- three times (once for each of us). The system basically asked one question- whether or not one was experiencing any symptoms. When we replied “No” it texted back “good” and noted how many more days of quarantine we had. 

            It appears that there is no chance that someone will appear to check on us. I don’t know whether or not the local health department has our information. I imagine they do. It is hard to tell whether or not the system is effective. It is stressful, without a doubt. We are well-resourced and our system (spending days outside at Erika’s house while sleeping at night in our own home) is designed to offer us the best protection. It is not a solution that most people would have available. I’m grateful that we have been able to manage this visit. 

August 23, 2020

            Well this is our last full day in New York. It is supposed to rain so I took some games over to Erika’s for the girls to play- checkers; Locomotion; a puzzle. Erika promised them Nitendo for the afternoon activity. I made French toast for breakfast. 

            It was cloudy and the girls played indoor games for awhile. We finished the puzzle from yesterday and did a second one. After lunch, the weather was better (but hot) and Kevin decided to build some fence. He and Erika are gradually fencing the entire 16 acres into various sections for the sheep to use. The girls got to ride in the Kabota Jeep. They explored the woods and picked apples while the adults worked on the fence. It got hotter and I took them back to the house to change into swim suits and go into the pool. Later I packed up the kites so our oldest granddaughter could take them to the beach in a few weeks. 

            We got the automated calls from the contract tracing system. With so many people protesting wearing masks and social distancing, one wonders about the power of automated calls. I wonder how many travelers complete the form upon entering New York. They have a system in place for those arriving by air but no way to check on the people traveling by car. There appears to be little (other than the potential fine) to encourage compliance. Unless one was in an accident or traffic stop or something that might cause police to check their status, it appears easy to avoid detection. I suppose that a local resident could report the presence of someone from out-of-state, but that does not seem as likely. 

August 24, 2020

            It was so hard to say goodbye to Erika and family, and especially to Julia. Julia had grabbed me yesterday and said she was so sad that we had to go and she wished we were staying. Today she started trying to distance herself after hugs- it was evident how much she was hurting, especially as we don’t know when we will be back. 

            We switched cars and picked up Phil’s phone and returned to our house to pack. We take back less than we bring, which is something of a relief. I did pack some extra clothes as I am limited in what I have in Richmond and was planning to mail order some T-shirts since I can’t shop in stores (at least I’m not yet comfortable shopping in stores).

            We drove through rain to Erika’s and there were showers as we left. We soon drove out of the rain and had good weather most of the trip. Thankfully, it was uneventful. We stopped at Stewart’s for a sandwich and a bathroom break. We wear gloves as well as masks in the bathroom and I disinfect the sink and commode before use- I take in Lysol spray and wipes. After using the facility, we discard the gloves and wash our hands. I hope the routine works well. 

            We got to the hotel just fine. I looked to order pizza but it was Monday evening and all the places I called were closed. Phil saw an ad for a diner with outdoor accommodations and we decided to try it. It was well done. They had put an awning over their parking lot and rented space from the next door business for parking. There were moveable flower boxes and hanging flowers, lending a festive air. The tables were set well apart- far more distance than required. All the silverware was plastic in individually-wrapped cellophane. The glasses were Styrofoam and the food was served in Styrofoam “take home” boxes (convenient if one could not finish the meal- it was already to go). I thought the setup was well-done and it appeared safe. 

            I checked to be certain that Gettysburg was still open, planning to use the bathrooms in the student union as our bathroom break. I noticed that while Gettysburg College is open, the campus is not allowing any visitors other than regular contract people who clean or make deliveries. All visitors are required to register and complete an online form and have to be pre-approved. Students are not allowed to have guests on campus and even faculty can’t have family or friends on the grounds.  I’m not certain why these sorts of procedures did not occur to me. I guess that our stop will need to be at a rest area or at a fast food restaurant. 

August 25, 2020

            A travel day is ahead. It is Phil’s birthday today as well. He is 73. We are moving fairly slow and get started later than we thought. 

            While storms are predicted for later, it is a nice day as we begin the journey. All goes well until we get to Leesburg. Phil takes Route 7 the wrong way. I notice it on the tablet and tell him but he refuses to believe me and continues. Periodically, I tell him he’s off route. Finally when we are almost to I81 at the far side of Virginia, he is convinced. By then, the only way back is through winding and steep back roads to connect back to main roads that eventually lead to Richmond. We spend a whole hour on this expedition. The land is similar to the Shenandoah Valley where we lived for 43 years. Under other circumstances it would be a lovely drive. We are tired by the time we arrive at our granddaughter’s home. We stay for dinner and our daughter has gotten an ice cream cake to celebrate. 

            We arrive home to high grass and a pile of (mostly) junk mail. It always takes a while to sort out even after a short trip like this one. Wash to do. Plants need water. Debris and sticks to clear that have fallen from the trees. 

August 26, 2020

            Yesterday was the closing on our office building. I spend most of the day on tasks related to the sale- sorting out how to make distributions; writing a letter cancelling our insurance; talking to the tax accountant. Nothing is simple because of the pandemic. I had called the bank yesterday while traveling home in order to make an appointment to do the wire transfers. The lobby of our bank has been closed since March to usual business and is still closed. The bank was hard to reach and when I called they said that two people (half their staff) were out because of illness and they did not have time to talk. I finally got someone to return my call on towards 4:00. The wire transfers appear more complicated than I anticipated. Therefore, today was spent in part in many e-mails to obtain the information I will need for tomorrow when I have an appointment at the bank.

            I call my insurance agent who has left a message. She is working from home. We get to talking about the life changes caused by COVID. She has her daughter and granddaughter living with her. She says she misses going in to work at the office, even though she does not particularly like all of her co-workers. She mentions feeling depressed and asks if that is a typical response. I share that we have only moved to Richmond recently and we were just starting to make some friends and set up some volunteer work when the “Stay-at-Home” orders were issued. I think low-level depression is a pretty common response for just about everyone. Some of us have more severe reactions. 

            I did some outside clean up today. We picked up a book at the library. There was a Life-long Learning Lecture via ZOOM from JMU by a physical therapist. He covered exercises we can do at home while the gym is closed or if we don’t feel comfortable going to the gym. I am fairly active but I do worry about Phil who is not as active. 

            We picked up our granddughter at her program. She reported having a good time. She did not want to go swimming even though it was a nice day. She likes going home and being on her tablet. I have mixed feelings about extensive hours online instead of active play for children. Her parents used to be very strict about “screen time” and our grandchild almost never watches television. However, the pandemic has changed things. One of the few ways to be social is to play games online or talk online and these have become normal activities. I recall as a teenager, I was limited to 30 minutes of time on the telephone. Everyone in the household had to share the same telephone. Now everyone has their own line. 

            Our daughter tells us that the JCC (Jewish Community Center) that our granddaughter attends is offering a program to supervise children during school hours (for a fee of course). Instead of having us supervise our granddaughter, they are considering sending her there. She will have more socialization with others her age. Also, our daughter and her husband plan to work as much as possible from home and don’t want the disturbance of their daughter having school while they try to work. They have to think of what might work best for them and this opportunity has arisen. 

            Phil and I organized our fall around the idea that we would be helping by supervising our granddaughter so now we likely will need to find something else to do with ourselves. It is almost like being fired from a job. Well, we will see how it goes. We need to stay in Richmond for my follow up appointment from the eye surgery. We also are waiting on the delivery of our hot tub and we have the two days at the shore later in September that is paid for. After all that dust settles, if our daughter and our son-in-law aren’t going to have us help, then we can consider going back to New York. These sudden changes that are so typical of this pandemic are very wearing. I like to plan in advance and know what I’m doing for the next several months at least. However, I’m in a position where Phil and I must await a phone call asking if we can do whatever (pick up our grandchild; prepare a dinner) and often the request is for that day or at the most a day in advance. It kind of holds us captive as we either can’t plan anything else (like volunteering or an expedition to a museum) or we have to be ready to cancel our plans on a moment’s notice. The alternative is not seeing them much at all and that is not acceptable. 

August 27, 2020

            I was tired yesterday and went to bed earlier than usual. So now it is 4:00 in the morning and I am wide awake. I venture downstairs. As I come down the stairs, I am amazed at all the light. Inside the house appliances glow – the dishwasher has a green light indicating it has finished its cycle. The electric stove has a bright digital clock built in; the television set up has red and green lights. Even Phil’s computer is plugged into something with a green light. Outside there is even more brightness. Various neighbors have all-night lighting or they leave on not one but two porch lights. Even though the woods behind us there is light coming from houses on the other side, facing a different street. In Chazy it is even worse as the house we live in sits on a main road and there is some traffic even late at night as well as a street light outside our bedroom window. And, all the neighbors leave on lights.

            At the farm we had only two houses within a mile of ours and we could not see any other house. There was no light at night except from the moon and stars. We used to go into the back field and watch métiers fall. I’m not used to the light pollution. 

            I am enjoying learning more about women’s suffrage. There are various celebrations occurring. A statue dedicated to Women’s Suffrage was erected in Central Park. It is beautiful, with three representatives: Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady, and Sojouner Truth. Truth is speaking; Anthony is organizing; and Cady is writing. Sculptor Meredith Bergmann also featured the Declaration of Sentiments (which I do not recall ever hearing of before).  Last night on the Richmond news they spoke of a woman who pioneered suffrage efforts, Nora Houston. She was an original founder of the Equal Suffrage League of Richmond along with her friend and fellow artist, Adele Clarke. Houston died in 1942. She apparently had no family and was buried in an unmarked grave in Shockoe Hill Cemetery. Someone donated a tombstone to commemorate her. I thought that was lovely. 

August 28, 2020

            Today we met with our financial advisor. It was one of our first in-person meetings since the pandemic began. It felt good to do something normal. 

            We met our daughter and granddaughter at the pool. Her colleague from her department and her child were also there. The children enjoyed swimming together. Later we met at our daughter’s neighbors for a picnic. Due to the pandemic, everyone brought their own food and sat in an area of the yard with their own family. It was hard to talk to anyone but family because it was hard to speak loudly, to hear, and to be heard. So conversation was limited. 

            I have been thinking about the political conventions. I did not watch the Republican Convention because all the lies infuriate me as well as all the bragging and the hate speech. It is strange in a way, but I suppose absolutely predictable that racism has continued but simply moved a bit underground. While I was growing up, it was popular to be racist and racism was blatant. After the Voting Rights Act and desegregation, racism was less blatant. For a time, before Donald Trump, people would not admit to being racist. Now people are more vocal about hating immigrants and blacks. Donald Trump alternates between encouraging racism and saying he is not racist. One difference is that slowly blacks have made inroads. There are black governors of states and black mayors. There are blacks and other minorities that have been elected to Congress and to the Senate. Maybe minorities are in a better position to demand equality. If Trump is re-elected, however, the racists will be emboldened and will start taking away voting rights and other gains. Voting now is tenuous for minorities. We can’t continue to incarcerate people (especially people of color) unless they are dangerous. 

August 29, 2020

            This morning we worked on the garden team for our church. It was good to help, although the heat was a negative factor. I had sufficient energy to do some bush trimming on our place afterwards and before I got a shower. Bush trimming is problematic after eye surgery but I felt the healing was far enough along to take the chance (especially if I was careful). There is still some to do. 

            We made a trip to the Post Office where the staff member was very nice and the line was short, for a change. They actually had two people working which I have not seen for months. Afterwards, we traveled downtown to the location where I will do some volunteer work for the Virginia Medical Reserve Corps on Monday. The location is a bit tricky to locate but I think I can find it again. 

            Our daughter and son-in-law had us for a movie and dinner. Our daughter served homemade lasagna and she sent some home with us. They plan to meet us at the pool tomorrow. On the way home, NPR was talking about hate speech and its evolution in recent times. I’m so very tired of bullying and hate speech. I guess the only advantage is that prejudice and people’s evil intentions are out in the open. We spend so much time with like-minded people that we lose track of the mind set of many in the population. Since I worked as a forensic evaluator, I often encountered crimes motivated by hate and fear so I am perhaps more aware than many of the scary and chilling beliefs and attitudes of many in our population. Living in rural Virginia also exposed me to many who were prejudiced against and disparaging of women and of minorities. I had surmised that about 30% of the population had racist attitudes, accepted male supremacy, and were willing to bully and treat others badly. Now I think it is at least 40% of the population, and perhaps the number is even larger. It is not just a few people who harbor these anti-women and anti-minority attitudes. 

            I was thinking of the status of women today. When Phil and I married, the credit card companies would not issue credit cards to “the wife” but I could use a card with Phil’s name. The utilities had to be in his name, not mine. Repair men would not even talk to women but demanded to speak to the husband or man of the household. There was no such thing as marital rape. Men could beat wives with a stick no bigger than their thumb. If the wife retaliated and injured or killed her husband, she was severely punished by the legal system, with much longer sentences then men who killed their wives. So maybe we have made some progress.

            I’m glad that I am married to Phil and we have had a wonderful partnership and still do. However, if I lose Phil, I will never again marry. Marriage is a contract between two people and the state. I won’t ever again include the government in my intimate relationships if I can avoid it. I might live with a partner, but I will never legalize the relationship. 

August 30, 2020

            Today was a pleasant day. We attended both of our churches by ZOOM and by Facebook. The New York congregation meets only by ZOOM but is exploring some ways to have smaller groups meet for activities. The Richmond church is both in person and on Facebook, but we only attend on Facebook. The Richmond church has stopped some of the online fellowship and that limits how much we can interact, although we can still be a part of the garden team. Sunday is our day to water the planters, so I went over in the evening and did that as well as cleaned out debris from the fountain and its filters. People are still using the gardens for dog walking and meditation or just a nice place to take a short walk. The church has gotten some nice donations since putting out the donation box. 

            We met our daughter and our granddaughter and her friend at the pool. It was not crowded but there were numerous families there. The pool announced that they will stay open until September 20th (weather permitting) so the youth have something to look forward to after virtual school. There will be few school activities this fall as most sports are suspended. Phil and I were glad to hear this news! No additional fees either. 

            I fell asleep after we returned home. Erika called while I was sleeping. We called her back. Her school has suspended 40-some students for gathering at a party. A nearby school (SUNY Oneida) has been closed by the New York governor for having over 100 positive COVID cases. Erika started teaching this week and Lily went to day care. Apparently Julia had trouble entertaining herself with both Lily and her Richmond cousin gone and her mom distracted by school. Next week Julia will spend some days and overnights with her other grandparents and cousins on her father’s side the family. It should be a nice break for her as her other grandparents live on Lake Champlain. 

            Tomorrow we help with our Richmond granddaughter. I also am signed up to help with the Medical Reserve Corps as a volunteer (which I committed to prior to our daughter asking us to spend the day with our granddaughter). We shall see how this works out. 

August 31, 2020

            Today was a good day. We helped care for our Richmond granddaughter. She is mainly concerned with her friends, so she rations how much time she relates to adults. Still, it is good to be with her and she shares things she is doing on her computer. After making her lunch, I left her with Phil and went to work helping with COVID care packages for the Virginia Department of Health. I had signed up some weeks ago before we were asked to care for our granddaughter and I wanted to honor that commitment. Also, I thought that if I would go ahead and work and it would give our granddaughter some time with Phil. 

            I’m always happier if I have a task. Putting together the care packages was fairly mindless. We worked in a warehouse. The large door allowing semi trucks to back in was open so it was almost like working outdoors. Fans helped the air flow. The 10 volunteers and one staff from the Health Department were socially distanced and had masks so conversation was not easy, especially with the traffic noise from the interstate that was visible outside the door.  Most of the time was in silence. Still. It was something to do and perhaps something that would help contain the pandemic. The care kits have masks, hand sanitizer, written information and other items. The care kits are distributed to those seeking COVID testing and are given out at community events.

            I fell asleep after we got home. It had started raining so the pool was closed. We had a simple dinner. I’ve been reading Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson. Since I am a forensic psychologist, I was aware of much of the information he imparts. The incredible miscarriages of justice and outright fabrication of evidence was not familiar however. 

            In Virginia, the amounts compensated by the Commonwealth for evaluations (such as ‘insanity” determinations or competency evaluations) do not even begin to cover the costs. I always considered the forensic work as public service. For many years, it seemed that everyone in Harrisonburg worked together when there were defendants with significant mental health issues that influenced judgment and behavior. However, that changed. The Commonwealth Attorney started trying to obtain the harshest outcome even for something minor such as a psychotic person walking out of a store with a beer that was not paid for. I never “worked” for one side or the other but provided information for the court, so I considered myself neutral. When the Commonwealth Attorney decided that she did not like my opinion (which would give the defendant a defense of ‘not guilty by reason of insanity’) she spent a great deal of money to hire a Richmond psychologist to redo the evaluation. He came up with almost exactly the same opinion. (I wondered how the office could afford to hire an expensive evaluator rather than use the compensation provided by the Commonwealth. The defense attorney told me that that the Commonwealth Attorney had access to resources seized at arrest, such as money obtained by criminals selling drugs, and could use that money for such expenditures.) After several similar experiences and hearing the frustrations of defense attorneys, I decided that I would no longer be part of the problem and quit doing criminal evaluations. 

            Those with established histories of mental health problems, especially if the individual is in treatment over time, need to have their disability and mental health considered fairly by the courts. We have emptied the psychiatric hospitals as a way to save money and due to concerns about ‘warehousing’ individuals. Western State Hospital had over 3,000 beds when I came to Virginia in 1975. When I retired, they had less than 250 beds. Better medications and better support services helped reduce the numbers, but the result is many people living in the community with poorly controlled psychiatric conditions. Those with unmanaged addictions and/or who have poor judgment, no employment, limited family support, odd behaviors, lack of impulse control, and lack of structure tend to come in contact with the criminal justice system. Research has shown that as beds reduce in psychiatric hospitals, the numbers of individuals who are incarcerated increase. I witnessed this personally in St. Louis as I switched from a job as a court psychologist to a job as the psychologist for the children’s unit of Malcom Bliss Mental Health Center. (This facility was later combined with another institution and a new children’s hospital was built using a different name.) I was serving the very same individuals in both systems. So the result of placing those in psychiatric care back into the community is predictable. The community is not equipped to tolerate some behaviors or to properly treat all behavioral problems and at some point, there is risk that the individual with a behavioral disorder will violate laws. After all, there are MANY laws and even ordinary people can violate those laws with ease. 

September 1, 2020

            Today our granddaughter is going to a friend’s home. Our sole task is to pick her up at 3:30 and return her home. We plan to stay for dinner and the food will be take-out Chinese. Today will be a slow day. It has been raining so the yard is too wet to mow. It is damp and cool, so there will be no trip to the pool. We need to pick up some library books and return a few. We also have a short list of errands. It is days such as this that I am “at loose ends.” I can read or work on family stories, I suppose. There is a small stack of antique books to check online about their worth. If we had known the schedule in advance, perhaps we could have done a museum visit. 

            I’m listening to reports that the police in some localities are influenced or controlled by racist individuals and those who are white supremacist or sympathize with that view. Police are ignoring vigilantes who come to protests heavily armed and are severe with protesters who are unarmed. I know that prison guards have raped and beaten prisoners. Even after the women become pregnant due to the assaults and rapes, sometimes nothing is done to the perpetrators. It appears that the best way to be a racist and to act out anger towards minorities and women is to join the police force or to become a prison guard. It sickens me that our taxpayer money- my money- pays the salary of people who use their position to abuse and kill others they hate or despise. The cries to defund the police have new meaning when one considers how the power of being a police officer or a correctional officer is being abused. Can we ever design a system with sufficient checks and balances so that abusive of power is unlikely? I just don’t know. 

            I looked up recent articles on prisons. New York Times –“Routine Beatings of Inmates in Alabama Prisons Go Ignored”; The Buffalo News- “Security Cameras Can’t Keep New York Prisons Safe”; Miami Herald- “Floridian Sentenced for a Petty Crime Beaten to Death”; USA Today- “George Floyd’s Death must also prompt Prison Reform.” The racism and brutality of the criminal justice system extend far beyond police misconduct.” These were just a few of the 2020 articles about brutality in prisons. We have too many people incarcerated, for a start.  I wonder if a reporting system similar to reporting child abuse or elder abuse might be a start. An independent agency could investigate complaints. However, in a prison there would need to be a way to protect someone who reported abuse from retaliation while a complaint was investigated. 

            In contrast, today we watched a workshop that our Richmond daughter did for a national ecology group. She did so well! The workshop is on U-Tube so it may be used by classes or students or simply by those interested in her research. It is so very nice to see one’s children doing so well. 

September 2, 2020

            Today was a good day. We supervised our granddaughter and her friend (who was delightful). After lunch we took them to the pool where they had a great time. It is such a better day when we have something to do. I made the girls homemade chocolate chip cookies which they liked. 

            We heard today that the hot tub we ordered back in December is finally loaded on a truck and will be headed our way. It is interesting to me and rather amazing to be able to track packages. We have an order for a fan also- it has now made its way from China to Laurel Maryland and might be delivered soon. Yesterday, my “Great Courses” course on The Scientific Wonder of Birds arrived. I am still working my way through the National Parks course but it will be fun to see the one on the birds. There are winners and losers in any crisis and I guess the shipping industry and home delivery is a winner. 

            Our alma mater, Gettysburg College, has now quarantined all their students in an effort to curtail a cluster breakout of COVID. They are imposing the quarantine for only a week but I wonder how successful they will be. 

            We tried to get our flu shots today but the line was too long. It is good that people are lining up to be vaccinated! 

September 3, 2020

            Today we have no ‘grandchild duty’ as she is visiting with a friend. I wanted to visit the Holocaust Museum but Phil did not have the energy for it. Instead we picked up books from the library, got our flu shots, and went to the pool. 

            Our screen for the sun room addition was delivered and installed. Also, the fan from China was delivered. That’s two more items off the list. I did a few phone calls to check on people. I made homemade granola- really delicious. It amazes me that one can fritter away a day on such frivolity. I haven’t gotten used to not working, although I am grateful to be retired. 

