2020 Journal (Stay in the Race & Keep Fighting)

Dominique Carson
National Women's History Museum

             2020 Journal (Stay in the Race & Keep Fighting) 

Before Covid-19
January 1, 2020-
        It was the first day of 2020. I was blissful because this was the year I was turning thirty. I reflected on what I have been through, good and evil, and I was just so grateful to God. Although Papa and I were still enjoying the next phase of our relationship: engagement, my sales, and performance boosted at Bliss Spa, and my hermana/friend, Belle's home was a place that allowed me to pick up the pieces in my life. I survived the first quarter of turning twenty-nine, and I knew everything would land on my fingertips as long as I kept moving forward. I was embracing the new year and especially everything I'd endured two years earlier. I felt like I was going through a metamorphosis. I graduated from massage school, engaged for almost 15 months, worked at one of the best spas in New York City, and had my apartment. My basement apartment was the size of the Nike sneaker, but it was MY home. It was a place to call my own, and Marito had a place he could visit when he wanted to take some time from being on the road. He was a cross-country truck driver, and driving state to state can take a toll on the body. I believed 2020 was the year I was getting my feet wet, and I was still in disbelief that my 30th birthday would be in 2020.
January 13, 2020-
     I rode the NYC transit bus, thinking about the stigmas associated with East New York, Brooklyn, or the inner city. I listened to R&B songstress Monica's song, "Still Standing," one of my favorite records from the Atlanta native. Yes, I love the song's message, but her cousin, rapper/Ludacris, says an impeccable line that left me very emotional about my life. He said, "This is not a façade. I'm still standing on my two feet because I am a child of God." I was just grateful to have my ears so I could hear, my eyes to see, and just be in the right frame of mind. I told myself, "God has truly me, and I just want to honor Him with everything in my might." Since I am from the inner city, East New York, Brooklyn, New York to be exact, people can easily judge you based on your zip code. I knew at an early age. I had to decide that I didn't want to be another statistic, meaning I did not wish to multiple children out of wedlock, figure out who my children's father is, rely on a substance to get through the day, or mutilate my body to attract men. I am not judging because I can understand how and why a person can go down the road. I just wanted more for myself, and I knew I did not have to be affiliated with the typical stereotypes or drawbacks of being a resident from East New York, Brooklyn. This was a proud moment, and I knew it was my responsibility to demand the life that I wanted and remain unapologetic.

January 15, 2020-
     It was a little over a week after my surgery. I had a hysteroscopy to remove my IUD, Mirena, surgically. A few months earlier, I visited my gynecologist, and he tried to pull my IUD by hand, but it was unsuccessful. I had the surgery for the first time back in 2019 and my sister/friend, Millie, met me at the hospital. Millie was a nurse at the hospital, and she was so supportive before and after the procedure. Despite Dr. Henry's best effort, he could not remove the contraceptive. One of my uterine fibroids blocked the IUD, but I took a leap of faith and asked Dr. Henry to try again in January. He referred me to one of his colleagues specializing in uterine fibroids and hysteroscopies. On January 6, my sister/friend, Sabine, went with me to New York-Presbyterian Hospital, and we prayed before I stepped foot in the surgical room. I love Bine to death; she is my sister and my prayer warrior. Once again, I went into anesthesia, and thankfully, the doctors were able to remove the IUD. I was praising God and was ready to recover. After the surgery, Bine and I ate at a pizzeria and took the train back to Mill Basin since it was still early. And so, for the next few days, I rested at home and performed fewer massages so my uterus could heal properly. Dr. Henry said I could return to work within two to three days, but I have to take it easy and do not overwork myself. I followed the doctor's orders and was ready to get back to regular programming. 
January 16, 2020-
   Things went well at work, and the surgery and I treated myself to the Bad Boys III movie. I did not have a problem going to the movies by myself. I have been going on dates by myself since I was in my early 20's. I like to call it "my free time," and I can take a break from the outside world for a second. The Bad Boys trilogy is one of my favorite action/comedy movies of all time. Everyone was anticipating part III since the first two movies are good. Martin and Will are such a dynamic duo in three films. Bad Boy III was good and did well at the box office, but, in my opinion, the first Bad Boy is the best.
January 21, 2020-
   I followed doctor orders, and Bliss' concierge reopened my schedule to the original time before the surgery. I was relieved and saw some of my regulars and new clients. I massaged quite a few clients, but I started brainstorming ideas for my book during my downtime. Unfortunately, I was still experiencing copyright issues with my previous book, so I shelved it until the problems were resolved. Once everything is sorted, people will be intrigued about the female artist I wrote about; she is legendary. But. I was so motivated to write another book, so I started the research process for the Jon B book. I wanted to write about another artist who does not have enough recognition in the R&B industry. They may not be the megastar but played a significant role in soul music. And Jon B came to mind. He broke racial barriers and was determined to have a successful career in soul music. I knew writing about Jon B would allow me to step outside of the box as an author, and I was ready to complete the task.
January 26, 2020- 
    I was reporting to work at Bliss Spa when one of the concierge members told me that NBA legend and Academy Award winner Kobe Bryant, his daughter, Gigi, and other seven passengers passed away on a helicopter ride. At first, I thought it was a hoax because media correspondents can write cruel and malicious things about celebrities. But when credible news sources reported the news on their platforms, I knew it was true. For the remainder of the day, I was stunned. I didn't want to accept the fact that Kobe had passed away. I became a fan of Kobe when he made a guest appearance on the 90's iconic teen sitcom, Moesha. He did not want to play the dim-witted athlete on the show, which was a plus for many viewers. He showed viewers that athletes are intelligent and do not have to bribe anybody to pass the SATs. Kobe was such a pivotal figure in sports and entertainment in the 90s and mid-2000s. He was the spokesperson for Sprite and received five NBA Championship rings with Shaq. 
It was just a huge loss for fans, and the West Coast and Los Angeles would never be the same.