            I did another CE credit this evening – the first for 2021-2022 (I can “carry over” seven credits from 2020-2021 and I’ve finished the ones for 2020-2021). The presenters suggest documenting why a person should be seen in person rather than remotely! A client’s desire to be seen in person is NOT considered reason enough to offer in-person sessions. My how clinical psychology has changed! Most tests such as IQ tests or neuropsychological testing cannot be administered remotely. The testing companies are scrambling to create online options (but they are likely to be expensive). Since the last 10 years of my private practice was offering assessment services, my practice would be totally impacted. 

September 4, 2020

            Today we pick up our granddaughter and her friend and take them to the pool at 1:00. I offer to come earlier and make the girls lunch but my daughter declines. Having extra people in the house is distracting, she says, and the girls will play outside until we come. Lunch made for extra people (even if I make it) is another distraction. I feel badly about my daughter and son-in-law  and food. They invite us to eat with them one or two times a week and often we pick up take out or bring part of the meal. I could make meals at our house but it is too much of a distraction for them to come here. It is 15 minutes each way so they have to drive a half hour round trip to get to our place. They have eaten here just three times in the last six months. 

            I clean the house and vacuum this morning. It is unbelievable how quickly the spiders come out and spin their webs and how much dust collects. Still, the house is newly refurbished with new carpets and hardwood floors and it always looks beautiful. We got rid of clutter when we moved and I work to keep it from accumulating. 

            I decide to mow. The grass is long and it has been too hot to mow. Phil leaves to get batteries for our new fan. I decide to start with the front yard. It is steep and difficult to mow and more sunny than the back. I’m often so tired after I do the back that I can’t finish the front. It works out fairly well to organize this way. Half way through the front I’m exhausted and totally sweaty. My eyes have sweat in them for the first time since the surgery. It stings but they do OK. I’m determined to mow the back also. It has more shade and is flatter (although there is one bank) so I am able to finish. I sit for a long while before I have the energy to go into the house and get a glass of water and wash my face. I used to work outside all day, sun or cloudy. I do think the temperatures are hotter in Richmond by far than in the Shenandoah Valley. 

            There will be more yard work tomorrow, I suppose. The yard needs raking. There is more trimming needed. I need to blow the debris from the driveway and do the weed-eating. I fill the feeders and make new syrup for the hummingbirds. 

September 5, 2020

            Today is a perfect weather day- cool with bright sunshine. The garden team is working at Unity and I walk over and join them. I weed and work on feeding fertilizer to the azaleas. I leave before the end as I have to save some energy for my own yard. It is so weird to have to monitor my energy! I used to work for 16 or 18 hours with no problem. 

            Phil is back from errands. This is one of the first times since the pandemic that he has done errands by himself. Usually there is nothing to do and I accompany him. Feels almost like normal to have him do errands on his own! I do the trimming and then set up ladders to trim the bushes. I have to get Phil to hold the ladder. I’m amazed how much the bushes have grown. I should not be as we have had so much rain. I did the raking also. The yard looks nice. 

            I start preparing food for our dinner. Our daughter, son-in-law and granddaughter are coming to our house for the fourth time since the pandemic started! I cleaned the house and set the table. What fun! It is hard to prepare food for them, as they eat few foods. Our granddaughter is a vegetarian so ‘Beyond’ burgers or pasta are her choices. Our son-in-law eats no pork and our daughter eats no beef so it is pretty much chicken. 

            The dinner was fun and our daughter, our granddaughter and I took a short walk in the mediation garden after we ate. Our granddaughter did not bring her device and she seemed bored. I had hoped that she would use the playroom we set up but she rarely does. 

            More schools have abandoned in-person teaching. JMU (where we taught) has reverted to online teaching after more than four hundred students tested positive for COVID. The University of Richmond where our daughter and son-in-law are on the faculty is hanging in and still doing in-person classes. 

September 6, 2020

            Today was a fairly busy day. We attended our two churches in the morning virtually. Then we met our daughter and granddaughter and a friend of our granddaughter at the pool. After our daughter left we supervised the girls- an easy task. The friend’s parents picked her up on their way to a function. We dropped our granddaughter off at her house and returned home. 

            One of our acquaintances from New York is moving to Richmond. She was traveling from New York to Richmond this weekend and I’ve been checking on her progress. She got lost frequently on the second leg of the trip, but made it intact. It is hard to move during a pandemic. 

            I started preparing for court that is coming up Friday. Anticipating the questions is always an exercise in futility but one is better prepared with some forethought. 

September 7, 2020

            Today is Labor Day. However, it is not a holiday for our daughter and son-in-law- they teach classes as usual. It was a long day. We kept our granddaughter and supervised her activities. While she played with friends and read a book, I scrubbed the outdoor furniture on the porch. It was quite a task to remove the stains. 

            We left before dinner so that we could take dinner down to our friend. She did not know how to get from her hotel to her housing unit. We showed her the way and we ate dinner outside. I was exhausted when we got home and I fell asleep. 

September 8, 2020

            A big day- with school starting virtually for our granddaughter! Also, virtual school for Julia is beginning this week. Erika sent us a “first day of school” picture. I had my follow up appointment for my eye surgery. I was able to get a prescription for glasses. The cost estimate was pretty high and I decided to price shop. 

            I have not been inside a clothing store for six months or more. Chico’s is next door to the eye institute and I decide to check out their sale. The store is pretty empty- two other customers come in while I am there. The bargains are incredible and I emerge with three pairs of pants and several tops. I notice a small hole in my shirt as I am trying on clothes- I’m getting these items none too soon, although I have limited places to go at this point. 

            As I go through E-mail when I return home, I find a neighbor who is giving away a kitchen table- one of the items that my friend needs. I do some E-mails and calls and arrange to pick up the table at 7:00. Then we head up to watch our granddaughter, stopping at the library to drop off books at the book drop. 

            Our granddaughter had a good day at school. She is busy playing with friends while I prepare food for dinner. Our daughter rushes off to teach a class and our son-in-law goes upstairs to make calls. After dinner, Phil and I leave to pick up the table and chairs. They are quite nice. I give the donor a basket of homemade chocolate chip cookies that I made in the afternoon. It starts raining (but only sprinkling) as we head home. We get the chairs and table under cover in the garage before the rain starts in earnest. The evening is cool and we open the doors and windows and put on the fans to take advantage of the fresh air. It has been a busy day! 

September 10, 2020

            Since our daughter does not need us to care for our granddaughter, we tell our New York friend that we are available to help her today. She has been calling frantically. She has limited funds. She now has access to her apartment but has no bed or furniture and she has no television. She says she can’t manage without television. She took the wrong remote (took the one for the cable and discarded the one for the television). The air mattress she brought with her is not holding air properly. She said she can’t sleep on it and has had no sleep. She wants these problems fixed immediately. Unfortunately for her, places that sell beds deliver but not generally the same day. One can wait up to seven days for a delivery. We have a small trailer but can only transport items that can be taken apart and moved in pieces. We can get a mattress into the trailer but it will hang out the back. 

            Our friend from New York has a social worker appointment at 10:00 and says she will call when she is done. Phil and I use the morning for errands. We try to get our shingles vaccine but the line is too long. We go to an Eye Clinic to get pricing on glasses. The optician is nice and I think I will purchase from her. The price is about half the prior quote. 

            Our friend from New York calls and we head home. We get tarps as it is raining. When we arrive at her apartment with our trailer, we unload the table, chairs, and pillows we are giving her from our supply. After getting those items up to her apartment, Phil puts the table together for her. She says she found a used bed, box spring and mattress at a nearby thrift store run by a church. She made calls to the places I gave her that have discount furniture and mattresses. The cost of new items is too high, she says, even at discount places such as Big Lots or Wal-Mart. We travel to the thrift store. The staff appears nice enough and they assure us that the used items are sterilized and that the Health Department regulations are followed. The thrift shop has been in operation about eight years. They have many volunteers working on cleaning donated items.

            Our friend took a long time looking about the store, trying to find not only box spring, mattress and a frame but also she wanted a couch or stuffed chair. She could not find a chair or small couch that would fit in our trailer. She did find a coffee table she liked. To my eye it needed refinishing but she was happy with it even after she got it home. Although she took a long time, she did not carefully examine the mattress and box springs. After we got them into the apartment, she was dissatisfied with them because of some tears and because of spots where the fabric is worn and because of dirt on the edges. It did not help that it was raining and some of the discoloring was from the highway. She had purchased a used purse and did not notice the tears in it. The items are not returnable however, as all sales are final. I think about her decision-making process. She has had many months to plan her move. Still, some of the basics were not considered well. Being forced to either do without for a time or make quick decisions, she is making quick and impulsive decisions rather than cope by doing without for a short time until a better solution can be found. It is not only limited resources, but also unwillingness to cope (and perhaps a belief that one can’t cope or should not have to cope) that factors into keeping those with limited resources in poor positions. I also think about how Phil and I help correct each other and prompt better decision-making. For instance, Phil is better than I at recalling what is on the shelf or in the refrigerator. When we shop, he is prompting that we already have that item at home, keeping us from building an unnecessary surplus.

            Phil and I assembled the bed frame while our friend walked her dog. Then she wanted to go to the nearest Wal-Mart to buy a television. We were pretty exhausted but did not want to have to make another trip another day. Our friend said it took her six months to learn how to get to places when she moved to New York. She insisted she needed us to take her (since we can’t put her in our car due to the pandemic, she has to drive behind us in her car which I think helps her learn the route). We went to Wal-Mart, and she bought some groceries and the television and some cleaning supplies. 

            When we arrived home, we both fell asleep. Later, I made dinner. Our friend had trouble setting up her television and called multiple times. Phil talked her through the steps as best he could. She finally got the television to program and work. Since she is able to get 23 channels, she may cancel the cable she arranged to be installed next week. 

September 10, 2020

            Today we were supposed to take delivery on our hot tub. We had been told last week that it had finally been shipped (after four months of our waiting). The fellow called this morning and said when they unloaded the truck, our tub was not on it. He is looking for where it might be. 

            I spent time preparing for court and doing other chores. We got our shingles vaccination (the firt shot- there will be a second). I ordered my glasses. We picked our granddaughter up from her program. In the evening, I attended a virtual workshop on cultural competence. There were about 500 people there. Most people seemed to like the format. I found that the content  had nothing new. 

            I’m starting to see and read more articles about mental health during the pandemic and the status of providers. Therapists are talking about how they are in similar condition to their clients. 

            We heard from a friend today that his sister is unable to cope with home schooling her two boys. She had hired someone to help and that person quit. We gave him some suggestions for programs she could try. 

September 11, 2020

            Today was consumed by court. I was “on the stand” answering questions for over 2 hours. Then I was exhausted and fell asleep. Later in the evening, I mowed the back yard. It was still “mushy.” 

September 12, 2020

            Today I slept late and then spent the day preparing to have our daughter, our son-in-law and our granddaughter for dinner. I took time out to clean. Hundreds of very tiny ants were invading the house at two places. I vacuumed and then waited 15 minutes and then I vacuumed again. This went on all day. Each time I captured over 100 ants- finally towards the end of the day the number was less.

            I took out time to check out a free food pantry at a nearby church. Our friend from New York had been calling off and on all day with questions. She wanted the free food. The pantry does not have any fresh food. The volunteers were very nice. I got information about volunteering and talked with the coordinator about our prior experience in New York working at a food bank. 

            It was a joy to have our daughter and family for dinner. Our granddaughter wanted to watch a video so we looked in the attic and found a Snoopy. That made the trip fun for her. She had slipped and fallen earlier in the day and had hurt her knee. So video watching was a good choice. 

            I call our friend Shannon to see if his sister has been able to make some arrangements for help with the children’s schooling. In general, parents are overwhelmed. Some were interviewed on the news, demanding that the school take the children in person as they cannot cope with the virtual learning.  Shannon said his mother was taking a week’s leave from her job and helping in order for his sister to have time to hire another helper. 

September 13, 2020

            Today we attended our two churches online, as we generally do on Sundays. Our daughter and granddaughter were supposed to go swimming with us but instead our granddaughter went to a friend’s home. Phil and I went to the pool. The weather was nice but the water was too cool for me. Fall is beginning to onset. I talked with my friend Maureen this evening. She is struggling with when to retire. Work is becoming more and more difficult but she will lose significant benefits if she retires too soon. 

September 14, 2020

            Today is a busy day. I had to be up early for my annual appointment with the gynecologist. I had a mammogram, a bone scan, a pap smear, and an exam. It took most of the morning. Results will come later. There were many young people who were pregnant and waiting to be seen. I thought about how difficult it must be to be pregnant during the pandemic. Partners are not allowed at the check up appointments which has to interfere with the experience. Partners must feel excluded and young mothers don’t have their support at the appointments. Over the years, men have gradually become more involved in the birthing process. Now they are excluded. How sad! 

            In the afternoon, I did a volunteer shift with the Virginia Reserve Medical Corps. We packaged PPE and cleaning supplies for facilities. Phil picked up our granddaughter at her program and we stayed for dinner with our daughter’s family. I came home early and attended a virtual Continuing Education seminar. When Phil returned from dinner, he announced that they were planning to deliver the hot tub in the morning. That is pretty exciting! 

September 15, 2020

            We were so excited about today! However, when the hot tub came, I quickly discerned that it was not the one we ordered. I was glad I figured that out prior to the two men unloading it. Even empty the tubs weigh 400 pounds! It will be a week or two until they can get here with the proper one. This is a good example of pandemic events- it always takes longer than it used to and something generally goes wrong. 

            We spent most of the day supervising our granddaughter. She was grumpy about us being at her house to help. However, there is a gap between when her mom leaves and her dad gets home. I can understand the grumpiness. I imagine that our granddaughter feels that she could stay alone and supervise herself. It is interesting how standards have changed. I walked home alone (about a mile) and supervised myself from third grade on. My mother had taken a job to earn money so my brother could attend college. I was two years younger than our granddaughter when I was a “latch key” child. I don’t recall any particular problems with being in self-care. My school was further from my house than is our grandchild’s school. However, I can’t imagine that my daughter and son-in-law will allow her to walk home from school or ride her bike home from school. 

            Our granddaughter appears to attend well to the virtual school. She is always better with us after her parents leave and she did well during the afternoon and got many of the items on her checklist finished. 

            At home I fell asleep until the volunteer coordinator of the AARP Tax Service called. She wanted to know if we were planning to volunteer again this year. It was good to talk to her! I hope that we can continue assisting- so many people use the tax service. It was gratifying to help last year as people are so very appreciative of having their taxes done for free. It will be great when we can resume some of the volunteer work. 

September 16, 2020

            I’m becoming so very concerned about our country and our ability to maintain a democracy. Our president wants to become a dictator. The level of common decency in politics is at an all-time low. 

            Today was spent recovering from misplaced excitement about the arrival of our hot tub. I attended a ZOOM meeting and I worked on a response to an attorney at the court hearing last Friday. 

            We picked up our granddaughter from her program and brought most of dinner. Our daughter made a pasta dish. It was very pleasant to have dinner with them- I’m grateful.

September 17, 2020

            NPR had a program today about how the crime rate has changed during the pandemic. In general, crime is down except for murder which has greatly increased. The program did not identify how many of the murders were due to domestic violence but I wonder- with everyone spending more time at home, it seems likely to me that domestic violence has increased and also domestic homicides. 

September 18, 2020

            Just when things could get no worse, the news has broken that my hero, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, has passed on. I’m certain that she did everything to live – to protect the court from a conservative appointee. I can’t imagine much worse. 

September 19, 2020

            Today, Phil tried to ride the bicycle that he had refurbished. He got to the end of our driveway and then abandoned the effort. He said he felt unstable and dizzy. I worry about his physical condition. After Phil rested, we decided to go out to check out pumpkin patches. We got to the closest one which was actually a greenhouse. It was beautiful and had a lake and water features. Also reams of pumpkins. I got fertilizer to feed our azaleas. 

            While we were at the greenhouses, Erika called. She asked if we could come back to Chazy and help care for the grandchildren “so we can back to a normal schedule.” I almost cried for joy! Our daughter and son-in-law are using us only a little. It almost feels like they need nothing much and are finding a few things for us to do just to humor us. I hope it can work out for us to go soon. We have some doctor’s appointments and need to get our hot tub. I’m waiting on my glasses. My gynecologist recommended an infusion treatment but they have not yet set it up. Next weekend we have reserved two days at the beach. So we shall see. 

September 20, 2020

            I can no longer bear to turn on the news. Ruth Bader Ginsberg is the lead story and it is followed by discussion about the upcoming fight over replacing her. It breaks my heart. 

            We attended our two churches today. I feel as though I pay less attention to the ZOOM meeting (Unitarian Universalist Church) and the Facebook (Unity of Bon Air congregation). After church I attended a ZOOM with Unity which was discussion of racism. A fair amount of our congregation is African-American and it was good to hear their views. 

            In the afternoon I took a meal and the food from the Food Bank to the lady we “friendly visit.” She and I went walking around her new neighborhood. 

September 21, 2020

            Today we plan to work at a church food pantry. So many people are in need of food! I notice that food prices have gone up also. I am pleased when we get to the food pantry at a Methodist church. They are well-organized and the leader is friendly. They are now distributing food to three times the number of families as before the pandemic. They distribute a greater variety of food than the church pantry closer to our house. However this food pantry, like the one we went to last week, has no fresh items such as milk or meat. They have canned milk but I only use that item for cooking, not for drinking. They do have tuna and canned chicken. I would use the chicken for chicken salad sandwiches, but not the tuna.  I wonder about having to base one’s diet around free food. They offer pasta and cereal. There are canned goods such as soup and beans. They have rice and even toilet paper. Can a family eat a whole jar of peanut butter each week or a jar of jelly? When we worked at the food bank in Plattsburg, people indicated on a sheet what they wanted and their “order” was filled. This procedure is more likely to result in food that is actually wanted and consumed. I don’t know how this church pantry operated prior to the pandemic. However, the procedure now is to fill a bag and people get what they get. They stay in their cars and a volunteer puts the bag in the car trunk and the person drives away. 

            The supervisor allows us to take a bag of food for the lady we mentor. After we arrive home, I see that she has called. She took her dog to a dog park (by herself!). Afterwards, she put in her GPS to go to Food Lion. I guess the closest one was the one about a few blocks from our house. She was calling from there to see if I could come to the Food Lion and show her how to get to our house. She had recognized the store from when we went there in March and asked a clerk if she was in Bon Air. (Our friend had come in early March to see if she could find public housing in Richmond and had stayed a week with us. She left right before the “stay-at-home” orders were issued.) 

            When I called back, our friend had left the store and was out in Midlothian, having taken a wrong turn. She said her GPS only wanted her to go to Buford Road Pharmacy and she could meet me there. We did that and I was able to give her the food from the pantry. I showed her how to get to our house and we walked her dog in the Unity Meditation Gardens. He seemed to remember them and appeared very happy! It is easy to get to our friend’s house and only takes about 20 minutes to drive there. I showed her the route and wrote instructions. She was able to find her way without getting lost and called to report she had made it home. 

            We picked up our granddaughter at her program. She appeared in a low mood. She also responded the same way to her parents when we reached her home. We had burrito night and came home. Our daughter had taken our son-in-law’s grandmother who is in her 90’s to the doctor as the assisted living felt her condition exceeded what the nurse practitioner could treat. I worry about her.  She should have seen a doctor months ago! However, the facility was not allowing residents to leave and then return, even for doctor visits. Our daughter also reported that she or her clothes smelled badly. I can understand that the aides do not want to help with bathing or be close to residents but it is a shame that basic hygiene is compromised because of the pandemic. The facility is supposed to be one of the best and is very expensive. 

            I know from monitoring my mother for seven years while she was living in a facility (also the best in our area and very expensive) that family has to monitor constantly or basic care is not provided properly. Front line staff members are underpaid, not well trained, often coping themselves with chronic problems such as obesity or back problems. They are often over-worked or are working two jobs or trying to work and go to school. Only a few are observant or interested enough to notice when a resident’s condition deteriorates. I checked on my mom twice a day and took her to our house on weekends, but few residents have family members who can offer that level of scrutiny. I was not shy about offering feedback (positive and negative). I got to know the staff well as I spent time talking with them. Some resident’s family would prefer to not notice the lapses in care and are more comfortable visiting infrequently and telling themselves that their loved one “is getting excellent care.” 

            When we returned home, I fell asleep almost immediately. When I awoke at midnight, I could not fall back asleep. For the last several nights my sleep pattern has been disrupted. 

September 22, 2020

            We voted today. I am so very worried about the state of our democracy. 

            It was a beautiful day weather-wise. We headed to check out a place that advertised pumpkin-picking. I was not very impressed with the place. 

            We headed to the Chesterfield County Library. It is open, unlike our local branch at Bon Air. It was SO WONDERFUL to be able to walk into the library and peruse the shelves! We headed home for lunch. 

            I checked the sign up at the Virginia Holocaust Museum and no one was signed up for 3:00. So I took that time. They allow just 10 people at a time in the museum. Sure enough, we were the only visitors. I expected the exhibits to be depressing (and they were) but I also felt a sense of how strong the Jewish people are and admired how they were able to survive despite 1.5 million being slaughtered. I think we need a museum dedicated to the African-Americans who died by lynching and due to police shooting them or killing through brutality. Their stories should be highlighted in a similar way to how individuals are in the Holocaust Museum. 

September 23, 2020

            I checked online and found at least a dozen museums dedicated to African-American history. There is one in Richmond and I will try to visit. It will be interesting to see how the museum treats the lives lost to racism. 

            My glasses came in today. I think they will take some getting used to. I did considerable yard work today- the weather was beautiful and not too hot. It is strange to need to rest in between tasks. I used to work 4 to 6 hours straight on farm work without a break. Now I work 1.5 hours and I’m spent for a time. We took food up to our daughter’s and I cooked dinner. She worked and checked on how things were going periodically. Our grandchild had her music lesson (virtually). It was a pleasant evening. 

            I can barely stand to see the news. 

September 24, 2020

            Today was mainly packing for our trip to the beach, cleaning, and doing some errands. I have a library fine for the first time. I guess I’m losing track of things! 

September 25, 2020

            We headed to the beach! In the morning, I again reread our daughter’s nomination for an award and offered ideas for final corrections. We then put all the packed items in the car and met up with our daughter’s family. 

            It rained in the morning and some on the drive down, but it cleared after we got settled and we were able to take a walk on the beach and enjoy the evening. 

            While reading Facebook later I learned that a friend had experienced a fall due to her son’s dog running towards her and jumping on her, knocking her off balance. She has several broken bones and needs surgery. However, she has to sit in pain until her COVID test is processed and is negative. She is tentatively scheduled for surgery in three days. 

September 26, 2020

            Due to my friend being knocked down by a collie, I am especially noticing the great many dogs on the beach. Most are unleashed. Some are large and all are running fast and wild. One runs to me and jumps on my leg. I feel attacked and am not appreciative. I’ve already broken my back and if I have another fall, the results could be worse and mean that I’m confined to a wheel chair or would need surgery. I wonder if people realize that their overly-enthusiastic, heavy, large dogs can be deadly to elderly people? 

            We had a nice, relaxing day. We watched Enola Holmes this evening. The author, Nancy Springer, is one of my friends from Gettysburg College. It is nice to see a friend do well! 

September 27, 2020

            We had a relaxing morning. I enjoyed some walks on the beach. The trip home was fairly uneventful, although the traffic is getting worse as more people are out and about. 

            We unpacked and had a frozen pizza for dinner- I was too tired to cook. 

            I wish we could travel more and stay for more than a few nights….

September 28, 2020

            Donald Trump’s tax returns were released today. Just as everyone thought, he is clearly not only an opportunist, but also a crook. $0 to $750- that’s what he pays in taxes. He has existed on inherited money and loans (many of which are coming due; many of which are from foreign sources). His businesses are failing and he will be bankrupt if he does not win the presidency. He is only staying above water by having the government book his facilities. He is draining the treasury with golf trips and other extravagances. His supporters don’t care. They think he is clever to avoid taxes. They want to emulate him. 

            I have been aware of “me first” or “only me” mentality since I was a child. As I get older, I gradually have come to understand that antisocial people are permeated into society. At first I thought they were a small number- less than 5% certainly! Most people, I thought, were kind and good. At the time of the last election, I thought this group was perhaps 25% to 30% (my friends argued that number was too high). Now I realize that it is well over 40% of our population. How can the rest of us take care of ourselves and our families as well as care for the homeless, the addicted, the aged, the infirm, all of the world’s children, the planet, the environment, creatures (great and small), the oceans…..and contain the antisocial people who care only for themselves and take from everyone else in the process? 

            We worked today at the food pantry. So many people are going hungry. They have tripled the amount of food they distribute each week and are hard pressed to stay even. We ran out today of basics such as peanut butter. It must be so hard to stand in line for food! 

            We spent the afternoon with our granddaughter. I tried to interest her in something- miniature golf, visiting a park, doing a puzzle, playing a game- but she was uninterested. She is just at that age, I guess. It is difficult to be in Richmond when Erika needs us so much and little Julia begs us to come back to New York. Today Virginia fell below the cut off for positivity with COVID. Perhaps Virginia will make it “off the bad list” (off the mandatory quarantine list) for travel to New York. That would make it much easier to return. We still are waiting for our hot tub delivery and for Phil’s specialist appointment and for my infusion. 

September 29, 2020

            Today was a day of doing paperwork and errands. In the afternoon, the woman we are the friendly visitor for stopped by. She is lonely (which is understandable as she has moved to a place where she knows no one). She is thinking of moving back to New York.

            We picked up our granddaughter and transported her home. In the evening we watched the presidential debate. What a disaster. We are the laughingstock of the world. However, it is far worse than that. I hope teachers did not assign the debate as homework for their students. What has the nation come to when one can’t allow children to hear what our president is saying because he is modeling such poor and unacceptable behaviors. We can’t keep treating others the way Donald Trump does. The president (by failing to call out white supremacists) is perceived as supporting racism (and I believe he does support racism – “Make America White Again.”  I suspect Trump’s extremism and blatant racism has been a large factor in the protests for racial justice. In the end, his words and actions may result in so much outrage that there is positive change for minorities. 

September 30, 2020

            Today was cause for celebration. Virginia is finally off the “bad list” in New York! If we can wrap up two things here in Richmond, we can travel to New York without a quarantine requirement! We need to get the hot tub delivered and installed and Phil needs to see his specialist doctor on October 5th. I did research on the drug my gynecologist recommend (an injection twice a year for bone health). It has serious side effects and going off it (even after one dose) can drastically increase the risk of fracture. I want to hold off on considering this option. 

            I started a list of things to do before leaving Richmond and another list of things to take to Chazy. I still need to close out our LLC and get the taxes done on the LLC. I started the process. We may “get stuck” in Chazy so I will wrap Christmas presents for our daughter, son-in-law and grandchild and leave them on the bed in the guest bedroom. 

October 1, 2020

            Today we visited the Virginia Museum of History and Culture. They were empty of visitors for most of the time we were there. They had an exhibit commemorating the centennial of women’s suffrage. It was very well done. I was glad to see Sylvia Clute (who is a member of Unity of Bon Air) honored for her work in Richmond. Also Mary Sue Terry was in several exhibits. She and I shared the honor of being a Virginia Woman of History for 2009. 

            After lunch at home, we took a drive to Ashland to a “pumpkin patch” and selected some pumpkins for our granddaughter and her friends to use for decoration for Halloween. I tried unsuccessfully to get our granddaughter to come and select her own, but she did not want to go. She expressed the belief that it would be dangerous because of COVID 19. I don’t know if that was the only reason. She also mentioned not wanting to drive a half hour to get to the farm. We dropped the pumpkins at her house and headed home. 

            We have had several disputes with the IRS. Apparently when the pandemic started, they simply left the office and did nothing. The checks I sent on April 6th (well before the usual tax deadline) were not cashed and I got letters saying taxes were owed. After spending an afternoon on the phone with the IRS tax information staff, I was told that the checks were lost and I should send replacements. I did. Then my bank told me that IRS deposited the April 6th checks three months late as well as depositing the replacement checks. Then I got another letter saying I had not paid and fees and penalties were added. I refused to pay THREE times (especially when I had paid twice and they cashed both checks) and sent a protest letter demanding a refund. I got a refund check today, so I guess that one of three situations has been resolved. It is tiresome for me and it must be embarrassing for IRS to demand money that has already been paid. We have had four separate “cases” with them, and this is the second to be resolved in our favor. I’m waiting to hear on two more. 

            I watched the Ken Burns film on the formation of the National Parks this evening. Things were a mess during those years and greedy men almost destroyed Yosemite. There was lack of civil discourse. Still, I feel that what we are experiencing has exceeded what was has happened before. Can democracy survive? I wonder. At least it is being openly addressed. 

October 2, 2020

            Today’s big news is that president Trump has COVID-19. Or does he? People are speculating that it is “fake news.” Perhaps the announcement is an attempt to avoid prosecution for tax evasion. Or maybe the announcement is an attempt to avoid another debate with Joe Biden. Or perhaps it is a method for deflecting from Trump’s support for White Supremacists. Others think the hospitalization indicates a worse case than is being projected by the White House. Politicians are famous for hiding illnesses and many examples are appearing on the news. 

October 3, 2020

            Well, a whole string of people who were the “Rose Garden” (which no longer has roses, thanks to our ‘First Lady’ Melania) have COVID. They are mostly Republicans who won’t wear masks and are now diagnosed with COVID and Chris Christie (former governor of New Jersey) is hospitalized. 

            There is much speculation about what might or could happen. It is so wearing. I don’t need any extra drama. The country is a mess. Even Facebook is a mess. They apparently have decided to not allow people any opinions about Trump getting COVID. My “feed” is filled with happy babies, fall foliage, ads, and other such trivia. It feels like a novel by George Orwell- surreal. Some of what they are streaming is days or weeks old. One has to go to Twitter to get any discussion. If I go to individual pages there is sometimes something of substance, but Facebook is suppressing it on the feed. I may stop visiting that platform altogether.  Who would think this sort of thing would happen in a free country?

October 4, 2020

            What does one do when one’s government has “sold them out”?  President Trump has singlehandedly made certain that the numbers of dead in the U.S.A. are the highest on the planet. On the news right now, they are highlighting the discrepancies in “official” information about Trump and the other sources. “Other sources” are proving to be true- Trump did get oxygen, for example, even though his doctors tried to imply that he did not (they refused to answer that question and said he was not currently receiving oxygen). The news is all about the credibility gap. I don’t care that past presidents lied and failed to inform the public. This is 2020 and we expect better. The list of things we don’t know is getting longer and longer. 

            I have tried to compare our situation to other crises. My parents lived through WWI and WWII for example. I think the difference is that the country was (mostly) united. People did not always cooperate (for example, ration coupons were sold or manufactured “underground”) but the climate was different. The country was not in a civil war, as we are now. It is the “intellectuals” and doctors and scientists pitted against the disbelievers, the narcissists, the white supremacists, the gun owners, the “pro-life” contingent, and the greedy who want no boundaries on protecting the environment or people’s health. That includes the “trophy hunters” who would not hesitate to kill the last lion or elephant not in a zoo, business men (and maybe a few women) who want to exploit the Alaskan oil fields or destroy forest and farm land in the Shenandoah Valley for a pipeline and run that pipeline through sacred lands of Native Americans, and others who engage in tax fraud, exploit children in foreign countries by using them as cheap labor, and those who fear immigrants. 

            So what does one do when the president lies (and lies and lies and lies) despite being consistently ‘called out’? He does not care. He denies saying what he said (and there is generally video of the statement) or he says it again and claims it is true. He just does not care. His supporters fail to see that his criminal behaviors are reckless and damaging. They “root” for the criminal like it is a story or a television show, excuse the behaviors, and refuse to acknowledge the damage. Perhaps they think that others will not notice their own illegal behaviors.

            I think about the Innocence Project. I just read the book by Brian Stevenson, Just Mercy. One man was told directly by law enforcement that they knew he did not commit the crimes but they were charging him anyway. He was too successful in the community and he was Black. He was told he was Black and he would have a white judge and a white jury and a white man would testify against him and he would be convicted. He spent 30 years in jail and it took 19 years of work by Stevenson to overturn the death row conviction. Since Blacks could no longer be lynched legally or simply killed or beaten as slaves, incarceration became the way that Whites acted out against Blacks. 

            I guess under these conditions, a person simply does the best they can. We will have lunch with our daughter and family and perhaps go on a bike ride. 

October 5, 2020

            Discouragement occurs when a clear path of action is not apparent. If there is a path of action, I generally pursue that and worry less about the roadblocks. I see no clear path of how I can help guide this nation of ours in a better direction. The more I read, the more I think that the next pandemic is just around the corner and we haven’t mastered this one yet. 

            Today I made phone calls and sorted out a few things, signed up for a bird trip on October 18th (since we will be here at least until October 19th it seems), worked with Phil at the Food Bank in the morning, and then “hung out” while Phil helped our son-in-law install a water heater. It’s a gorgeous day and I may try for a bike ride. 

October 6, 2020

            We spent the greater part of the day with our daughter and her family. Phil helped our son-in-law  install a water heater. In the afternoon we did some errands, got groceries, and came home for supper.

October 7, 2020

            I find myself wondering how the pandemic will affect work behaviors in the future. I took a walk this afternoon through the church meditation garden. The church was locked up tight. There was no one there and no one working. Prior to the pandemic the church office had typical work hours. Without each other to hold us accountable, is work truly getting done from home? What will the “new norm” and new standards for work behaviors be? Will there simply be a general lowering of expectations? I notice that Virginia is changing the minimum wage. In May 2021 it will rise to $9.50/hour. In January, 2022 it will increase to $11.00/hour and in 2023 it will be $12.00/hour. What will be expected in a minimum-wage job? 

            I have just finished reading Tuesdays with Morrie. Much thoughtful information there about living and dying. Will the pandemic redirect us to reconsider relationships? It has certainly changed the time that we spend together. I wonder if there is an increase in domestic violence and fewer people using services. The referrals to child protective services are down, likely because schools are closed and teachers are the largest group of reporters. Teachers know their children well and can notice lack of care or bruises. How will abused children fare without the positive relationships at school? 

            We heard that our hot tub is off the production line and has been sent to shipping. I am eager to leave and go to New York where we can help care for Lily and Julia. I hope that shipping gets it up to Virginia soon! 

 October 8, 2020

            I am so sad. My best friend from college who has been living abroad recently moved back to the States. She is living just about an hour away and I was so excited to see her. She said she planned a trip to Richmond and we could get together. She added that she did not wear masks. I replied that we met with visitors in our sun room as we can ventilate and she did not need to wear a mask. We could socially distance and I would wear a mask. She replied that she would not be comfortable visiting if anyone wore masks or did social distancing and she would wait to visit until we could visit “normally”. My heart is broken. 

            We also heard from the hot tub sales representative who said that our hot tub would go into production in about a week. I was upset- we already heard from the company that it was finished and at shipping. I would not care except that Erika needs us and has been patiently waiting for six weeks for this hot tub delivery. We have to be here to have it hooked up and installed. It’s not something that they can do without access to the house or without Phil’s expertise. 

            Also, after only a week on the “good list” Virginia is now on the “bad list” again and if we go to New York, we would have to quarantine. Not a good day! 

            We visited our son-in-law’s grandmother today at a “porch visit.” She is doing just marginally well and seemed confused. 

October 9, 2020

            I am furious. Some Republican pollster knocked on my door with a pro-life T-shirt. She woke me up from a nap. She had on no mask. I filed a complaint with the police. 

October 10, 2020

            I’m packing in earnest for leaving for New York. I’m working on cleaning up the projects I put to the side. Yesterday I interviewed my cousin’s granddaughter about their family. I learned I have documents she does not (such as her parents’ Christmas letters. She is estranged from her brother who lives in her parents’ home and he won’t share the family pictures or documents. So I copied what I had and sent it to her. 

            I sorted through the family history project and packed some to take with me. My checks arrived today so one thing more is “off the list.” The issue of our hot tub is unresolved. 

            I haven’t heard back from my e-mail to the police. I come from an area where law enforcement is more responsive. It makes me feel uneasy to be in a place where there is no response to an inquiry. I wonder if there is a response to “911.” I hope I never require assistance. 

            It rained today so our daughter and her family cancelled their camping trip. We went over to watch our granddaughter while they voted and then stayed for dinner and a movie. 

October 11, 2020

            Today was a quiet day. We attended our two church services. A friend from Harrisonburg called. I called some friends, watched a video on bird migration, and I made dinner. I looked for files that might be needed in upcoming court cases. I finished the “Antique Book” Project and put away all those books. I worked on packing. 

October 12, 2020

            We worked at the food bank today. It must be depressing to need to accept food from a food bank. Much of the food that I am packing consists of items I would never eat like “Mac and Cheese”, tuna fish, Vienna sausages, instant potatoes and canned milk. I also rarely use canned vegetables or white rice (I like brown rice). I don’t generally eat canned fruit either. I wonder how much of the food bank food goes to waste. People who drive up get a great deal of food. I would use the pasta and pasta sauce, peanut butter, (but not the grape jelly-yuck!), Quaker Oats, beans, soups (but not the tomato soup that everyone gets), the toilet paper, the crackers, the bread, the canned chicken. 

            This afternoon was a treat! I was able to connect with my best friend from college who has moved back from abroad. We talked for nearly two hours! I looked up her new house online and it is beautiful. 

            We picked up our granddaughter and stayed for dinner. Our daughter was nicely dressed but she still looked tired. They finally got their extra refrigerator and got it set up in the garage. Our granddaughter was the “weather girl” at school this week and she recorded her weather reports on video. Some were very cute!

October 13, 2020

            I did not sleep well. After about two hours of sleep, I was awake. I wake and my mind just churns! I think about the need to get up to New York. 

            I think about the glut of Black men in jail. The more I think about this statistic, the more I am convinced that jailing Blacks is part of systemic racism. The majority makes it difficult for Black and brown people to thrive or even survive. Some become discouraged and use drugs. Blacks are then given longer and more punitive sentences for drug possession. It also breaks up Black families and puts an added burden on those family members (mostly women and children) who remain on the “outside.” I’ve written articles about the effects on children when parents are incarcerated. Feeling disenfranchised can also lead to crime. When there is no path to a good life, it is no wonder that people resort to crime. Incarceration then becomes a replacement for slavery and a way to “keep Blacks down” and prevent people from succeeding and gaining power (especially political power). Incarceration is a way to “keep them in their place.” Once incarcerated, women can be raped and men beaten. We need to empty the jails of non-violent offenders and start over. 

October 14, 2020

            Today I needed a break. We went shopping for a new lamp. I think we found something that will be beautiful and also provide illumination. We talked with Erika again today. She truly needs the help and we called again to try to learn more about our missing hot tub. 

October 15, 2020

            Today we finally heard back from the hot tub people. They won’t commit to an arrival date but say that it will be shipped next week. I’m not happy about the sound of it. 

            We went and bought the lamp and Phil installed it. It is beautiful and cheers me. After all, I see it constantly, so it is an important focal point. I tried to mow the lawn but it was still too wet. I went through the filing cabinet again looking for old files that might be needed for court. I found the “missing files” which had projections and names to the side rather than to the top. The lady we “friendly visit” dropped by today. She is very negative about almost everything but appears to be coping as well as usual. 

            Tonight was the second “debate” which was not at all a debate. PBS did a feature on how Trump has manipulated the media to give him so much time for his antics- billions of dollars of free campaigning. They also covered the responsibility of the media when a political candidate is making untrue and outlandish statements. I guess this is a whole new era in media ethics. Finally they talked about how the Trump administration told the public that the virus was under control while telling certain stock investors that it was not under control. Some people were able to avoid the stock market downturn by selling or adjusting their investment strategy. To me it simply sounds like “insider trading” and something illegal but maybe powerful people with knowledge that others don’t have do this all the time. I don’t know. 

October 16, 2020

            I’ve decided that the effect of the pandemic is somewhat similar to the trauma that one might experience from the loss of one’s home to a fire or to a flood or other disaster. When that happens, some people get busy trying to recreate the life they had. They rebuild, even if the area is unsafe. I recall some recent interviews of people who had rebuilt several times after floods and fires. 

            I’ve decided that trying to recreate our life prior to the pandemic once it is over (if it ever is over) would be a mistake. The pandemic should be a push forward, into something different. It is about resilience and the ability to adjust, modify and use one’s creativity to create something new. 

October 17, 2020

            Working in the Unity Garden today for several hours was good for my body and soul. It was even better that our daughter called and wanted to come over for dinner. They have not been to our place for many months (of course we see them at their place several times a week.) They went to the Richmond Zoo and did the zip line and they were tired, but they ate well and the food disappeared. I’ve been working on the pictures to create a “Cousin Book” for 2020. Our daughter helped me by showing me some short cuts for saving pictures. 

            I signed up today for a series of articles about how the pandemic has warped our sense of time. The series, offered through the Washington Post is entitled, “What Day Is It?” It is supposed to help one recover their sense of time and redefine their week. The author notes that despite settling into “some sort of routine” many people are still feeling adrift. He terms this experience “temporal disintegration” which he believes is a form of collective trauma. He said it is NOT about “getting back to normal” but about recreating ourselves. It should be an interesting read. 

            I feel that I do need a new anchor to help me orient. How will I live the rest of my life? What will I do that will justify my existence and use of resources? 

October 18, 2020

            Today was a typical Sunday. We belong to two small churches- one in Richmond and one in Plattsburgh. The church in Plattsburgh has a fairly modest budget and I don’t think they have any debt service. Their pastor is part-time and the building is old and small. The church in Richmond has a large debt for its beautiful building and a hefty budget. I wonder if our churches will survive. 

            I decide to do some research. I learn that as many as 20% of churches may fail during the pandemic. While Phil and I attend the virtual services and ZOOM meetings, but many people do not, according to articles. Many people due to insecurity or losing jobs are not contributing.          

            Our Richmond church had a “Courageous Conversation” about LBGTQ individuals. Most of the discussion was about terminology. I had hoped we were past that discussion and onto something else. There appear to be many members of our congregation who are LBGTQ individuals. I’m now wondering if a number of the single women in our congregation are lesbian. Interestingly, most of the men I’ve met at church are married. Only a few appear single and none have appeared with a male partner (in contrast, there are any number of women who attend with a female partner). 

             As I slowly realize that there are a fairly large group of church members who are lesbian (including one of the pastors and some of the “Prayer Chaplains”), it makes me wonder if the exodus of families with children has any connection. A few of the LBGTQ individuals appear to have come to realize their orientation after a marriage with children but these individuals are older and I suspect their children are grown. I’ve never done much thinking about my gay or lesbian friends and acquaintances. Perhaps the church will have a follow up and discuss issues other than changing terminology. I’m interested in learning more.

October 19, 2020

            We did our usual stint at the Food Pantry today. I got a bag of food for the lady I mentor in the “Friendly Visitor” program. Phil had his specialist appointment and was pronounced as in reasonable condition and was discharged. He does not even need to check back at some future date. Out of all the hours on the heart monitor, there were only 3 abnormal beats. That is apparently well within expected ranges. 

            We watched a seminar by Wild Virginia. The presenter was, I guess, a philosopher and poet. She talked about images of corona virus and its relationship to other natural phenomena. I think I have been one of those people who schedule is always jammed with little time to contemplate or simply observe. However, these are new skills and ones not learned easily. 

            I logged onto Shutter Fly and put together my COUSINS 2020 picture book. Tomorrow I will have my daughter check it and then complete the order. 

October 20, 2020

            I have been reading about how the pandemic has warped our sense of time. I wonder what “time” means in the after-life. The works I have been reading suggest that we impose a schedule on ourselves for better health (such as better sleep patterns). I know that animals prefer a schedule. Our horses very much wanted to be fed at the same time each morning and evening. If we were “late” they whinnied and stomped and otherwise showed impatience. Cows apparently give more milk if they are milked at the same time each day. Apparently a desire for a schedule is something innate in some creatures. 