January 28, 2020- 
  Brooklyn College colleague Kevin Anglade and his partner, Mark Pruden, launched my episode on their podcast, "The Wise Guys,' and I was their first featured guest. A few years earlier at BC, I met Kevin and me when I was a graduate student. Magner Center, the career services office at the college, asked to talk about the importance of interning as a student and the Magner Center internship stipend award. Kevin and I were recipients of the Magner Center stipend award based on academic achievement, and most internships were unpaid or low-paying. We always respected each other craftsmanship, and I was able to share my story on his platform. I was excited because I was the first female guest. I shared my experiences and lessons as a massage therapist, journalist, college graduate, and individual for nearly two hours. We also discussed the financial challenges as a college student, career transitions, navigating life as a millennial, and student loan debt. We recorded the show two weeks earlier, and now it was presented center stage on Apple, YouTube, Spotify, and Anchor.
February 20, 2020- 
     As massage therapists, we received a raise from Bliss, and now I had a new commission rate for 50, 60-, 75-, 90-, and 120-minute massages. The commission rate was based on an employer's performance and selling Bliss products or add-ons. After the raise was announced and I received a $90 cash tip from a 2- hour massage, I paid for my driving classes. I knew if I was going to be with Jeff for the long haul, I knew I needed to drive. Jeff made it very clear that I was not moving back to New York, and I needed to go if I planned to move out of state. I completed my first driving lesson in years in Brooklyn. I was highly strung when I first stepped on the wheel; I was still haunted by the fact that I crashed my mother's car when I was 19. Usually, when someone gets into an accident, they are considered their livelihood. Instead, I was primarily thinking about my mother's reaction, which was not a good sign. I was beginning to accept that I would not drive because of the crash, but it was time for me to move beyond my fear.  
Beginning Stages of Covid-19 
March 15, 2020- 
    Within three weeks after my raise, spas and other recreational centers were forced to shut down due to the spread of Covid-19. Before the spread of the Covid-19 virus spiraled out of control and the dismissal, people were still reporting to work but were skeptical about the effects of the virus. As a result, the Bliss hours were cut short, and employees said to work much later. We also weren't' notified about our schedules the night before, which was unusual. Covid-19 left NYC fearsome and unsure about their safety since massage therapy requires direct contact with clients. It was a tough down because massage therapy was our bread and butter. I reported to work today, but once the shutdown was announced, I finished my client and headed to the locker room. Once the decision was finalized from the city, I was on my way to visit Marito at an Airbnb located on 34th Street Herald Square. We stayed in various Airbnb when he was over the road from trucking, but this was our least favorite. It was so small, and it was not our cup of tea; we were used to spacious apartments in Brooklyn. However, I was just thankful that my baby blocked two weeks out of his work schedule to come to NY to see me despite the current state of the world. I arrived at the apartment and Marito (Jeff) and gazed into each other eyes with a flirty spare. We haven't seen each other in a while since he was a cross-country truck driver. It was always a treat when my Marito was over the road. But, as I was unpacking my traveler's bag, I realized I had left my engagement ring in the locker. I was like, "No," because it was too late for a visit to take a train ride back to the spa. It was closed due to the shutdown. I had to wait until the shutdown was lifted to get the ring back and spend quality time with Marito.
March 16, 2020-
    Sam and Tashauna sent an email stating we would have a team meeting about the future of the spa and compensation. We knew we would receive a check but were unsure about upcoming checks since we were not allowed to work at a spa for a certain amount of time. The conference call began at 3 pm, and Sam informed staff members when they would receive their last checks, receive paid sick time, and encouraged us to apply for unemployment. Unemployment will review our income from the spa and previous jobs to decide our weekly rate. Unfortunately, he couldn't provide the opening date for the spa since it was up to the NYC government to make the final decision. We knew unemployment would be a hassle because millions of people were laid off due to Covid-19. Prayerfully, the Covid-19 shut down would end in a few weeks so we could get back to work. But as time went on, news reporters stated that the shutdown could last for months, especially for those who work at spas, gyms, beauty salons, or the hospitality industry. It was not the ideal news for us, but we had to face reality and begin the process of unemployment. I started making calls to unemployment nonstop after our conference call but no answer. And that's when I knew contacting unemployment would be a hassle because they would be busy than usual.
March 25, 2020- 
    After a week and a half of staying at the Airbnb, we decided to end our Airbnb due to the apartment's upkeep and the carefree attitude from the host. Marito and I also decided that we needed to be in one state, and Jeff stated that it was time for me to move to Virginia with him. After Covid-19 and the shutdown of my industry, I followed his lead and trusted his judgment. I had the certification to massage clients out of New York State. I passed the MBLEX before Covid-19, and I am so grateful that I completed the exam before the pandemic. I had one reservation, "How was I supposed to get around, as far as transportation-wise because there are no trains or buses in that state?" Marito replied, "Don't worry about it. I will make sure you take Lyft to get you to point A and to point B. Right now, I am just concerned about the earliest time that we can get you to Virginia. It was not an easy decision because New York City is my hometown. I am a city girl in the spirit, but it was time for a change, and I got to embark on a new journey with the love of my life. I realized the move to Virginia was a smart move financially because the cost of living is cheaper, and I knew it would be a while before I received my unemployment check.
April 6, 2020- 
     A few days after, we checked out of the Airbnb apartment in Manhattan, and I had a conversation with my landlord about my move to Virginia. At first, Arlene suggested I use my security deposit to cover my rent for May, and I gladly declined. Since the rent was month to month and I was leaving mid-April, she only charged for two weeks' worth and said she would give me my security deposit on the 18th. It was also the day that I received a refund check from the driving school I enrolled in due to the shutdown. Bliss Spa gave my last sick day check, and I was still getting the run around from unemployment. I applied for the USPS jobs in Virginia since I didn't know when to return to work as a massage practitioner. Bills do not pay for themselves! I also applied for my massage license in Virginia since I had the MBLEX certification, so I began working as a massage therapist when spas and other facilities resumed after the pandemic. I wanted to show Marito that I am a team player and would do whatever it takes to provide since we are coming together as one. It was not required from Marito, but I just wanted to show him that I got his back and swallowed my pride. 