            Today was a mishmash of activities. I wanted to mow the lawn but it was too wet. I took a brief walk and received a call from the company that did our sun room addition. The caller said they had failed to set up the final inspection and that it would happen tomorrow (as usual, the rude man who called did not ask if tomorrow was convenient for us or not. He simply announced that the final inspection would be sometime tomorrow and we needed to be home in order to let the inspector in.) I will never deal with this company again! 

            The lady we mentor through the “friendly visitor” program came by today. I made her lunch and gave her the food from our food pantry. She is not happy with Richmond and wants to move now to Florida. Apparently she can’t return to New York or at least can’t return there easily. 

            Our daughter was kind enough to help me complete the COUSINS 2020 picture book. It will be mailed to Erika’s house. 

            We have not heard anything about the hot tub. Also, 43 states are now on the list of those who must quarantine if they go to New York. Virginia is trending down again but we are not yet off the “list.” Erika’s husband Kevin is in Maryland for his job and Maryland was just put on the list so he must leave quickly so he can avoid quarantine. 

            I’m now regarding the pandemic as the equivalent of having my house destroyed by fire or flood and needing to start over. I’m at the wrong age to rebuild. I will simply go into the abyss. 

October 21, 2020

            Of course the inspector for the addition did not come. I called the construction company and let them know. We hope to be gone next week so if this is something that needs done, it will need to be soon. 

            Today’s big news (that cheered me) is that Governor Cuomo is having second thoughts about how New York is handling the Travel Advisory and quarantine. It is not working and 43 states are now on the list of those who must quarantine (except that the Governor removed Connecticut and New Jersey and one other because it would be too disruptive to commerce. New York may switch to requiring a COVID test instead of requiring quarantine. That would help us! 

October 22, 2020

            We made a visit to the Black History Museum of Virginia and the Maggie Walker Historic Site. I thought the Museum was very well-done. The Maggie Walker House was closed but we talked to the Park Rangers for a time. I’ve decided that it is a “long fight with a short stick, forever and ever.” Since many African-Americans are easily identified, it is simple for those who are racist to continue to discriminate. The target is easily visible. What a waste of talent to keep a whole population away from using their skills and talents in creative and original ways. What scientific discoveries have we missed? What art? What new teaching methods? What advances in business innovation? No playing field is “equal” or can be made equal but there should be no roadblocks to another’s success. The idea that someone’s success “takes away” from another’s accomplishments is a folly.   Success feeds on success and discoveries build on each other. Denying others is also denying us. 

October 23, 2020

            At the Maggie Walker museum, the rangers had stressed that Maggie Walker was the first African-American woman to be a bank president/start a bank. So I asked how many black women since her had been in charge of a bank. They did not know. I did some research today. I could not find any Black woman that had been in charge of a bank. In fact, banks owned/operated by Blacks are scare. In the 1990’s there were over 50 (54 or 56 if I remember my research correctly). In recent years there are only 21 banks nationally owned or operated by African-Americans. I thought that I could support a Black-owned bank by opening an account. I could not find a bank in Richmond that was owned or operated or headed by an African-American except possibly a Credit Union associated with Virginia Union University (a historically Black institution).  Its membership, however, is limited to certain groups (those at the University and at a local hospital) and I don’t qualify. 

October 24, 2020

            What makes the pandemic even more isolating is something that has been happening for a long time: change in business practices. When I was younger, if a person called a business, a person answered the phone. Now when one calls a business, an automated message answers the phone.  As I started “downsizing” some years ago when I retired (for the second time) from James Madison University, I began to do my own errands (instead of sending my secretary. Realizing that these contacts were important for me (both in terms of social interaction and in terms of developing relationships should I need some assistance at that business) I took over the errands and did my own bank deposits (always in the main branch, never at the drive-through), picked up my prescriptions, paid the electric bill and the water/sewer/garbage bills in person (the offices for the utilities were a short walk from my private practice), picked up my dry cleaning and so on. I got to know the clerks and it was a nice part of the day to do the errands. In Richmond, I’ve never been to the building housing Dominion Power or to Verizon or Chesterfield County utilities. In fact, places give one an incentive to pay by direct deposit from one’s account so the only contact is a notice that the bill has been paid. 

            We learned that our final building inspection had not been done and registered. This is the sort of occasion when it is nice to drop by that office and speak to someone that we know by name. Instead, we had to sort it out by remote. But it did get sorted and now we have a final inspection.

            Today was a simply gorgeous day. Kristine and Grace and Jon had gone camping. So I decided we should explore a new outdoor site, Point of Rocks, a state park. What a wonderful hike we had. They have a boardwalk through marsh land. There was a hill to negotiate which gave Phil some trouble, but we did OK. When we arrived at the parking lot, there was an ice cream truck. Phil bought an old-fashioned popsicle called ‘Orange Creamsicle’.  

October 25, 2020

            Today was a special day. I was able to talk with my niece, Kathy, about family history. Later a friend, Mary, called. Also a college friend sent an e-mail about his experiences during the pandemic. It is SO good to talk to friends! 

October 26, 2020

            We worked at the food pantry today and got a bag of food for the lady we mentor. We heard that our hot tub was complete and had been sent to the shipping department. No idea of how long it will take to ship. Erika is anxious for us to come to New York and I’m anxious to go. We heard that the hot tub has been built and sent to shipping. 

October 27, 2020

            I enticed Phil to go look at RVs and Travel Trailers today. They represent a way to travel (perhaps safely) but entail many problems. I’m not certain that we would even be allowed to park the trailer on our property. I have to do some research about county regulations. 

October 28, 2020

            While cleaning the attic, I found an old bank book of my mother’s with a sizeable amount of money listed. I called the bank and was told to file a claim with the Pennsylvania Treasury Department Bureau of Unclaimed Property. I did so in June. Today I got an e-mail that they wanted my mother’s death certificate. So I researched how to obtain that and filed a claim, paying the fee for the online process (rather than mailing in the request). 

            We met with our match in the “Friendly Visitor” program and gave her the groceries from the food pantry. Since we had not heard from the hot tub sales person, we stopped into the store to talk with him. We were able to arrange some accommodations. The hot tub is on the truck, awaiting a driver to bring it to Richmond. They will deliver it to our house but we will wait for the installation until we return. At that time they will do the installation and trigger the warranty. That way the tub can be safely stored where it should be (in our sun room) and we won’t pay for heating the water while we are gone (or empty the tub and risk leaving some water in the lines that might freeze and damage it).  We picked up our grandchild and stayed for dinner and to watch her piano lesson. 

October 29, 2020

            We had planned to be in Chazy with the little ones for Halloween so we had not purchased any treats for children in Richmond or signed up to be part of our neighborhood celebration. Our grandchild and 10 of her friends will be doing a socially-distanced scavenger hunt. Phil and I went to the Dollar Store and Wal-Mart and purchased items to make a “goodie bag” for Grace and each of her friends. I will do some homemade baked goods to add to the bags (since we know all of her friends) and I will individually wrap those. It was a downpour all day from the hurricane (so I’m glad I did not try to drive to New York). The statistics are worse everywhere. I have little hope that Virginia will get off the list of states that must quarantine upon entering New York. 

October 30, 2020

            Today I received a call from the Vital Statistics person. I’m impressed! The website said it would take eight weeks or more to get the death certificate. The person asked me questions, took pity on me and did the search while I was on the phone. She was able to find the death certificate and it will be sent to me in today’s mail. How amazing! 

            I worked today for the Virginia Reserve Medical Corps (VRMC) assembling care packages that are given out when people come for COVID testing. The coordinator gave us an update. Her region (Chickahominy) has been working with Henrico County and the City of Richmond to coordinate volunteers. She said that in a typical year in her district the work of the volunteers from VRMC saves the Chickahominy Health District about $60,000. She did not know the usual hours worked by volunteers in Henrico and Richmond. However, it was gratifying to hear that in the combined unit, so far in 2020, the volunteers from VRMC had saved the three health districts over $1,000,000 (one million dollars). That’s impressive and makes me feel good about my volunteer work for them. 

            We heard nothing today about the arrival of the hot tub. I did sort out my prescription medication and picked it up from the pharmacy. Phil learned that he has to have blood work before his new doctor at Patient First will prescribe medication. I’m not pleased about him visiting the doctor’s office where sick people are there, but he will go tomorrow first thing (they don’t make appointments). 

            I did some garden work today. The leaves are falling quickly and they are a mess. I made some calls to our son-in-law’s grandmother and my former secretary. I try to check on them both fairly frequently. 

October 31, 2020

            I notice my anxiety level is lower. I used to be edgy. I wanted to get places early. I worried a bit that the ZOOM may not work. I woke up early ready to go. Now I feel like it does not matter if I get somewhere or not (much less whether or not I’m on time!). I guess it is a symptom of depression. 

November 1, 2020

            The days blend into each other. Sundays, however, are marked by attending our two churches. I have clothes that I bought just for church attendance but I never get to wear them anymore. 

November 2, 2020

            We worked at the food pantry today. I always feel better when we work at something. We got a bag of food for the lady we mentor. 

November 3, 2020        

            Today is Election Day. I was difficult even to watch. As I expected, it is a tight race. Someone asked me who would vote for Trump given his lies, the way he treats others, his criminal behaviors, his bullying of others, his treatment of women, his misuse of the presidential office, and all of the incidents we have to put up with. I explained that whole groups of people would vote for Trump: people who hate gays and lesbians; gun rights individuals; those who object to abortion; people who are mainly concerned about the stock market; people who are racist (and I think these are a larger number than I ever realized); Cuban people who  don’t want to be associated with Blacks or minorities but want to be considered “white”; Latino males who will never vote for a women; anyone (mostly male) who will never vote for a woman; people who think Trump will lower their taxes; people who despise immigration and immigrants – the list goes on. I am depressed about the caliber of people in our country. I don’t have the energy to get to know them and “appreciate their viewpoint”. I’m tired and I just want them to go away. 

            We learned today that the hot tub is a “no go.” The salesman cannot work out a way for it to be shipped individually. So we went and got our COVID testing and planned to leave on Thursday for New York. 

November 4, 2020

            This morning we had a virtual meeting. Then we tackled all the tasks that needed to be done before leaving- the bank; returning library books; cleaning the bird feeders; bringing the plants indoors; cleaning the refrigerator; packing; cleaning. We picked our granddaughter up from her program and had a final dinner with her and our daughter. We listened to the piano lesson. 

            The whole tenor of the election is both infuriating (which is energizing) and depressing. I am now feeling scared or at least leery of the general public. I’m replacing my overall feeling of security and safety with the idea that about half of the population is not to be trusted. I should already know this. As a forensic psychologist, I routinely evaluate people who are disturbed. For instance, there was the man who walked around our city with a gun hidden in his pants (at the small of his back). One day he got annoyed with his mother-in-law and pulled his gun and shot her. One of many examples I could relate. 

            The “in-your-face” realization of election results adds to the isolation of the pandemic. I feel as though I must be careful about whom I trust. I think what I’m feeling is similar to what African-Americans cope with on a daily basis. Is this the day one will get stopped by the police? Is this the day that someone will put a bullet through them just for being black? If they go walking or birding or driving, they can be accosted just because of their skin color. I wish I knew how to identify the racist people and those who hate gays and the gun-rights people and find ways to avoid them and in particular find ways to avoid doing business with them. 

November 5, 2020

            We set out fairly early for Scranton, Pennsylvania. It is a beautiful day, marred only by the constant focus of NPR and other radio on the election. We stopped at my sister-in-law’s home to drop by two boxes of her pictures. Right before we got there, we learned that our COVID tests are negative. We had lunch with my sister-in-law and then travelled to Scranton. 

November 6, 2020

            We had a beautiful day for travel! We arrived mid-afternoon to find Erika and Julia waiting for us- playing in the leaves. Julia seemed so excited to see us! She helped unpack the car, delighting in “peeking” into boxes and in some cases finding toys or puzzles for her and her sister. Erika has loaded the refrigerator and shelves with food. My heart swells with joy. 

            Meanwhile, “the Donald” is spreading lies and trying to stir unrest as he is losing the election. COVID-19 is worse than ever with record numbers of cases every day. It is painful to watch television. I have been thinking about the importance of “emotional intelligence” and the need to be empathetic towards others. I have read that Donald Trump had an upbringing devoid of nurturance. No one showed him how to be empathetic towards others. He seems to share this characteristic with folks like Hitler and Mussolini. While he has charisma and charm, he is lacking genuine warmth and affection. If we choose leaders with these character flaws, very bad things happen

November 7, 2020

            Joe Biden and Kamala Harris’ words GIVE ME HOPE.

November 8, 2020

            Today was a good day. We did yard work and washed windows. The windows were quite dirty so they look so nice when they are clean! Erika and Kevin and the girls stopped by on the way to Kevin’s father’s birthday party. The girls had such fun jumping into the leaf pile that I had made. We also played croquet. We opened the sand box and got out the sand toys. It was a glorious day weather-wise. 

November 9, 2020

            We were up early and drove to the COVID testing center. It was a spectacular day weather-wise and it was so very nice to be out driving. We were the first ones to arrive at the testing center. I liked that. Everything was clean. 

            I thought the testing center was very well thought out. It was situated in a sort of empty warehouse. One drove up and completed forms, then drove into the warehouse. There was a station where nurses did the collection. I thought the person was more aggressive than the test in Virginia. My nose hurt for a time afterwards. 

            We drove to the bank and made a deposit through the drive-in. When we got home, I spent time watching the birds! They found our feeders! So quickly this time! We already have black-capped chickadees and red-breasted nuthatch and a downy woodpecker. Also there is a mystery bird who looks similar to the chickadee but larger and with a different beak. Later in the day, we were visited by two American Goldfinch. 

            After school, Erika dropped off Julia while she went in to school for a meeting. We so enjoyed having Julia at the house- we did homework, puzzles, reading and took a walk to the quarry. There are hundreds of water birds there- mostly Canada Geese. We took Julia to her home and had dinner there. 

            It was so satisfying to be with Lily and Julia. Julia clings to me and is so very excited about our return. Even simple things such as coloring pictures or getting the girls a snack is significant. As we left the farm, I noticed the night sky. At our farm in the Shenandoah Valley, I often went out to gaze at the night sky. However, since retiring last year and moving to our two houses (Richmond and Chazy) I have less often seen the night sky. In Richmond, our home has many trees and the neighborhood has many lights. There is not much night sky to see.

November 10, 2020

            Today we did not see family. After Julia was dismissed from school, Erika took her and Lily to get flu shots. Phil and I continued on yard work (it was glorious weather!) and washing windows and wash and cleaning. We ended the day with more to be done but good progress. 

            We watched a Life-Long Learning program from JMU. In the evening, our supervisor from AARP tried to take us and another volunteer through some training but the technology was not cooperative. We sent e-mail to the help center. 

            I am concerned about the Affordable Care Act. As I contemplate the events leading to the Supreme Court review, I simply cannot fathom why any person would seek to deny others access to health care. If the pandemic demonstrates nothing else, it underscores how illness and poor health in one individual affects us all. Preventing ill health by regular and prompt health care saves all of us money and pain. 

November 11, 2020

            I got my COVID test results this morning- negative! Now we have completed the quarantine. 

            Julia is out of school and here for the day. What a joy she is! She found the ‘My Little Ponies’ and is busy combing their hair. Giving her hints and teaching her strategies is fun. For example, combing out the pony manes and tails is an occasion to teach how to start at the bottom and get those tangles out, then work ones way to the top. 

November 12, 2020

            Today we did some shopping. It felt good to get out. I’m trying to do some walking. I seem to continue to gain weight and my back is beginning to stiffen.  I will try to walk each morning while Phil watches ‘Perry Mason.’ I used to like the show, bit I’m tired of it. 

            People are starting to write about how the Republican Party is trying to be authoritarian and not democratic. A program I watched pointed out that Germany capitulated to Hitler in just four years. That’s what we have had with Trump and he’s trying to do the same thing- become a dictator. HE HAS LOST THE ELECTION AND HE LIES ABOUT THAT AND SAYS HE WILL REFUSE TO LEAVE. Meanwhile, over 100 Secret Service agents and dozens of Trump’s staff have COVID-19. 

            Today we did not see Julia or the family.  

November 13, 2020

            Today we picked up Julia after school and I made dinner for her family here at our house. Kevin did not make it for dinner. They were sending their sheep for slaughter and the company came four hours late to pick up the sheep. 

            Julia’s teacher told us she had done a superior job on her testing today. I wonder if the extra homework practice is making a difference. Julia is learning new things at our place. For example, she wants to learn to read a clock with hands. She’s getting pretty good at it. 

            Awhile back I bought an online subscription to The Washington Post. I have always enjoyed reading the newspaper and I find myself doing so multiple times a day. It is strange that a new article can appear at any time (instead of being in print on paper and the paper being issued just once a day. I find myself wondering a great deal about the “Latino” vote. While I realize that the population is very diverse, it is still difficult to understand how any segment might support Trump. I read an article about Evangelical Christians and how they do not care about the ethics of the person they vote for- only whether that person will oppose abortion and meet other demands. I still think that racism is the primary “driver” for the support for Trump. It is appalling to realize how great vote suppression has been and how hard people have worked to deny voting rights to minorities. 

November 14, 2020

            Today we kept the girls from 7:30 to 5:00. They behaved fairly well. We did many things: crafts; a walk in the cemetery; filling the bird feeders; puzzles; coloring; dancing; dress ups; reading; and helping Lily learn to use the potty. 

            It was a satisfying day. On the way to Erika’s house, we noticed how many people have already put up Christmas decorations. On the news, someone said she had put her Christmas tree up early to make her children happy. We never do Christmas decorating prior to Thanksgiving…..

November 15, 2020

            I took a walk this morning. It was cold- less so in the woods. After church I attended a ZOOM session for our Richmond church on “Courageous Conversations.”  It was supposed to center on race relations but quickly degenerated into people discussing others who will not wear masks. Some conversation dealt with ways to “get to know” pro-Trump supporters, and then working out relationships with them. I only listened and did not ‘un-mute’. Some members had family they no longer spoke to and others had severed friendships. While some people had naïve ideas about possible friendships with pro-Trump individuals, others felt that listening to their views was counter-productive as the “listening” is one-way and not an exchange- s3ort of an “enabling” rather than “enlightening.” 

            I had joined hoping there would be talk of actions. I wish I knew what might help the African-American women in our church. I recall a study done many years ago. A researcher from “the North” moved to “the South” and could not understand the racism. After extensive research, he decided that his new neighbors were typical people except that they perceived African-Americans as not quite human and therefore not deserving respectful or equal treatment. The false belief was not due to mental illness, according to the study, but was something like a learned and shared belief system. 

            COVID is worsening. It is far worse than it was in the beginning when we all were so scared. I guess we now are numb and “just going about business.” I suspect that there will soon be panic buying. Erika wants us to get the food for Thanksgiving while the stores are still stocked. As I shop, I suspect she is right as all the Thanksgiving items just about are gone. 

            With high winds (60 mph) and wet conditions, we mostly stayed home today. I made cookies and granola. 

            I am doing some reading on evangelical Christians and racism. I firmly believe that racism was the top reason that Trump received support. I was glad to find some confirmation of my opinion in recent articles. I copied the following from one article: “There is vanishingly little that Democrats (or Republicans, for that matter) can do to persuade voters to switch sides, because race, and views on race, are the most important factors determining how people vote. Add to the White evangelicals’ turnout the votes of the smaller proportions of White mainline Protestants and Catholics with high levels of racial resentment, as defined by the American Values Survey, and you’ve accounted for the bulk of Trump’s coalition.”

November 16, 2020

            Today we did errands and it took all morning. We went to Staples and picked out paper for the Holiday letter. We used to use the Frog Hollow Farm stationary but that is in the past. We chose a cheerful holiday paper with a cardinal and bought the matching envelopes. Now I can work in earnest on addressing the letters and on finishing the letter itself. It will require difficult decisions about what to share with many others. 

            We picked up Julia at school. I so enjoy helping her complete homework. I think our talks about the content broaden her horizons. It is wonderful to watch her learn new skills. She got interested in counting money (which I gather she has not done) and learned that 4 quarters make a dollar. 

            I resurrected the messenger feature on my tablet and sent my granddaughter in Richmond a message. I told her to expect a package by next Saturday. I put together a picture book of the visit to Erika’s farm titled “Cousins 2020.” I planned to send it for a Thanksgiving present. To my delight, my grandchild responded immediately with an invitation to video chat. So Phil and I we able to talk with her and her parents! 

            Later I watched a PBS program about how utility companies in Nevada “shut down” the promising solar energy movement. I’m so disgusted by ‘Big Business.’ I also read today about how Trump wants to negotiate leases on federal land in Alaska to his buddies for oil drilling. Will greed never end? 

November 17, 2020

            Today is my oldest daughter’s birthday. We called her phone and sang ‘Happy Birthday’ on the voice mail. It is snowing today and we spend the day at home until we need to retrieve Julia from school. 

            The pandemic just gets worse. It is worse than in March and April. Vermont had been doing so well. Now they are having a surge. The governor is imposing strict rules and guidelines. Most of the surge is due to small social gatherings and these are prohibited. People appear upset. They can no longer have coffee with a neighbor. A family can go to a restaurant, but not two friends. No Thanksgiving gatherings (except for immediate family). Where will it end? 

            I watch a ‘Rick Stead’ travel show. He is on a cruise with 3,000 others. I see why I would not like a cruise. I’ve never been on one and I’m disinclined to ever consider a cruise. This evening, PBS has a documentary on Hitler. I can’t watch it. I feel as though our country is headed in that direction. 

            I watch a program on the Reconstruction Period. I had heard some about these years but I was unaware of the actual progression. Blacks were doing well, and they were participating in politics and civic affairs and obtaining their own land and property. And then, that ended! Seeing how racism rose up and conquered - it made my stomach turn. We owe these people. Maybe Donald Trump has facilitated some needed change (but I doubt that people will ever REALLY change). Even if the best we can do is offer a more level playing field, without change of minds and hearts, that change would be an improvement. 

November 18, 2020

            What are we becoming? Today president Trump announces that he doesn’t like Governor Cumo and he will see to it that New York residents do not get any vaccine for COVID-19. I also read an article written by the head of the Public Health Department in a rural county in Missouri. After confrontations from residents, death threats, and threats against her children, she is leaving the position. She says the residents of her county don’t want to wear masks and don’t believe that COVID is real, even when they have lost loved ones to the disease. Since when can public servants be openly threatened with no reprisals? 

            Later this evening, PBS reports on the rise of neo-Nazism within German police! Speculation is that these individuals want to take over Germany militarily. Jews and others have received death threats and told that they will be killed “at the right time.” 

November 19, 2020

            Yesterday we kept Lily all day and picked up Julia from school. Then I made dinner. I was tired and this morning I slept longer than usual. I did not get up until 8:30. We went into town to do errands. For 43 years we lived on an isolated farm and one could not see our house from the road. Therefore, we did limited decorations outside of our house. I usually put a red bow on the mailbox and a wreath on the door. Now we live along a well-traveled road- one of two that feeds into Plattsburgh from the west. There is a steady stream of traffic. So for the first time, we can enhance the neighborhood with some outdoor lights. 

            I was excited to go looking for some potential outdoor light displays. We settled on some outdoor lights to go along the porch railings and two LED stylized trees to grace the yard. It is supposed to be warmer tomorrow and we will try to put them in place. 

            I also read an article about the benefits of a humidifier in keeping one healthy enough to survive COVID and seasonal flu. We bought a humidity gauge to help determine whether or not we need a humidifier. We also looked at insulated blinds to help cut down on the heat loss through the sliding glass door. 

            I started reading today which was a great relief compared to listening to and reading news. The news is all about what trick Trump is trying to win the election and the surge in COVID. So depressing! Reading the history of Chazy and ghost stories of Clinton County is refreshing! 

November 20, 2020 (Friday)

            Today was milder and a good day to do the outdoor decorating. Our farm was so far from the road that we never decorated anything except the mailbox. This is the first time since I was little that we have had outdoor lighting displays. I find tasteful holiday lights fun to see so I was excited to think that we were perhaps lifting someone’s spirits by putting up our display. We are the last house before a long stretch of apple orchard so our display “stands out” with no other competition.  Although I might like to get one additional LED tree that is larger, it still is a nice, tasteful display- white outdoor lighting on the porch railings and two small multi-colored LED trees next to the porch. 

November 21, 2020 (Saturday)                                                                     

            Today was a good day. We were up early and picked up Lily and Julia. The day was full of fun things! We got them breakfast and they played for a time. Then we went to a nearby state park where the ranger did an outdoor walk for children to find places where animals and birds sleep in winter. The walk was about a mile. It was not too terribly cold and quite fun. 

            After lunch we went to the library. Lily (age 3) had asked and asked if she might have her own library card. She asked the librarian and he obliged! She was so excited! The girls had hoped to play in the library (they have a wonderful Children’s Corner with activities and art materials) but that space was closed. Children can only stay long enough to choose out books for check out. Even though we were the only ones in the library, we made our stay short. Julia was disappointed. The library has computers with children’s learning games, but these were shuttered. We had fun reading the books though when we got home. 

            In the afternoon we baked cookies. The girls had a great time decorating them! I had purchased squeeze icings and sprinkles and other decorations. We watched some videos of professionals decorating cookies. I was impressed with how well the girls handled the tasks! We made the dough and rolled it and organized the cookie cutters then made the cuts. We put the cookies on trays and applied decorations, leaving a few cookies bare to do the decorative icings. After baking, we let them cool then applied icings and more sprinkles. It is a lot of steps, some with waiting, and I was glad the girls could manage it. 

November 22, 2020

            This morning I started sorting out my holiday letter list. Every year I write a long Holiday Letter and send it to many people. There are some people to whom I send cards instead of the letter. These are people with who I feel uncomfortable sharing our personal family information. Most people get a hard copy of the letter as I think it is more fun to get something in the U.S. Mail than just getting an E-mail. However, regular mail is expensive and some people prefer E-mail so there is a list of those who will simply get the Holiday letter on E-mail. All together, about 150 people will receive some form of holiday greeting from us! 

            We learned during church services this morning that the pastor will be leaving at the end of the year. Phil and I are quite attached to her and we were stunned. As if the political situation was not bad enough, it seems that every few days bring stressful news on a more personal level.       

November 23, 2020

            I’m watching a PBS program about eugenics in prison. Through this century and perhaps still today, women in prison, especially minority women were sterilized without their knowledge and consent. Sterilization is another form of racial injustice. It is horrific and unreal and almost unbelievable that such tactics are used to subvert women who are minorities. So much work to be done! 

            Our “Corrections” system is an abomination! People should not be given total power over other people. That imbalance of power is at the root of child abuse and domestic violence and slavery. We are here to give each other a hand, not to control each other. 

            Otherwise, it was a good day. We had Julia all day. We played games, read books, took a walk to see the neighbor’s Christmas decorations, did some practice school work, and unpacked and put out the Christmas Village. I started something new with Julia. I asked her if there was a question she wanted to research on the computer. She said she wanted to learn how fish can breathe in water and why we can’t breathe in water. There were many U-Tube videos about this topic and we watched several. I will see whether or not this sort of activity is fun for her and helps her learn how to do online research. I have always been good at research. My students (who are much more “computer savvy” than I) often say they can’t find any information on an assigned topic. Within a few minutes, I am generally able to assemble a group of relevant studies for them. 

            Politically, a glimmer of hope as the Trump administration frees the funds for the Biden team to begin the transition of power. 

November 24, 2020 (Tuesday)

            Today was a perfectly wonderful day. Julia was here. We played games, decorated the house for Christmas, took a 1.5-hour, 2-mile walk to the Quarry lake to see the hundreds of Canadian Geese, played with Play- Doh, watched the ‘Wiggles’ and researched the differences between llamas and alpacas. After Julia was picked up, Phil and I ran some errands. 

            The Biden administration appears to be moving forward. The transition is moving forward, despite Trump’s best efforts. I wonder if his ‘followers’ will begin to engage in civil unrest. 

November 25, 2020 (Wednesday)

            Today Erika came with the Julia and Lily. We had fun decorating the tree, eating lunch, and going to the library. Erika took the girls to see their other grandparents. I hope they stayed outside as I don’t trust that section of the family to socially distance. This issue is one of the most daunting. How does one deal with relatives who don’t conduct themselves properly? In this case, I barely know my son-in-law’s father and his new wife and I don’t feel much pressure to please them. However, I know that my daughter feels that pressure. Can she protect us by insisting on her children remaining outside? I’ll probably never know. 

November 26, 2020 (Thursday)

            Today was a perfect Thanksgiving Day, especially given that there is a pandemic. We lounged at home in the morning. I made the corn pudding and readied the sweet potatoes. I assembled cheese and crackers. We watched the Macy’s Day parade, which was orchestrated well, I thought. It was a much-needed feel of normalcy, except for masks and empty streets. 

            I packed up our food and we were off to Erika’s house, forgetting only the mushrooms (which would have gone into the stuffing). Erika cooked not one but two turkeys since she is feeding neighbors and her students who had to stay in Plattsburgh. We had the traditional meal complete with homemade bread, mashed potato, salad and two kinds of cranberry sauce. Football (I fell asleep) and jigsaw puzzles completed the afternoon. We had a wonderful call to my oldest granddaughter through messenger. She played the piano for us and showed Lily and Julia her room.  They talked and talked! In their neighborhood, all the families stayed at home and had no company. So they organized a food exchange. Each family cooked one dish but enough for all and divided it. My daughter made brisket. Others made more traditional dishes such as green bean casserole.  Later, back at home I watched the National Dog Show as Phil dozed. 

            We truly have much to be thankful for.  Phil and I don’t need to figure out how to work during the pandemic. We retired at just the right time and sold the farm and closed our businesses. We have sufficient retirement income. We have two comfortable homes – one near each of our children. We are in reasonable health. We like each other and rarely fuss. Our children are doing well. We have three beautiful grandchildren. We have some wonderful friends. We have interests. So far, we are not showing cognitive decline (or at least not much!). 

November 27, 2020 (Friday)

            We had the girls today and it was a very good day. The children are a joy. Julia wanted a whirlpool bath. Lily is afraid of the “jets” but decided to take a bath as long as the jets were off. 

November 28, 2020 (Saturday)

            Today we picked up our wreath. The lady who made it is an expert in medicinal herbs and native plants. She showed us through her garden. I arranged with her to come back and buy plants in the spring for the gardens I plan for our house. I felt like I had found a friend. 

            We needed a few things and went to Wal-Mart. I hate patronizing large impersonal stores! I want to find a way to shift this pattern that the pandemic started. Since Wal-Mart has most everything and is a very large store, going to one place, once a week and getting everything needed was (and still is) attractive. But it goes against my values. 

November 29, 2020 (Sunday)

            After church (online) we went to a Christmas Tree Farm to see about buying a second wreath.  Then we went exploring on a drive, winding up at Erika’s. They had slaughtered a rooster and she was making chicken soup. It smelled good. We were invited to stay for soup and muffins but elected to go home. We had leftovers and wanted to put our Christmas lights on and get the house warm. 

            It has been a relief to witness the steady dismissal of Trump’s lawsuits. However, I feel as though he has forever changed our lives, just as the pandemic has changed our lives. I don’t think he will ever “go away”- he will continue to try to destroy our lives. A more optimistic line of thinking is that Trump is so extreme that he has jarred us into dealing with racism. Minorities were making slow progress. Perhaps they and the rest of us will no longer be satisfied with the idea that life is better and there is slow progress. Maybe Trump will have triggered a great leap forward. The other part of my brain says that there is always a backlash. In four more years we could wind up with Trump again or one of his children or buddies. 

November 30, 2020 (Monday)

            Today was a delightful day. We got maintenance done on the car; picked up materials for making ornaments from the Alice Miner Museum, went to the Post Office, and worked some more on the Holiday letter. We picked up Julia and had a fine afternoon making ornaments, doing the homework, reading, doing the ‘prep’ work for the Gingerbread Village, and making bead necklaces. 

            Today I did some research on hypocrisy in organized religion. So much racism! (I had not realized this until recently.) So much homophobia! Due to my extensive work on child protection, I was well aware of the myriad of cases of children molested by priests and other religious leaders as well as children physically abused and emotionally abused by religious leaders. Also, women seduced by religious leaders- to the point of joining a commune. Religion is starting to look like a con game. I’m a bit amazed at myself for giving it a try. My church just fired our pastor. Being new to the congregation, I don’t have a clue about why. I admired this woman and she was very welcoming to Phil and I. Before I invest any more of my resources, I need to know whether or not the church board shares my values and ethics. I need to see what steps they will take and how the church will evolve without the pastor. It is a pandemic ‘silver lining.’ I am grateful that the pandemic allowed us to postpone taking RMD from retirement accounts. We had planned to use some of those funds to make a much more substantial contribution towards helping the church retire the mortgage. Now I have time to re-evaluate. 

            The other interesting topic of the day was a program about facial recognition for COWS. Yes, cows! Apparently, farmers need to keep track of cows in case one gets sick with something dire and exposes other cows. It reminds me of ‘contact tracing.’ Cows that have been exposed to the sick cow must be tested.  The current system of ear tag identification is expensive and time consuming whereas facial recognition is fairly simple (an app and a few photos). I am amazed that technological advances keep coming even during a pandemic. 

December 1, 2020 (Tuesday)

            Most of today was spent on either errands or on the Holiday letter. We dropped our cookies at the “cookie exchange.” I liked the woman coordinating the event. Perhaps we can become friends. 

December 2, 2020 (Wednesday)

            We had Lily all day. She is quite a delightful child. She is working so hard to learn to manage her body and use the “potty.” Today she was successful three times. She is so proud to have a library card and Wednesday is library day. She insists upon holding and managing her library card herself. She retrieves it from the drawer (where her sister’s card and grandpa’s card are also kept- mine is in my wallet) and she carefully returns it to drawer when we are back from the library. 

December 3, 2020 (Thursday)

            My sense of time is warped. I was cleaning e-mail today. I encountered some e-mail from 2018 and realized that our Florida trip was in 2018- only 2 years ago! It feels more like four or five years ago in some other lifetime. 

            I find I’m generally happier now that we have a purpose- helping care for the children. I’m also encouraged because our contractor appeared today with the electrician to have him get an estimate on installing the electrical.

            I’m watching a dateline special about the COVID vaccine. My opinion has softened. If Dr. Fauci takes the vaccine, I will. I’m not confident it will be effective, however, so I will continue to socially distance and wear a mask. 

December 4, 2020 (Friday)

            I want to talk about my observations of adherence to “pandemic rules.” We have, of course, the multitude of Trump supporters who won’t wear masks. They visibly endanger themselves and everyone around them. But there are also reasonable people who find quarantine too odorous to manage. For example, we know a couple who have a home in Florida and one in New York. They “summer” in New York. They did not complete the forms for entry to New York when they went to their summer home, nor did they quarantine. Both are college-educated and otherwise law-abiding (to my knowledge). The lady we mentor who moved from Plattsburgh to Richmond now plans to return over Christmas to visit friends. She tells me she will not quarantine. She says she has a New York driver’s license and New York plates on her car. If apprehended, she will pretend that she has never left New York. Further, she plans to stay with a friend who has cancer which hardly seems wise. My friend was staying with her son in Vermont. She did not want to spend the winter in Vermont. So last week, despite Vermont’s “stay-at-home” mandate, her son took her to Virginia. He returned to Vermont and did not quarantine but went back to work as usual. 

            I’m reading about the Prohibition era in upper state New York. It is part of a larger read on the history of Clinton County. My impression is that Prohibition has some parallels with the pandemic. It was unpopular and hundreds, if not thousands, of people were willing to defy Prohibition and drink anyway. Ways to smuggle alcohol (to “beat the system”) were many. Ultimately, Prohibition failed and could not be sustained. 

            The other take-a-way from today is Julia (of course). I had been dressing in old sweat pants and other plain clothing. I felt a bit more upbeat and put on one of my outfits that I often wore to work – a pair of black pants and a bright yellow blouse.  Julia, age 6, took one look and said, “I like your yellow blouse!” Well- I had not thought that a small child might notice my clothing and comment on it. Now I will try to dress better even if all we are doing is hanging out at home and making cookies. 

December 5, 2020 (Saturday) 

            Today I want to talk about what I am hearing from friends and colleagues. I have been sending out our Holiday letter and a few people have already responded back. 

             I am hearing from friends who are also therapists (psychologists; counselors; social workers in private practice). What I hear is that people thought the pandemic meant the end of their business. However, all have adjusted and most very quickly. They like in-person services better, but virtually all of their clients were willing to be seen virtually. Most now have a combination of in-person and virtual sessions. All report that business is increased. For example, one friend who practices in a small rural town said that, all of a sudden, she has clients from all over Virginia and her part-time practice is almost doubled. Another closed her secondary office in a nearby town, planning to down-size in anticipation of retirement. However, her referrals in her main office tripled and she is seeing more people than before she closed her second office. Still, I’m glad that I do not have to cope with the transitions. Testing is quite different than therapy and most of my practice in the last 10 years has been assessment. 

            What I am hearing from other professors and teachers is different. I hear that it is tough. Students are hard to engage virtually and learning is different. Tests are harder to execute and cheating is an issue. For those teaching high school, attendance is an issue. Also, students often turn off the video and it is impossible to know whether or not they are present and attending. My colleagues report spending an inordinate number of hours creating online lectures and labs- as much as 30 hours for a 1-hour presentation. Fellow faculty report that that they are basically exhausted. 

            Other retired friends report that the pandemic has given them more time for hobbies and home-based projects. They enjoy the time at home. Some say the pandemic is not much different than their usual life (except for the gym being closed). How different these folks are from me! How are we friends?  While I feel “at loose ends” and unproductive, all our friends comment on how much activity Phil and I report (it does not feel like a full schedule to me!). People compliment the family on how much we have done to help others, how active we have been, and how little they are doing (but they seem so much more content than I am!). We have done some to help: my son-in-law was part of a clinical trial for the Pfizer vaccine; I have worked as a contact tracer through the Virginia Reserve Medical Corps; daughter Erika has made masks for the students and faculty at SUNY Plattsburgh and for the local hospital to give to visitors; Phil and I work at a Food Pantry and we also offer support to an older disabled person through a ‘Friendly Visitors’ program; my daughter Erika has made meals for stranded students at her university and for elderly neighbors. However, these actions, while important, seem meager to me in comparison to the need. 

December 6, 2020 

            I’ve been thinking more about prohibition and the outright defiance of a large chunk of the population. Then I started thinking about the general concept of lifestyle changes. I know from my research and clinical work that more than half of the general population are simply unable (or perhaps just unwilling) to make lifestyle changes. So people who have heart attacks won’t exercise properly and eat properly. Nor will people diagnosed with diabetes. (My cousin was so opposed to lifestyle changes that he took his own life rather than allow them.) Those addicted are unlikely to overcome their addiction, even after intensive treatment. So why expect people in a pandemic to cooperate? Lifestyle change is very uncomfortable. People no longer “feel like themselves.” Life style changes trigger changes to our core identities. 

            Even something like getting people to use seat belts is difficult and that is a small change. My mother, an otherwise law-abiding woman, would not wear a seat belt because she felt that the seat belt wrinkled her clothing. She also did not like the feeling of being confined. Another change she refused to make was safety in canning. Tomatoes changed to be less acid so the old “open Kettle” cann+ing became very unsafe. She refused to recognize this reality (despite much education on my part and the Extension Office’s efforts). Then she was upset when I would not eat her canning! 

December 7, 2020 (Monday)

            Today we received a call in response to our Holiday letter. Since the pandemic, I have been contacting friends that we had not been in contact with for some years and sometimes many years. One such couple was a lady I did my internship with in California and her partner. We were very compatible and became close friends. We maintained the friendship for some years as Phil and travelled back to California to visit my cousin and other close friends. For the next 10 years, we made trips once a year or every two years up until I got pregnant. However, once the children came we rarely visited and even on visits had trouble connecting with them. It had been about 35 years since we had seen them in person and over a decade since we had even sent a Holiday letter. 

            What we learned is that our friend had a heart attack, was in the hospital for about 8 weeks, and then died last summer. It was not clear to me whether or not she contracted COVID, but I think that is likely. We were, of course, stunned to hear that news. It is a sobering reminder to get done what we can in this world and prepare for our own passing. 

            Phil and I have been good preparers for our eventual passing. We have had wills ever since our first child. We have also thought about our inheritance and legacy and made plans for that. We have given to our children (and grandchildren) regularly have trust funds for the grandchildren. We update frequently. We created funds (scholarship and otherwise) at our alma mater. We have two funds for charitable giving through the Harrisonburg-Rockingham Community Foundation. One is a scholarship honoring my parents given each year to a graduating senior at Oxford Area High School. The second is a donor-advised fund. I also have put together a (very large) notebook of paperwork so that when we pass on, all the information that our oldest daughter needs as executor is in one place- information on investments and retirement accounts; information on bank accounts; our will; our powers of attorney; the medical powers of attorney; copies of our bequeath of our bodies to the Virginia State Anatomical Program; insurance info; copies of motor vehicle information; the deed to our house; information about the house and its bills and utilities; a copy of our will; passwords to all online accounts- the list goes on. I need to rough out obituaries- they are so difficult to write under stress. 

December 8, 2020 (Tuesday)

            Today was a satisfying day of errands. We took the mittens and snow pants and coats and boots into the church for the ‘Mitten Tree.’ We went to the florist and to the grocery and among other things, bought table arrangements for Christmas. We took one to Kevin’s grandmother. By that time, we needed to pick up Julia. She wanted to research the origins of Christmas and we also looked at videos of Christmas lights. 

            In Great Britain the first person received the vaccine for COVID. Trump is still filing lawsuits which are getting bizarre and routinely the courts are sending negative messages to him and rejecting his claims. I still feel that our democracy has suffered major blows. Also I fear for Biden’s life and wonder whether or not there will be an assassination attempt. 

December 9, 2020 (Wednesday) 

            This evening I watched a documentary on World War II and Mussolini. It is amazing that the tactics used are the very same ones used by Trump. How can people continue to donate money to him when he is such a crook? Some say he is only contesting the election in order to raise money to pay off part of his $400 million in debt. How can one person have a debt of $400 million? What institution would even advance such money? 

December 10, 2020 (Thursday) 

            I am starting to receive e-mails and a small amount of snail mail due to sending my holiday letter. People appear much more content than I feel (even now that I am more content due to caring for the grandchildren). While my friends say that it has been a strange year, I don’t sense in them what I feel. I feel that life is FOREVER changed and will not “go back to normal.” 

December 11, 2020 (Friday) 

            Tonight we watch a film festival by Wild Virginia. I wonder if we will ever see new wild places. Some of the featured areas we have seen in-person in the past. Conservation and preservation is so vital. It is hard to understand why a company wants to destroy the environment for temporary dollars in their pocket. It is not like they are starving and trying to eat! 

December 12, 2020 (Saturday)

            Phil went off with our son-in-law, Kevin, to help at the Sugar House. I took the opportunity to go hiking at the state park near us and also to drive to a beer brewery and explore some small towns south of Plattsburgh. It was a nice day. 

December 13, 2020 (Sunday)

            Today was spent mostly interacting with our two churches. I am skeptical of organized religion. Our Richmond church had a ZOOM meeting to discuss the termination of our minister. Most everyone engaged in smooth “double speak” and we learned little more than we already knew. 

            The afternoon was spent pleasantly at Erika’s home watching a movie starring ‘Winnie-the-Pooh.’ 

December 14, 2020 (Monday)

            We received our thermal shades the other day. Phil put up one small one and the announced that was enough for one day. My how we have changed from working hard for 16 hours or more! 

            I researched where we might get the second half of our shingles shot. We shall do that later in the week. We got two Christmas cards in the mail! 

            Threats against officials just get worse and some are being pursued to their homes and their families threatened. Out outgoing President has even goaded his supporters into saying that Joe Biden will never take office. Armed men (and a few women) are threatening public health officials and others. We have tolerated so much violence in this country. School shootings, domestic violence, police brutality- people have learned that ‘Might Makes Right’ and that no one will intervene. Bullying and threatening behaviors are getting to be routine occurrences. I fear an attack by a sniper on Biden and Harris before the inauguration. Trump wants them stopped anyway he can. He is calling for civil unrest. 

December 15, 2020 (Tuesday)

            People are starting to receive the COVID vaccine. I wonder, since we are not New York residents, whether or not we will be able to receive the vaccine while in New York. I would guess we can. Since we will be here for many months, it is to New York’s advantage to make certain we are immunized. There must be many other people in this position such as students who are from out-of-state or even health workers who came here to help with the pandemic. I imagine it will be months before they get to our ‘category’ of risk. 

            McConnell has finally recognized Joe Biden’s victory- as has Putin. I wonder if that is coincidence or if there is some sort of ‘cause and effect’ relationship. 

            We put up the larger of the insulated blinds today. It is truly beautiful. The insulated feature appears to be working well. The room is warmer with less expenditure of heat. 

            A friend called today- we also got a Christmas card from a friend. Those connections seem so important! 

December 16, 2020 (Wednesday)

            Today was our day with Lily, and a totally delightful day it was! We picked Julia up at school and we all went to the library. Lily had made cookies and she took a bag of them to the librarian. 

            I notice less news coverage of Trump and his vicious attacks. I am calmer as the news spotlight gradually turns to Biden-Harris and their plans. The vaccinations are being rolled out and started. I read some silly things on FACEBOOK comments about how the virus will change one’s DNA. Fake information is rampant, even among my contacts! 

December 17, 2020 (Thursday)

            With bad weather on the way, we headed into Plattsburgh to get the second half of our shingles shot. We needed to get that done before the end of the month so that our insurance plan would pay a portion. I had finally met the deductible! I had a negative reaction to the shot, which had not happened with the first one. After a long nap, I felt more like myself again. 

            This evening, on late night television, Steven Colbert interviewed the Joe and Jill Biden. They are a cute couple and obviously good people. The president-elect is not as well-spoken as I would like, but I think he is the right person to be in the job. I pray his health holds out until the end of his term. The Georgia elections will be crucial in determining what the Democrats can do. Early in-person voting is already underway. I imagine there will be another big fight about voting by mail. 

December 18, 2020

            Today the governor of Vermont is on television doing a press conference. He is talking about the lack of information about long-term effects of the COVID vaccine. Apparently there is not much information about long-term effects. He was asked about treatments. Again there is no standard of care and limited availability of some of the treatments for COVID. 

            I personally doubt that a sufficient number of people will take the vaccine so that we have any ‘herd immunity.’ I talked with my cousin not long ago and told her we had gotten our second shingles shot. She replied that she is anti-vaccination. Shingles, she claims, is caused by anxiety and she will not contract it, she says, because she is ‘not anxious.’ It will be interesting to see how that works out for her. I suppose that being upset could trigger a disorder if the body is off balance and carrying the vulnerability. However, using that information to refuse a vaccine is not sensible. 

December 19, 2020 (Saturday)

            Today was a satisfying day. Erika stopped by around 10:00 and we took the children to Point Au Roche Park where the ranger had activities for children set up in a tent outside. We were the first to arrive and only when we were leaving did some other children appear. The activity was a very good choice for social distancing. It was cold and I took one of the activities (making snowflakes) home so the children could do it with their mom while I made everyone lunch. 

            Phil had gone to help with the Sugar bush operation so after Erika and the children left, I headed out for a ride and a stop at the store. I found a new way of going to Champlain. In the evening, I tried to identify the converging of Saturn and Jupiter but I could not determine where it might be. 

December 20, 2020 (Sunday)

            Today I am preparing for Erika’s family to come to dinner and the children will remain for the night. I called a few friends. One is down and feeling that Christmas is not worthwhile this year. Another appeared confused and ended the conversation quickly. I arranged for something special (fruit basket; flowers) to be delivered to her. I wish I could do more. 

            It has started snowing and I wonder if Kevin’s business trip might be cancelled. I was enjoying the idea of an ‘overnight’ with the grandchildren. I also wonder whether or not it will be too overcast to see the ‘Christmas Star’ that will be created by Saturn and Jupiter converging. What a shame if it is too cloudy to see it! 

            I wonder about the ‘permanent’ changes that will come from the pandemic. Many of the procedures we have adopted appear to me to be things that we should continue. 

December 21, 2020 (Monday) 

            Today was full and busy. We took Julia to school and had Lily for the entire day. She is interesting. We had a good time- going on walks, doing activities, watching some video, playing games. She was eager to pick up Julia at school (something she rarely is able to do). I made dinner and we took it over to my daughter’s farm. We were just sitting down to eat when they drove in. They were busy unloading and doing animals and said they would eat later. 

            I was pleased to see money in the proposed COVID relief package for mental health counseling. So many people are depressed and not functioning well. I think most people do better with short-term crisis. 

            We had hoped to see the ‘Christmas Star.’ It is in position only once every 800 years. But it was too cloudy to see it. I was glad I mentioned it to my daughter in Richmond. She was able to see it and they watched for about 20 minutes. 

December 22, 2020 (Tuesday)

            Having a sense of purpose is so important. I had that today. We shopped in the morning for the food for Christmas Day. We did a few errands. When we returned home, there was an invitation to participate in the Christmas Eve service at our church. We have been going to this church about a year and this will be our first time to participate. I’m kind of excited by the idea. We will only be reading a short passage (selected by the worship committee) but still, it will make us more a part of the congregation. 

            We picked up Julia but had her only for a short time. Her mom was taking Lily and Julia ice skating at the local rink. We won’t see them again until Christmas Day in the afternoon. They are planning to go skiing tomorrow and then do baking and cleaning on Friday. While she was here, Julia saw a book I had gotten at the library on Ruth Bader Ginsberg. She asked who that was. I checked online and found two videos for children about Ginsberg. We watched them. I think I will try to occasionally expose Julia to women feminists and reformers. I want her to realize the importance of working towards ideals. 

            We got a package of mail and Christmas presents from our daughter in Richmond. Julia had great fun putting the presents under the tree. We enjoyed the Christmas cards that were forwarded. Almost everyone is simply sending a picture with a short greeting- I would rather have a letter update! 

            The sky was a bit more clear tonight and we drove to a spot where we could see the ‘Christmas Star.’ I’m not certain we saw it, but I think we did. It was bright but not as bright as it would have been last night. 

            The late news announced that Trump will not sign the COVID relief bill and will deny the American people and businesses the money they need to survive. He also is planning his own inauguration of himself as president. I wonder whether he will need to be taken forcefully from the White House. He pardoned 15 people, mostly his friends. What a bizarre end to the day! 

December 23, 2020 (Wednesday)

            Today was pleasant. I went early to the Post Office. One of the checks I sent 14 days ago still has not arrived. I paid $27 to get a second one delivered before the end of the year. Apparently the Post Office is in total disarray. Some of my friends have not gotten mail for days. They were told all the first class letters were “on hold” because of the volume of packages. 

            I picked up our pie. We went to the library and returned books and picked up some more. We went to Plattsburgh (twice!) to pick up a load of construction material for Kevin and the Sugar House. Erika and Kevin took the children skilling. I’m glad they are able to have a day just for a ‘family vacation.’ 

            In the evening, we attended a ‘rehearsal’ for Christmas Eve Service with our church. We were asked to do a reading- since we are fairly new to the congregation, it is a nice opportunity for us. 

            I wrapped the presents today and I am grateful. We are able to afford not only basic needs but also gifts. I am still struggling with how to be involved in philanthropy. I have causes that I believe in but I have trouble determining what organizations have a viable approach. I also get discouraged when funds we have donated are mismanaged and/or designated for causes other than what we intended. This happened at Eastern Mennonite University. Phil donated tens of thousands of dollars for a scholarship for a theatre major. Then EMU fired the theatre faculty, ended the major, and kept Phil’s money. So much for agreements signed with institutions of higher education! Now our church has fired the pastor we adore with no public explanation. I am grateful that the pandemic meant that we could defer taking RMD and therefore did not make the large contribution to them that we had planned to make.  

December 24, 2020

            Today was a day of preparation. I made certain that I had everything we needed for Christmas Day. Our excitement for the day was a squirrel. There are very high winds. They caused the ‘squirrel-proof’ feeder top to blow up slightly, leaving enough room for the squirrel to squish into the feeder. However, he could not get out. We took the opportunity to drive him far away before releasing him near a forest. There is one less squirrel at our feeder, at least for a while. I’ve heard that they work their way back to their usual haunts. 

            I’m doing bird counting for the Audubon Society. Today was a ‘count’ day. Between the squirrel and the poor weather, few birds came to the feeder today. 

            I had time today to read. I’ve been reading about the history of Clinton County. There are many ghost stories and interesting stories about early life in the county. I’ve learned about bootlegging during prohibition. I’ve read about the famous criminals (and the less-than-impressive response of law enforcement). I’m learning about early efforts to set up maple sugar operations. Getting in touch with history is always important. 

December 25, 2020 (Friday)

            Today was darn-near perfect! Christmas for us usually means alternating between the girls. We are either in Richmond, Virginia or Chazy, New York. This year was no different, except that instead of a phone call, we had a ZOOM session with the folks in Richmond. ZOOM is much more satisfying than the usual phone call. We were able to open gifts together and see the decorations. The ‘visit’ was longer than usual and we did two of them. One was in the morning and then when Erika and Kevin and the girls came, we did another ZOOM call to watch the little ones open their packages. 

            It was strange to see the Richmond house empty of visitors. In past years, my daughter in Richmond has generally welcomed extended family for several days over theholiday . She and my son-in-law have a large house and it has been a gathering place in the past. Over a dozen people usually crowd the house and there is generally considerable noise and activity. Today all is calm. Only the three of them are there. 

            There were some changes in Chazy. Usually there are social functions at many of the homes of relatives. It is awkward if we don’t go and awkward if we do attend. The seemingly endless round of ‘regular’ events at various relatives either did not happen this year (or at least my daughter and family did not attend). I did not need to decide what to wear, what to bring, how long to stay and how to socialize. The change was both a relief and a disappointment. 

            We had a relaxed time. We experienced a leisurely meal, a walk, some outdoor play time, and much conversation. The day rates as one of the best Christmas celebrations ever. 

December 26, 2020

            I awoke to the morning news reviewing the major events of the year (of course!). It was simply exhausting to watch this! 2020 should be known as its own decade. Too much happened. 

            Phil has gone to help at the Sugar House. I am doing wash. Birds are returning to munch at the feeder. 

December 27, 2020 (Sunday) 

            Reading the Washington Post tonight, Dave Berry writes: 

This was a year of nonstop awfulness, a year when we kept saying it couldn’t possibly get worse, and it always did.

            That about says it all. 

December 28, 2020 (Monday)

            So Trump bluffs again. I guess he was suffering from no media coverage and decided if he tried to do in the country he would receive some press. People will receive benefits, even if there is a period of time when they don’t due to Trump’s temper fit. 

            The girls are coming today while Erika does some shopping and works some at the university. There are high winds so we may not get much time outside. The birds have disappeared again from the feeder. They don’t like the high winds. 

            I started reading a book on Ruth Bader Ginsburg. What an amazing person! Those of later generations will not likely have the same appreciation of the hard-fought progress for women. When I used to tell my students about some of the more recent discrimination towards women, they were in disbelief. For example, even in the 1970’s as a young professional, credit cards and accounts were placed in my husband’s name. There was no such thing as ‘marital rape.’ If one was married, the man was entitled to sexual activity with his wife, regardless of her wishes. For women, it was difficult to obtain a loan and so there were few woman-owned businesses. Even today, women are paid less for similar work. 

            I wonder whether the summer protests and ‘Black Lives Matter’ will make a substantial difference. One change I notice is increased use of minorities in advertisements. 

December 29, 2020 (Tuesday)

            Another great day spent  caring for the girls! They spent over an hour playing with Play-doh. In the evening, my college roommate called. I had not talked with her for years. So good to reconnect! 

December 30, 2020

            Well, the vaccine ‘rollout’ is going poorly with less than 10% of the target number vaccinated. Old people in Florida are bringing lawn chairs and sitting out all night to be in line for the vaccine. This is not right! Great Britain authorized a third vaccine today – so that is promising news. A 41-year-old Republican elected to Congress but not yet sworn in died from COVID. My past students who work now in hospitals are posting pictures of themselves getting vaccinated and my nephew, a doctor, also has gotten his first dose. 

            Phil worked today at the Sugar Bush and I kept the girls. We had a great time! Art projects, “spa” baths, a trip to the Chazy Public Library, reading – all good. The girls helped me pack up the Christmas Village- the rest of the decorations remain. There appears to be no hurry to take them down. 

            People are posting online about all they have learned through the pandemic. Mental health studies are being posted about the high rate of depression and “toll” on the elderly, especially. Television is running tributes to famous people who have died of COVID. 

December 31, 2020

            Given most New Year’s Eve celebrations in my lifetime, I got to wondering about alcohol use, alcohol fatalities, DUI arrests and similar topics. I found that teasing out the effects of the pandemic is daunting and complicated, influenced by many factors. 

            People are staying home to a degree and driving has declined. Bars and restaurants are closed or have limited hours. Enforcement efforts were in some places postponed early during the pandemic or curtailed. Therefore, one might expect fewer DUI citations and lower alcohol-related fatalities. That has been found in some studies, especially early during the pandemic. 

            There are indications that people in general are using more alcohol and drugs during the pandemic. Surveys by reputable sources (such as BCBS) have found 14% to 23% increase in consumption of alcohol. Sales of alcohol are up 54% overall and online sales have skyrocketed 262%. More people may be driving while intoxicated since people are afraid to utilize rideshares or public transportation. Also, people are speeding at frightful rates, perhaps due to less traffic on the road. 

            Crime rates are down, but there is a spike in domestic violence. I wonder about child abuse and I especially wonder about child neglect. Children are hidden (at least in part) even from teachers. Many are not even attending school or are attending with a black screen instead of their picture. No one is talking to children, scrutinizing them, and getting to know them. They are isolated and have few people to tell if abuse is occurring. It is a pedophile’s playground. While people are distracted, while children are missing their usual supports outside of the family, those who exploit can use the time to do so. 

            We watched the celebrations. Times Square was disappointing but Dubi, Sydney (Australia) and New Zealand made up for the paltry effort in the U. S. A. 

January 1, 2021

            It is interesting to look at the articles trending today:

             - Organizing Your Pandemic Wardrobe

            - Distracting Yourself with Technology

            - Heating Outdoor Spaces for Entertaining

            - Vacation Refund Strategies

            These topics and other similar offerings are topics I never expected to see, created by the pandemic and everyone’s attempts at creativity in their response. 

January 2, 2021 (Saturday)

            We got snow today! About six inches of snow. Phil spent hours working with the snow blower and probably taxed himself to the limit. I had hoped to go hiking with the group at Point of Roche but cancelled due to the weather. 

            The roads were sufficiently cleared by early afternoon for us to take our packages (gifts) and some treats and go to Erika’s for Julia’s birthday. Kevin took the girls on a snowmobile ride. We all enjoyed the new kitten that Erika procured for Julia. A good time was had by all. 

            Today I’ve been reading a book about the life of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. There are many parallels to my trajectory. Several items caught my eye. There was a “quota” on the number of women offered admission to law school. I had wanted to be a veterinarian (although now I think it might have been the wrong choice for me). When I looked into that possibility, I learned that women were simply not being admitted. When I asked why, I was told that only a few persons each year could be trained to be veterinarians. Since women would likely marry and have children and then stop working, it was considered to be a waste of precious resources to train women. Only men would be admitted. That policy changed somewhat during the time I was an undergraduate, but I had not taken the courses required for consideration and so that door was closed to me. 

            My field, Clinical Psychology, was a male-dominated field when I entered it. At the first meeting I attended of the Virginia Academy of Clinical Psychologists, only two other women were in the room of about 60 psychologists. The numbers changed over my career. At James Madison University, where I taught for over 40 years, I watched the proportion of males who were Psychology majors decline over time. Until we limited the number of majors, over 10% of the entire university majored in Psychology. At one point there were 1,500 of them! We limited the major to 900 at some point and put in prerequisites. By the time I retired, majors who were male were few in number.  I learned that parents were encouraging their male offspring to major in business or computer science. Parents wanted their children to be able to command a high salary upon graduation. 

            I chuckled when I read the bit about Ginsburg using carbon paper to make copies. I recall that practice as well as the “ditto” machine for making multiple copies of tests. There were no computers when I wrote my dissertation. Students had to hire a typist who could be very accurate. Each page had to be perfect with no “typos” that were made correct by correction fluid or other means. Only a few were proficient enough to type their own dissertations. 

            The book discussed how little literature there was on Women and the Law in 1970 and said Ginsburg read all of it. In my field (child abuse/child neglect/child sexual abuse) there was very few publications in 1975 when I started at the university. I read all of the literature and even obtained copies of most of it. There was so little on child sexual abuse that the section on my shelf was only about six inches wide. Over the years, the literature that I read and summarized for my publication (Virginia Child Protection Newsletter) occupied floor-to-ceiling shelving measuring about 20 feet by 30 feet on one wall and 10 feet by 30 feet on another wall. 

            The book about Ginsburg cites legal changes. I will be interested to learn why the legal changes on women’s rights have not resulted in wider changes “on the ground” and in the lives of women. In the area of child protection, there is still much progress to be made. But at least there is some mechanism to deal with cases. 

January 3, 2021 (Sunday)

            I continue to read about Ginsburg. We share considerable ground. I was fascinated to read about the pregnancy discrimination she experienced. I also experienced this. When I was up for tenure, I was denied, as was another pregnant faculty. We both eventually had the tenure decisions overturned. I had asked my department head about leave due to the impending birth. He referred me to the Dean. When I asked the Dean about the policy for pregnancy leave, he said there was none. He further explained that no one on the faculty had given birth during his tenure of more than a decade (or if someone had a child, they did so during a vacation period or in the summer when they were not teaching since faculty had 10-month contracts). I would need to arrange for “peer coverage” of my classes and continue to grade the written work myself. Peer coverage is when one asks a colleague to “cover” the teaching of a class and then returns the favor at some future point in time. My baby was born November 17. I arranged for coverage starting November 15 until the Thanksgiving Break. I returned to teaching my classes the Monday after Thanksgiving. James Madison University has since adopted a ‘Family Leave’ policy and some of my younger colleagues have been able to take off an entire semester. 

            I read further on Ginsburg’s experiences with pay discrimination. Women at James Madison University earned much less than male colleagues with similar credentials and work experience. The Woman’s Caucus amassed much data on pay disparities after a fight to get salary information released (since we were a public institution, the information was clearly in the public domain, but no matter it was still a fight to have it released).  I was paid less than men hired years after I became tenured. It hurts to be on the hiring committee and see a new Ph.D. be hired and paid more than you when you have eight or nine years more experience. I was paid so little!  When I was awarded a promotion to Full Professor, James Madison University had to raise my salary by over $5,000 to get me into the lowest pay band for Full Professors. Pay disparity lasts throughout one’s career and impacts retirement income and ability to save towards retirement. Retirement benefits are based on the average salary for a person’s last three years. I did apply for a pay adjustment due to discrimination and received an adjustment, although not an adjustment that made me equivalent to similar male faculty. I decided not to fight pay discrimination further. I had a private practice and in the summer and on weekends I could earn far more than any pay raise I might be awarded- but most women faculty did not have the option to supplement income in this fashion. 

January 4, 2021 (Monday)

            Today was very entertaining! The guy who was hired to remove our trees showed up with considerable equipment. He took down three giant trees and three medium sized trees. He and his crew were professional and thorough and were a joy to watch. The back yard looks different! 

January 5, 2021 (Tuesday)

            We headed to Erika’s today because the “tree guy” was supposed to take down one of her tress and both she and Kevin had to work. However, the fellow did not show. So we played with the cat, cleaned Erika’s house and did the dishes. Later we picked up Julia. 

            I was able to read some more in the Ruth Bader Ginsburg book. There was some interesting commentary about nursing mothers and work. I recall those days. The world was not very receptive to breastfeeding mothers when I was one. 

            I find the process of changing the world through case law to be tedious. I’m glad I worked on issues that had other ways to proceed. While it took three to eight years to change policy on child abuse and neglect, and even longer to change public opinion, progress was made and visible, not theoretical. 

January 6, 2021 (Wednesday)

            What a day in history. First- the Democrats won the Georgia elections! Then, the insurgents for Trump tried to take over the Capital. I hope every criminal is prosecuted. I hope Trump is held accountable for that woman’s death. 

            I think the riot was perfectly predictable. Why do news commentators express so much surprise about the events of the day? This is precisely what I thought might happen. Lawmakers appear to be grateful that they are alive. They are expressing willingness to work with each other and expressing appreciation for each other. There is talk of impeachment of Trump or Section 25 where Pence would take over the presidency. That would be better than a silver lining. It could remove Trump from further consideration as a candidate. 

            Mitt Romney is a person with values. I would vote for him and I have felt that way for a long time. He has integrity. Even Mitch McConnell had positive things to say. And Lindsay Graham- What a surprise! If it were not for the insurgents, I would not have been able to witness the Electoral College vote. It is usually not televised. 

January 7, 2021 (Thursday)

            It is clear that Trump and his supporters got what they wanted from the insurgency. It is clear that the insurgents were treated much better than the Black Lives Matter protesters. It is clear that nothing much will happen to sanction Trump or his supporters (and if some are charged, Trump will pardon him or her). Trump uses people- he has not even expressed regret that one of his thugs was killed and three other supporters died of medical emergencies while protesting.  He has used the failed insurgency as a way to solicit more money (as have other Republicans). The events are being used as ‘bragging rights’ and little concern is being expressed about the damage done to the Capitol Building and its contents. 

            It is somewhat reinforcing to see that a few commentators are speaking and writing the thoughts that I have been harboring for some time. On NPR, a Black male spoke about how different it would have been had Black Lives Matter protestors been the ones in Washington. The Capitol police would not have opened the doors for them, taken ‘selfies’ with them, or allowed them to damage the contents of the Capitol Building unimpeded. A few other people are noting the fund-raising and self-serving way that Republicans are acting- using their protest of the electoral vote as a tool for self-interest. 

            There were plenty of warnings about the assault. It was planned in the open on social media. Why people did not heed the warnings, I don’t know. Public safety is not my primary area of expertise. I am anticipating an assassination attempt before or at the inauguration. I don’t think anyone is paying attention to that possibility. Trump has ‘taunted’ Joe Biden about ‘hiding’ and not being out in public. He is trying to “flush out” the president-elect so he can be shot. 

            Trump is happy about the riots. He praised the rioters. His rhetoric is so dangerous that his accounts on FACEbook and Twitter were suspended (but probably not for long- the suspension appears to be a token and he will get these tools back very soon). 

January 8, 2021 (Friday)

            Well, I finally found someone a bit more extreme in their thinking than I. A Business Magazine has published that our international allies believe that Trump planned the coup attempt and had help from federal law enforcement. I find that hard to believe. When I examine why I find it hard to believe, I conclude that I would never do something to overthrow the government and therefore others would not. My reason for skepticism is hardly valid. 

            A Capitol police has died, bringing the death toll to five. Blood is on the hands of the president. Collin Powell says it never should have happened- the police knew it was coming. Colin Powell is disappointing. He thinks it will be “over” in 13 days and he fails to support Black Lives Matter. 

            I find it very irritating that commentators and others think it will be “over” after the inauguration. IT WON’T BE “OVER”! Trump will continue to try to destroy the country. He is desperate to create diversion from being charged with crimes. He needs to raise money as he has $400 million in loans due. 

            There are a few sensible responses. One man (one) has lost his job due to looting the Capitol. He was wearing his work name badge and was fired ‘for cause.’ Most of the criminals simply went back to their hotels and had dinner and drinks. Trump will likely pardon all the rioters if he is allowed to remain in office for the next 13 days. He also has the ability to start a nuclear war. 

            This is the 10th anniversary of the shooting of Gabby Giffords (and others including a child). She is being interviewed on television. Mark was recently elected into John McCain’s seat. Gabby is inspiring- she has “Hope, Hope, Hope” and lives with vim. 

January 9, 2021 (Saturday)

            I was glad to see Trump blocked from Twitter. I greatly fear an attempt on Biden’s life. Already there is talk of another “protest” in Washington. The police have not had time to regroup and with the resignations from the top the leadership is not there to prevent another coup attempt. If Trump can be impeached, he will lose benefits: he will lose Secret Service protection (for life), his pension from the government (around $200,000 per year), a million per year in travel money and other perks that former presidents retain. I wonder how many millions Trump will receive for books and speaking engagements and to start a “presidential library.” It is sickening. 

            Little to nothing is being done to provide consequences to the insurgents. If you are white and a “friend of Trump” little to nothing will happen no matter the level of criminal activity. Indeed, Trump bragged during his run for president that he could shoot someone in the street with no consequences. 

            We have another sad development. Erika informed us that Kevin is “nervous about COVID” and wants us to stay away from the farm and their house. This makes no sense as we will still care for the children (we have them today for most of the day). Kevin is also allowing his father to help at the Sugar Bush (and his father lives in Vermont and should not even be venturing across the border to New York). He is still associating with his brother and his brother’s family. So something else underlies this new agenda. We will cope, however, as always. As long as we can see the children, I don’t care that much about whether or not we see Kevin. Kevin has avoided us the whole time we have been up in New York. 

            The third sad thing is that Erika learned that her new kitten, Dew Drop, has feline leukemia. She has decided to keep the kitten anyway. So there will be extra expense and some risk to Angel, her long-term cat. 

            The Post Office is functioning poorly. Our bills are delivered late and we are on the phone trying to get rid of late fees. Our checks to pay the bills are arriving late and we are on the phone trying to get rid of late fees. We are receiving E-mail that we have failed to pay bills. One check I sent took 17 days to be delivered. At least two of my Christmas letters, mailed right after Thanksgiving, have not yet arrived. For one check that was not arriving, I had to pay $27 to send it overnight mail. If Joe Biden can’t fix the Post Office, we will need to find other ways to do business. 

            I check the evening news. It is absent of talk about how to manage the violence that I feel is coming. In the past, a single man with a gun has killed multiple children and adults in schools or theatres or other venues. So what is the potential of a mob that is heavily armed?  What is the potential for a mob that intends to kill and assassinate our president?  How will thousands of people be kept from the streets of Washington? How will insurgents be kept from State Capitols? There are rumors that states will also see violence on inauguration day. 

January 10, 2021 (Sunday)

            Finally someone from The Guardian says a few of my thoughts. 

“Former U. S. Homeland Security chief under president Bush, Michael Chertoff, was interviewed for an article in The Guardian: Chertoff said. “As we are now unfortunately aware, there are people who are prepared to engage in domestic terrorism. Unlike dealing with foreign terrorists who you can exclude from the country, in this case you don’t know whether your next door neighbor might be a threat.” 

            It is worth noting that The Guardian is a publication based in England- where are the American publications trying to help us prepare and face the danger?

            Phil and I are watching the morning news. There are showing the construction of the “7-foot” fence around the U. S. Capitol. It is simply being placed on the ground (not anchored or sunk into the ground). It is hooked together manually and can easily be unhooked. How pathetic. 

            Finally, finally the news is mentioning (but briefly) that rioters say they will be back “with their guns.” The inauguration is an event where the expected participants include three past presidents, all of the Supreme Court justices, most of the lawmakers, and others of importance. Trump will not be there (so he can’t be shot and killed or hurt and there is no deterrence to killing whoever is there-presumably persons who support Biden or who support democracy). 

            But the major news focus are reporting on ideas like how the insurgency is affecting our image world-wide, should Trump be impeached, how children can ‘understand’ what happened (as if it is all over), and the historical significance of all the antiques and statues that were smashed and desiccated.

            The blood that will be shed is on the hands of the ‘guns right’ contingent, on Trump, and on racism. I truly believe that racism is the major factor in play. The Republican Party is racist to the core. There is a subset of individuals who are super wealthy and who don’t want to share their wealth (especially not with people of color). An unknown number of these folks are racist. There are also the Evangelicals (who are mainly racist). They have abortion as a primary issue and in the past have been willing to kill abortion providers, have been willing to harass abortion providers and their families, and have been willing to terrorize women who are seeking abortions. They are very willing to use force to achieve their means (although in recent years they have used the courts to try to force their ideology). The Republican Party has existed to preserve the wealth of the wealthy, to promote the corporations and businesses that the wealthy own, and to appease some of the masses by adopting ‘guns rights’ and anti-abortion agenda and try to attract others with the idea of “low taxes” and few services (services are a way to share wealth). 

January 11, 2021 (Monday)

            The news yesterday was interesting. 

• A source commented that while Trump was watching the acts of the insurgency, he said he was unhappy that his supporters looked “low class.”
• A background check into some rioters indicates that some are lawyers, some are elected state representatives, and one is married to a medical doctor. They are not simply hillbillies. (How disturbing it is that these people protest that their actions were not wrong. Some can’t deny their actions as there is video and pictures of it. Instead they simply say, “I did nothing wrong.”)
• Some Republican lawmakers report they felt they had to vote against accepting the Electoral College results due to threats to harm or kill their families.
• One of the demonstrators that died during the insurgency had a ‘taser’, accidently ‘tased’ himself, and died of a heart attack.
• Roseanne Boyland, carrying a flag that said ‘Don’t Tred on Me’ was trampled to death by the mob.
• Video and posts to social media indicate that the mobsters were trying to find Mike Pence in order to hang him. A gallows and rope was set up in the capitol building for that purpose.
• Rioters smeared their feces on the capitol walls.
• Posts indicate that major players considered the day “a win.”
• Posts indicated complete excitement about “the impending war. We will come in numbers no standing army or police agency can match.”

            And, finally, something sensible happens. The D.C. Mayor has asked the Feds to cancel all Demonstration Permits between now and until after the inauguration. Let’s hope that is done. It will make it harder for rioters to assemble and especially to bring military weapons and overwhelm the police. 

            Yesterday I attended two virtual church services. Neither pastor made any mention of the events at the capitol. How bizarre- if there were another World War, would they ignore that, too? 

            Hillary Clinton made a rare response to political events. Her op-ed was well-written and thoughtful. She said that, similar to the conditions prior to 9/11, lawmakers did not believe the gravity of the threats. That is similar to our current situation. 

            I got a phone call this morning telling me that a friend and classmate had died in early November. Apparently, my Holiday Letter and note to him triggered the executor to call and let me know about his passing. So I have one more loss. It was not COVID-related, apparently. He had some sort of event such as a heart attack and fell down his basement stairway. He lived alone and was found some time later at the bottom of the steps. (I wonder how long he lay there. The executor was vague,) 

January 12, 2020 (Tuesday)

            I continue to read the biography of Ruth Bader Ginsburg (when I am not glued to the television screen or the computer screen trying to decipher the latest news). I find it interesting that she talked about the concept of “pin money” as the use of a woman’s wages. I encountered that concept indirectly in the James Madison University Psychology Department. My colleague met with the department head about raises for the following year. He told her that even though she had been cited as meritorious, she would not get a raise. Raises, he said were being awarded to men who had families to support, not women who were a ‘second income’ in their household. And that’s how things were in the 1970’s. 

            Finally the news is starting to talk about threats to the inauguration and threats to all 50 state capitols. But the discussion is so unrealistic. For example, a Texas lawmaker (cited as Briscoe Cain) said that the Texas legislature is safe “because numerous lawmakers carry firearms.” What is he thinking? How is a handgun going to stack up against an assault rifle or a machine gun? This whole discussion reminds me of a time when faculty at James Madison University were told that we might be expected to carry handguns in order to protect ourselves and the students. Yes, indeed, they say – if all sides are armed, we will be safer. Given that 10% or more of any population has mental health problems; given that an appreciable number of people can’t even keep track of their cell phones (much less a loaded weapon); given the training required to properly use a weapon; given the number of misperceptions in general; given how easy accidents with guns occur (such as people accidently shooting themselves in the foot or leg); given how easy it is to hurt someone and how hard it is to defend oneself (especially if one is concentrating upon doing a job rather than scanning the environment for threats)- given all that and more, how does arming everyone do anything more than contribute to the delusion that one is safe and invincible? It has been suggested that Trump supporters will simply kill all the armed police and then everyone else is fodder (at least that is what the Trump supporters are reported to be saying on their websites). The Trump supporters have threatened to kill all the police. And the Republicans are supposed to be the “party of Law and Order?” 

January 12, 2021 (Wednesday) 

            I am so impressed by the courage of the press. It is often so very dangerous to cover stories. Reporting the truth is also dangerous. Last night I listened to Frontline detail Roger Stone’s lies and conspiracy theories and his role in the election of Trump. The amount of energy needed to counteract one antisocial individual is almost beyond comprehension. 

            I still think we are coming up on bloodshed. I feel somewhat reassured that others now appear to understand and recognize that the insurgency is just the start. 

            Mike Pence will not remove Trump. His family is likely under threat. I suspect that Mike Pence has always been afraid. He has never stood up to Trump. He will go down in history as complicit (or worse). He is no leader. 

Thursday, January 14, 2021 (Thursday)

            Life is not going as well as it could be, even factoring in the pandemic. Today I have a great sense of unease and mild agitation. They have arrested a few of the “patriots” but that whole gig is moving way too slow. Some who have been arrested have been released on bond and are free to terrorize once again. 

            We heard last night that a friend is in intensive care. His wife has been expelled from the hospital after trying to advocate for better treatment by calling the patient advocate. He may be dying. Staff has not allowed us to talk to him either. It is very concerning.           

            NPR this morning said that some of the Republican senators did not vote for impeachment because, they said, their families had been threatened. It seems if that is the case, the lawmaker should disqualify and not vote at all. I am aware that some lawmakers are open to bribes (otherwise known as campaign contributions). After giving considerable money to a candidate, those who contributed expect something back for their support. Now in addition to seeking loyalty and votes because of money, apparently any number of lawmakers are willing to vote a certain way if their family is threatened. One more reason to better control guns is that the threat and the risk goes down. Meanwhile, we need to elect people who are less frightened and willing to vote their conscience rather than vote as the White Supremacists dictate. We are back to mob rule. To learn that some elected officials were pressured into giving the mob leaders a “tour” of the capitol prior to the insurgency so that the mob would know where to go to have the best chance of killing Nancy Pelosi- that’s pretty chilling. 

January 15, 2021 (Friday) 

            The media has finally caught up with some of my thoughts. Joe Biden’s rehearsal for the inauguration is cancelled due to security concerns. I think that they need to reschedule from an outdoor venue to somewhere safe. If security is effective, no one can view it well from outside anyway. 

            It is disgusting to watch some racist lawmakers try to appease the Black and minority population. One sent a letter to the Black members of his district saying he apologized for appearing that he wanted to disenfranchise their votes. In my pre-pandemic days, I would have shrugged and assumed that people were not so naïve and would “see through” such a tactic. Now I’m not so certain. 

            Apparently, whoever has the most money or the greatest number of guns is running the country. Why can’t we move to a system where candidates of any variety are given a modest amount of money to make their views known to voters, where some debates are held, and where the candidate is free to speak at events. Let’s limit those endless television ads (that are so obnoxious on both sides). Let’s have a system where threats are immediately reported to authorities and where people can question a lawmaker’s vote if there is an apparent threat. Let’s make voting easy and have people involved as much as possible in civic affairs. From the local water board to the White House, let’s do politics differently. 

            Although the start of today was problematic, the day improved! New York activated their website for COVID vaccine appointments. Our daughter got an appointment for herself (after a three-hour wait) and alerted us. We started working on it. The site kept “crashing.” We tried phoning in and they were not taking phone calls. Finally, after hours of trying, we got in and were able to schedule appointments. In January, no less! I’m not celebrating too much though. Trump lied about the amount of vaccine and it was announced today that there are no vaccine reserves to send to the states. Also, Virginia is our primary residence so there is a chance we could be refused on that basis. Obviously, I’m very worried about this, although I probably should not be. 

            The other piece of good news is that the NRA is filing for bankruptcy. New York State has brought allegations that $64 million has been misappropriated. Maybe this is the beginning of the end of undue influence on lawmakers  who (because of large campaign contributions) say they have to ‘vote with the NRA.’ The NRA has dominated and blocked effective responses to gun control. It is difficult to find any lawmaker who does not feel their influence. I feel hopeful that will change. 

            Our final piece of good news was a call from our friend who had been held in the hospital against his will. I had spent an hour on the phone with his wife discussing strategies she could employ to get him discharged or moved. I’m not certain what happened, but she was able to go to the hospital and take him home and they were calling to thank us. They called while we were dealing with trying to confirm our appointments for the vaccine so we could not talk to them for long and will need to call tomorrow. 

January 16, 2021 (Saturday) 

            We don’t have the girls today and the weather is bad. I will try to attend a ZOOM meeting at the church. Finally the response to the insurrection appears substantial. National Guard has been deployed to the capitol in significant numbers, it appears. 

            News stories are starting to report that numerous police and sheriff deputies were among those rioters within the capitol. They were fighting capitol police. As I have suspected, those with white supremacist beliefs have flocked to law enforcement as a way to persecute people of color and get away with their crimes. 

            I attended a ZOOM meeting for planning youth activities at the church. It was, perhaps, more efficient than some in-person meetings that I have attended. Then we did a training module for AARP. It was just this side of awful. The moderator was difficult to understand and spoke in a monotone. Because the topic was about scheduling and other dry, mundane topics, it was difficult to attend to it. Phil fell asleep at points. 

            We got some snow. The best part of the day was being outside snow blowing and digging out. I had a crowd at the bird feeder. The rest of the day was slow- showering; making dinner; doing some paperwork; watching television. 

            As usual, I stay glued to the news. The National Guard is being deployed to Washington. Some arrests continue. There is a trickle of companies who are withdrawing support for the senators and house representatives who voted not to certify the election results. Martin Luther King Day is approaching. Given the weather up here, I do not expect much in the way of armed protests at the New York 3State Capitol, but it remains to be seen. 

            I need to create a list of projects- I could work some more on Family History. There is some paperwork piled on the desk. I wish I could go walking but it is slippery out and I’m afraid of slipping.  

January 17, 2021 (Sunday) 

            I’m reading in my Audubon magazine about the devastation being caused by the parts of the ‘Trump Border Wall’ that were completed. The wall cuts animals off from mates and food and disrupts their usual movement patterns. While the effects long-term are not known for certain, nothing positive for the animals was noted in the article. 

            Well finally one church is talking about the insurgency. The Unitarian pastor will have a letter in the paper this week, along with other religious leaders. It is a relief that they plan to address the issues and not just pretend that all is well. 

            The Richmond church had a guest speaker about Martin Luther King, but nothing was said about the insurgency. In an event later in the day (on ZOOM) dubbed ‘Courageous Conversations’ the event was discussed. I was particularly alarmed by those who spoke of “forgiving” the insurgents and those who felt the insurgents were “just angry and fearful, like us.” First of all, forgiveness is granted to those who are repenting and who ask for forgiveness. Of all the news articles I have read (and I’ve read hundreds) only once was there a mention of a participant admitting guilt, expressing regret and sorrow for the pain and death, and asking for forgiveness. Every other participant dissociates from the negative consequences, said they had the ‘right’ to invade the capitol, and down-plays the damage. None expressed regret or asked for forgiveness. You can’t simply “pour” forgiveness on unrepentant people.

            As for the insurgents simply being angry people – no, that’s not how I view it. These individuals are ENTITLED they say to have the election and other policy THEIR WAY. They are angry that they are not getting what they decided that they are entitled to. That’s dissimilar to the anger that I feel. I’m angry that a criminal was allowed to be in the White House.  While I have not liked some our Republican leadership in the past (such as both the Bush presidents) I have not been angry about my candidate’s failure to prevail- only sad. I’m angry now because the system failed and Trump has stolen much from the country and tried deliberately to harm wildlife and the National Park system. 

January 18, 2021 (Monday- MLK Day)

            Today was a major disappointment. Last evening, our daughter Erika called and told us there were appointments for COVID vaccination available for those over age 65 at a nearby drug store. The drug stores were only vaccinating those over age 65. We went online and got appointments for 10:00. 

            When we arrived at the drug store, we were told that they were out of vaccine and we would need to be rescheduled. They rescheduled us. While we were waiting, I over-heard several conversations among employees about the lack of vaccine. One was that the doses were due to expire and they had called people and told them to come in on Sunday. Since we had not done the signup until Sunday evening, the employees were not even aware we were scheduled. Behind us, others started to file in and stand in line for their appointments. All had to be rescheduled. So we will need to wait another week. We also have appointments at the health department drive-through facility. We will go to those appointments before cancelling at the drug store. I hear on the news that there are considerable problems with the vaccine ‘rollout’ and I guess this is one. 

            As I understand it, the process of actually developing immunity is a long one. The first shot, after two weeks, will be approximately 50% effective. The second vaccination, after three weeks, will boost the immunity into 95+% (or something high, depending upon which vaccine one obtains). Therefore, travel should be delayed for at least five weeks after obtaining the first vaccine shot. Had we gotten the first shot today, we might have been able to travel towards the end of February. Now (assuming we can actually obtain the vaccine) it will be at least into mid-March before travel is an option. 

            I bet that Trump and his gang of followers are laughing at the time and expense being spent on the inauguration. So far there have been no “protesters” (armed or not) at the capitols. I imagine that the insurgents are similar to the teenage boys who used to call our school with a bomb threats just so that the school had to evacuate everyone and they could miss some time in school. Trump would be mortified if more people came for a Biden inauguration than came to his. The invasion of the capitol, undoubtedly, was to discourage people from attending the inauguration. 

            I’m noticing an ‘uptick’ in advertisements that contain minority (especially Black) actors. All of a sudden, it seems as though Black commentators, actors, singers, athletes, and officials are much more prominent in the media. I think this is good. There are also more documentaries on the long struggle that Blacks have had. There are more printed articles about discrimination. It appears that Trump’s actions have had a ‘back lash’ and Blacks are more present and presented in a more positive fashion than has been the case in the past. 

            The pandemic has not simply been a health event and a national crisis. It is also clearly a political entity. 

            I fell asleep early but woke to a PBS documentary on a white man, Daniels, who was a civil rights advocate and who was killed in cold blood in Alabama. Next is the 11:00 News. There is a study showing that police stop Black drivers significantly more often than they stop White drivers. (The “driving while Black” phenomenon.) The news also is reporting on proposals addressing inequities for Vermont. Next is the state of Washington DC is discussed as we are less than two days before inauguration. Trump and his call to “Make America White Again” are making a retreat to Florida. I wish it were an exit, but I suspect it is only a retreat. 

January 19, 2021 (Tuesday)

            I’m reading the Washington Post and found something that meets my thoughts: 

Hannah-Jones, the New York Times reporter whose “1619 Project” won a Pulitzer Prize in 2020, warns against this “instinct to move on” in the wake of the Jan. 6 insurrection. It “almost always comes at the expense of Black equality,” she said. “If we learn from what happened in Reconstruction, there has to be serious consequences and there has to be a serious effort to really show that we will not allow this type of violence to rule our politics in this country.”

Then she asks two really important questions. “What does reuniting with people who are willing to overthrow our democracy in the service of holding on to white power [look like]? … How does one then unify with them without actually being dismissive of the Black Americans whose votes are what caused all of this?” (from an opinion piece by Jonathan Copehart)

            Also, Last night on Steven Colbert, Cory Booker was a guest. I could not record his exact words but he spoke about how one of the most upsetting observations is that so many people are not disturbed by the lies that led to the insurgency on the capitol. Many “are comfortable with it.” 

January 20, 2021 (Wednesday- Inauguration Day) 

            It has been a day like no other. Joe Biden and Tamala Harris exceeded my expectations. They could not have been more perfect. There is reason to hope. 

January 21, 2021 (Thursday) 

            I had been worried. We usually keep Lily on Wednesdays and we switched to Thursday in case something ugly happened during the inauguration. Also, Lily likes our full attention and we wanted to watch the inauguration. It was a good day of painting coloring nails, making Valentines, playing games, going to dance class, and other fun activities. Lily is starting to name the birds that come to the feeder. She can identify and name cardinals, wood peckers, and Blue Jay. Pretty good for a three-year-old! 

            Erika got her first COVID vaccine. That takes a load off my mind. We are scheduled for Sunday and Monday. Erika got an e-mail saying that New York was almost out of vaccine and may deplete their supply by tomorrow. I greatly fear that once again, when we appear for our vaccine appointment, there will be no supply. 

January 22, 2021 (Friday)

            Today was a full day. In the morning we did shopping and errands. Then we picked up Julia at school. We made dinner for all and took dinner and Julia over to Erika’s home. 

January 23, 2021 (Saturday) 

            Today we kept Lily and Julia for the morning and part of the afternoon. I took them to the State Park where a ranger had organized a scavenger hunt. Although it was cold, we had a good time. At home I made lunch while the girls watched a video about Clifford, the Red Dog. Erika joined us later. 

            Even though New York has announced that they are “out” of vaccine, I have not gotten a cancelation for my COVID immunization. We will go tomorrow and see. I do not have any New York ID so I am worried that they won’t accept my Passport. I can’t imagine traveling during the pandemic or what the wait would be to get vaccinated in Virginia. I think Virginia is behind New York in vaccine distribution. 

            There is much talk and articles about Trump starting a “new” political party (the ‘Patriot” party). There is also much debate about how the Republican Party will continue. One western state (Wyoming maybe?) is threatening to withdraw from the United States. 

            I notice an article recommending the wearing of two masks simultaneously. 

January 24, 2021 (Sunday) 

            I did not sleep well last night. I am worried that I will get to the vaccine appointment and they will be depleted or I will be rejected. We attend our two church services. Then I started dinner. 

            We head to Erika’s house. Kevin has returned early from his snowmobile trip and he is giving the children rides in the back pasture. They are excited! 

            After a time, Erika drives me to the vaccination site. They accept my passport and don’t require proof of residency. What a relief! I get the best ever lady to administer my shot. I don’t even feel it. There is only a slight reaction – a bit of discomfort in my arm. I don’t cry but I feel a great relief. 

January 25, 2021 (Monday) 

            Erika comes this morning and takes Phil to the vaccination site. His time proceeds smoothly and they call shortly saying he has been vaccinated! 

            After we receive our second vaccination, I hope we can return to Richmond for a few weeks. We can get our hot tub delivered and set up. Hopefully the glass replacement windows for our sun room will also be ready. We can get our dentist appointment rescheduled. We can visit with our Richmond daughter and her family. 

            While the risks will be lower with the vaccine, little will change in our actions. We still will social distance. We still will watch church from the computer. We still will limit our trips outside the house. But the vaccinations give a certain peace of mind. 

January 26, 2021 (Tuesday) 

            Phil continues to have a headache from the vaccination. I have no symptoms what-so-ever. 

            Kevin has gone out-of-town on a business call. Erika drops off Lily so she can attend a virtual conference. Later in the evening we take both girls home and make dinner. We put the girls to bed and read them stories. Then we wait until 9:30 when Erika’s session ends before we head home. It is snowing and slick and cold.

January 27, 2021 (Wednesday) 

            Today we keep Lily and it is a delightful day. Erika is tied up with a conference workshop and we make dinner for her. Kevin is still out of town. He calls while we are still there. Things are not going well and he may be gone longer than planned. 

            On the way home, NPR is interviewing a family therapist. She talks about the toll on families when some members are Trump supporters and ‘anti-mask’ while others are not. This is the situation with some of my friends. They can’t see their relatives because it is not physically safe. They can’t even talk to them as relatives verbally abuse them. 

            My family does not currently have these problems. Growing up, my father was a racist (but I think my mother was not). My brother and I rejected my father’s stance. I never blamed my father for how he felt. I just regarded him as pathetic. He did not talk much about his beliefs. He died long before I had children, so I never needed to decide whether or not to allow my children contact with him

            The variants in COVID are distressing. It is not clear that the vaccination will be effective against the variants. 

            Politics continues to be ‘dicey.’ For a short time, Trump appeared to be ‘down and out’ but now the pendulum seems to be swinging back. Meanwhile, Biden is trying to get things done. The whole situation seems precarious. 

January 28, 2021 (Thursday) 

            Kevin is still away, meaning extra time caring for the girls. Erika is still at the week-long conference (online). Today is the dance lesson for the girls. It will be virtual as the teacher is feeling poorly. Lily does well with the lesson as she is the only one logged on. Julia joins in with her sister. When it is time for Julia’s class there are six children in person and three online. Julia has much trouble attending to the class. The teacher’s voice fades in and out as the teacher moves about the class. It is hard to hear. The teacher does make the effort to include the girls who are online and she keeps the class moving. However, Julia cannot pay attention. She ‘drops out’ early. 

January 29, 2021 (Friday)

            I spend time today proofreading this document in preparation of submitting it. I want to wait to determine whether or not I can be given the second dose of vaccine for COVID. That is supposed to happen on February 14th.

            We are trying once again to volunteer with the AARP Tax Center. The AARP in our area appears to be struggling with how to ‘roll out’ the service in a virtual format. It is expected that only a fraction of the poor and elderly residents who routinely rely upon the service will be able to negotiate the virtual format. Perhaps just as important, the volunteers (also older adults if those we met last year are an accurate sample) also appear befuddled. Excluding the actual tax preparers, most of the volunteers we met last year appeared unsophisticated. The ones we are doing ZOOM calls with appear to have many problems with technology. 

            Kevin is still away. We are grateful that we are here in New York to help. Erika drops Lily off at 3:30 and heads home to log into her conference sessions. We keep the girls and feed them supper. I have a once-a-month virtual  book club meeting so Phil takes the girls home. 

            It is extremely cold. We retrieve the extra space heater for the living room. I’m so glad that we invested in the insulated curtains. They make quite a difference. 

January 30, 2021 (Saturday) 

            We will be keeping the girls for part of the day while Erika is at the virtual conference. Last night they wanted to stay overnight, but Erika said she would be lonely without them. 

            We had a nice day. Julia helped me package treats for the vaccine workers and she made them a ‘thank you’ picture. My appointment is Valentine’s Day so I thought a treat might be nice. 

            Kevin made it home and he picked up the girls about 4:30. He looked a bit tired. A big storm is on the way. The birds have been flocking to the feeder. I enjoy watching them! 

January 31, 2021 (Sunday) 

            We attended our two churches virtually. When it this cold (below zero!) it is good to be able to stay home and still participate. 

            In the afternoon I wanted to go for a drive. We could not get the car started. We had not used it since Friday. Phil put it on the charger and eventually got it started but it was too late for adventuring. The afternoon was spent watching PBS instead. A baseball star, Hank Aaron has died and the stories detail his struggle with racism. He had death threats, experienced general nastiness, and even needed a police guard at some points to be able to play baseball. 

            It continues to be bitter cold as the storm moves in. 

February 1, 2021 (Monday)

            Phil calls the car dealership and gets an appointment for the car at 11:00. The battery is dead again. We will need to do some grocery shopping this evening as 6 to 12 inches of snow are predicted for tonight. It is still bitter cold. 

            I am delighted to receive an e-mail from my cousin John. He is willing to talk with me about family history. 

            We attend some training for the AARP about how to do the intakes for the tax program virtually. The system seems unduly complicated. Some of the people we served last year were marginally literate. This year these folks must obtain a computer. They will get over thirty pages of material to read and complete. We will help ‘walk through’ the process with them via phone. Then they will need to scan and send all the documents for the tax preparers. I have my doubts about how this will work. 

            I’m watching a PBS show entitled ‘Nine to Five’ about working women, mainly secretaries. The documentary examines the “9 to 5” working women. The concept was that secretaries were meant to take care of bosses and cater to all their needs both personal and professional. The documentary dealt with the sexual abuse from bosses. (About half of all working women had quit a job due to sexual harassment or been fired for refusal of sexual advances by a boss.) It discusses the low pay. It documents the lack of respect- “We are referred to as girls until the day we retire without pensions.” Some of the issues were symbolic such as refusal to make coffee. Working Women groups sprung up all over the nation. Then Jane Fonda met with them and made a movie. And Dolly Parton got involved…. 

            In 1985 the 9 to 5 activists turned to labor unions to promote their cause. But president Regan had just broken the back of the union of air traffic controllers……

February 2, 2021 (Tuesday)

            Today we get 16 inches of snow. We spend a portion of the day digging and snow blowing. The birds are hungry and are visiting the feeder in droves. The propane company comes and refills our tank. 

            I spend most of the day writing up family history. We have a call scheduled with Phil’s cousins on Friday. I don’t feel much like cooking so I make French toast and bacon for dinner. 

February 3, 2021 (Wednesday)

            Today there is no school and Erika drops off Lily and Julia on her way to the university. We have an absolutely great day. The only disappointment is that the library is closed and Wednesday is our usual library day. We do craft projects, play outside in the snow, watch a video, do puzzles, and give each other hairdos. 

            There is an interesting article (first-person account) in the Washington Post today written by a woman about the subtle discrimination towards women that she began to notice after she lost her husband and became a single parent. She discussed experiences such as disbelief that her child was on her health policy (rather than on her father’s). Women have suffered the most during the pandemic, especially single mothers.

February 4, 2021 (Thursday)

            Today school is back in session. We won’t get to see Julia however as she has a dentist appointment right after school and Erika will take her. She will also have a checkup, as will Lily. I am using the ‘day off’ to do wash. I like to have my clothes air dry so I put them in the dryer on tumble to remove the wrinkles, and then hang everything to dry. In the winter when things can’t be hung outside our small house gets crowded, so I like to do wash when the girls aren’t here. 

            We may go to the library since it was closed yesterday. It is 10 more days until our second vaccinations. 

February 5, 2021 (Friday)

            Today was exciting. We set up a ZOOM meeting with Phil’s cousins in order to discuss family history. I had never met his cousin Alan and had only a few contacts with his other cousins, Dale and Jane. We talked for two hours! It was quite a wonderful time. Without ZOOM and the pandemic, we probably would not have all met. Everyone wanted to have this get-together on a regular basis from now on- we shall see. However, even if we meet only a very few times in the future, it is a joy we would not have known otherwise. 

            I read an article in the Washington Post about how virtual meetings have changed a woman’s relationship with her father. She lives far away from him and visits have complications with him feeling he has to ‘entertain’. During virtual visits, her father been willing to talk more about his feelings and they look at pictures together, something they never did before. Having several ways to relate to loved ones is important, I think! 

February 6, 2021 (Saturday)

            Lily and Julia spent the night last night. Today we went to the Point Au Roche State Park for a Valentine scavenger hunt and we went to the library since the library was closed last Wednesday due to weather. He girls had a good time. Erika is considering activities for them. While Lily loves her dance class, Julia is less enthusiastic. Erika is considering Irish Dance lessons. Julia loves skating but lessons are not feasible right now with the pandemic. 

            Julia has decided to “learn cursive” and she is practicing. Her interests are usual. She saw a peace symbol and wanted to know about the Vietnam War. She wanted to know if I had ever worn a peace symbol. 

            The library had just gotten in Barack Obama’s autobiography, A Promised Land. Obama was on Steven Colbert the other night promoting his book so I decided to check it out. I have been avoiding reading books about men or written by men, but this one is a good exception. 

February 7, 2021 (Sunday)

            Super Bowl Sunday- I have never watched football. It was a good day to watch something else. 

February 8, 2021 (Monday)

            A friend called today. It is always nice to talk to friend. She is trying to decide whether or not to return to work. We discussed the possibility of waiting until she is vaccinated, since she works in food service at a local college. She can manage without the income, but life is easier if she is working. This sort of dilemma is being faced all over the country. 

            Erika asked me to check with the accountant who has been helping with the grandchildren trust funds. I sent him some questions and learned that his mother died from COVID late in January (about 10 days ago). She becomes another victim that touches our family. COVID-19 is devastating!    

February 9, 2021 (Tuesday) 

            I attended an online seminar about counting backyard birds. I learned about some resources (online) for children from Audubon. We are looking for resources for Julia such as art classes or engineering classes.          After Julia finished her homework, we looked at some of the sites. They actually are quite good, particularly since one can stop the video until the child “catches up” to the drawing. Julia practiced drawing a bird, a unicorn, a snake, the ‘Roadrunner’ and some others. The instructor draws the subject while teaching a child and talking to the virtual audience. Very impressive! 

February 10, 2021 (Wednesday)

            Lily comes today and it is library day. I have lined up some online stories and activities for her. She also needs to make Valentines for her classmates and we have materials for homemade ones. Yesterday Julia made hers and they are ready to label. 

            The impeachment trial for Trump started yesterday. I, for one, am grateful that Democrats are pursuing impeachment. I think it will be good documentation for history regardless of the outcome. 

February 11, 2021 (Thursday)

            I have been reading some historical fiction on women by Marie Benedict. How difficult life was for women just 100 years ago! I’m reading about Clementine, wife of Winston Churchill. I wonder why I have never heard of her before. As a child I was fascinated by Winston Churchill and I read a hefty book on him. I read it several times. I recall many details about Winston but I don’t recall anything about his wife (although she must have been mentioned at least). We need more books for young readers about women- not only the few famous ones like Clara Barton, but also more ordinary ones. Perhaps a book of short stories about many different women would be a hit. 

February 12, 2021 (Friday)

            Erika had her second COVID-19 shot yesterday and today she has a fairly pronounced reaction. When she picks up Julia, she outlines some plans. My shot is set for Sunday evening and Phil’s is scheduled for Monday morning. She says that Kevin will take off work on Monday and take the girls skiing so that Phil and I have space and time to recover. 

            Today Trump’s lawyers present their ‘case.’ What no one has addressed is the threats to the Republican lawmakers. I have read that some lawmakers (and their families) have been threatened to make certain that they vote against impeachment. Why is there little published on this subject?

            I also read an article about Black citizens who remained enslaved until the 1960’s. One can argue that some remain enslaved even now due to limited education and blocked opportunities. Can the Ku Klux Klan and white supremacists be overcome? I wonder. 

            Julia noticed my book on Lady Clementine and asked me what it was about. I mention that she was married to Winston Churchill. She asked what Churchill did. I struggled to figure out what to tell her. 

February 13, 2021 (Saturday)

            Today was packed. In the morning I attended a virtual training on how to register people for COVI-19 vaccination appointments in Virginia. I waited all afternoon for the e-mail with the people I am to call. Finally at 5:00 it came. The spreadsheet was a disaster. We have an older version of the program and one has to pay $100/year to use the newer program. Phil finally got it open. With little time left in the day, I was able to contact 10 people and get appointments for six. Two phone numbers did not work, one person did not pick up the phone, one person said the ice storm had knocked out the electric power and wanted me to call back, one had gotten the vaccine elsewhere, and one had gotten scheduled by another caller.  I have five follow-ups to do. People were grateful, however, and they are scheduled for February 19th. 

            The impeachment trial was also a feature today. The result is not unexpected. I think I shall write a thank you to the seven brave Republicans who voted to impeach. I will do what I can to defeat the Senators who remained loyal to Trump. What a sad day for our nation! At least the crime is well-documented. 

            I finished the book on Lady Churchill. I am so impressed by the differences in how time is used and expressed. No one has time these days for month-long trips. Even the pace of war seemed so much slower than the way we experience time now. 

            Tomorrow we have the children all day. My second vaccine appointment is also tomorrow. We made Valentine treat bags for the workers. 

February 14, 2021 (Sunday)

            It felt a bit weird to be keeping the children on a Sunday and to miss church. I found a time to make calls about scheduling vaccine appointments while they watched a video and I reached all but one of my list of people to schedule for vaccination appointments. 

            We ordered pizza and wings for dinner, as that is a meal that our son-in-law likes. Erika took me to get my second vaccination.  It took longer than the first appointment. I was very relieved to finally get the second shot, although I’m feeling uncertain about how effective it may be. 

February 15, 2021 (Monday) 

            Phil got his vaccine this morning. I feel more relief at getting him vaccinated as I think of him as more vulnerable. They are cancelling vaccination appointments ahead of the massive storm that is approaching. I am so grateful- we are so fortunate to have gotten both shots of the vaccine- less than 10% of the population has received both shots. We are in that 10%. 

            I was able to reach the last person on my list to schedule for a COVID-19 vaccination appointment. When we return to Virginia, I will volunteer at the vaccination clinics. While I’m not qualified to give shots, I can help with paperwork and computer entry. 

            Anticipating that we can leave New York in two weeks, I scheduled Phil and myself for dental cleaning appointments in Richmond. I got Phil to call to schedule for a podiatrist appointment. He confirmed his appointment with the urology clinic. We contacted the hot tub people and also the man who sold us the replacement windows for the sun room that need to be installed. We plan to be in Richmond for only about 6 to 8 weeks, so we have to be efficient about getting things done. 

            Erika had arranged for Kevin to take the children skiing so we could rest after the vaccination. She had a bad reaction and thought we might. I’ve been fine. Phil has a slight headache. Julia is off school all this week and we plan to watch her. 

            A massive storm is moving in. It has passed through Richmond and our Richmond house has been without electricity now for two days. Kristine made it down today and is setting the faucets so that they are on a slow drip. Hopefully that will prevent the pipes from freezing. 

            We did some shopping ahead of the storm. We had to go two places and still did not get everything on our list. The shortages during the pandemic have been frustrating. I did happen to be walking by the children’s clothing at Wal-Mart when an associate arrived with a rack of new clothes. Among what she was placing on racks were Irish dancing outfits. I immediately grabbed two for the girls- they will love them and they can be a St. Patrick’s Day gift. I also found an attractive dress for each of them for an Easter present. I will make up a gift bag for each girl for both St. Patrick’s and for Easter. They will enjoy opening some ‘treats.’ 

Concluding Thoughts

            What started as a journal to document the effects of a pandemic has embraced so much more. While the pandemic raged, so many other challenges presented themselves. Make no mistake, life will never “return to normal” (and people should stop saying that). 

            I’m listening to a study about the negative effects on school children. It may take years before children begin to recover. Others, like my grandchildren, may have few effects as they have been sheltered by well-resourced families. 

            When the National Women’s History Museum asked for people to participate in this project, I imagine that they wanted to examine the effects of the pandemic on people’s daily life. Well, the pandemic has had a pretty amazing course. Not only has it isolated us and taken many people and disabled others (perhaps permanently), it also has sparked peaceful protests (by Black Lives Matter) and insurgency. More effects than anyone could have foreseen. Will it move people forward on eliminating racism? I never realized how ugly the history of racism is. I’m still learning. We have been in danger of being overtaken by a dictator. Will democracy survive in any recognizable form? 

            There are so many things I likely will never do again. I can’t picture myself ever going to a food bar again. The idea of unknown people preparing my food and the idea of others breathing on my food is repulsive. I am likely to rarely eat again in restaurants. Even to do take-out. So many people I contacted as a Contact Tracer were in the food industry!  I may never again attend a church service. Events such as concerts, in-person lectures, gatherings, shopping in a crowded mall, traveling by airplane or public transport (even a taxi) give me the creeps. I may never watch another ballet in person. Even the idea of going to grandchildren’s school events gives me pause. I’ve never been on a cruise and I never will go on one. I will continue outdoor events. 

            Will we ever have overnight guests again? Or even dinner guests? Will I ever be comfortable going to a party or social event at a friend’s home? Will we ever be able to take that train trip through Canada? I know I will need to concentrate on what I still CAN do- rather like if I had experienced a stroke. I will be grateful for what is left and for what is evolving as we create new ways to experience the world. 

            The pandemic has opened my eyes. I have lived most of my life in the fantasy that the majority of those who live in “my” country (and perhaps Europe and Canada) are “good” people with values similar to mine. Sadly, the pandemic revealed my belief to be a hope or a fantasy- not a reality. I have believed that progress was being made and that I was a part of it. I do think that that I changed lives and had a potent effect on individual children, families, and students. I know I made many positive changes in the field of child welfare. However, I’m no longer feeling that the efforts by me and others have changed even my corner of the world in a lasting fashion. The only hope is that we have encouraged and trained youth to pick up the causes and move forward. “It is a long fight with a short stick- forever and ever.” 

            I now regard the world differently. There is at least a 50% chance that any person I meet is, for one reason or other, dangerous. They may support unfettered gun use (even as children and innocent adults are killed and maimed). They may seek to force women to have children that will not be loved or fed or cared for. They may support male dominance and control. Or they are racist and support police violence, forced sterilization of minorities, closed borders, and limited medical care for the masses. They support domination of women and excuse or allow sexual victimization. They want to limit people’s right to vote and make voting difficult for those who are poor and disenfranchised. They may be willing to overthrow the government. They will try to assassinate abortion providers, elected officials, and anyone who disagrees with them. Even those who are poor, who are women, or who are members of a minority group may endorse positions that cause them harm as they disengage from identifying with others in similar situations. I especially find evangelical “Christians” distasteful as they are hypocrites. Similar to their leader (Trump), they simply say, “I am not racist” as they enact racist policy or say “I am for family values” as they endorse policy that keeps families poor and unable to function. 

            I used to think I had something in common with everyone. I now question that assumption. I know I should not feel this way. I know I am likely wrong. Feelings, however, have a life of their own. I will be interested to see what I do with my new perspective. I’m grateful that it is late in my life and I don’t carry this perspective throughout my career. 

            I should end on a hopeful note. I think that, with enough work, with some luck, and over time, humans learn. Even with major upheaval, once a concept is thought and enough people embrace it, positive change can occur. I have seen the Berlin Wall come down. People are re-creating natural animal corridors. 

            We have to deal with each other because isolationism is no longer an option (even in a pandemic). The world has become smaller and our grasp longer. We need to learn new ways to hold each other accountable and we need to learn additional ways to help and support each other.