April 14, 2020-
   
 I packed my final belongings to move to Virginia, and two Ukrainian guys arrived to load the truck. Jeff already paid for my moving expenses and informed me that he would be in New York two days before my move-out date. I contacted unemployment through the Governor's office, and after 300+ phone calls, I was approved for my unemployment. Yes, finally! I praised God, and my first check in the mail will arrive a week from today. I also emailed Bliss management that I am not returning to the spa once it reopens because I moved to Virginia. The email was bittersweet, but I closed the New York chapter and embraced a new one. I already my family and friends about the move except for my immediate family. Our relationship was estranged for 1.5 yr., and I did not find the courage to have a heart-to-heart conversation. It would be another 13 months before we can have a chat and sort out our issues. 
April 16, 2020- 
  
 I knew I could not bring all of my artifacts to the apartment since Jeff and I are moving in together now. So, after 16.5 years, I donated my hip-hop paintings to the Universal Hip-Hop Museum in the Bronx. An employee from the museum traveled to Brooklyn to pick up the images, and he was grateful. The museum was still in the beginning stages, and the opening date was delayed due to the Covid-19 pandemic. I have had these paintings since I was 12 years old, and I was a fan of hip-hop and the culture, especially artists from the 90s. They were more of my generation and appreciated their delivery and lyrics in the music. The paintings were my Christmas present from my parents. I bugged her for three months about these paintings because from 1999-2002, and we lost so many iconic legends in hip-hop: Freaky Tah, Big Pun, Aaliyah, Left-Eye, and Jam Master Jay. Freaky Tah was from Lost Boyz, and I was a die heart fan of the rap quartet, so these paintings were ideal for me to have in my room. I said my final farewell to those paintings. During a melancholy time, I gave back to the NYC community. I hope a child or preteen would understand the importance of hip-hop culture. I also signed my contract with my former high school classmate and illustrator, Stephen Davis, to design my Jon B book. The agreement states when payments are due for the design and how many revisions were included for the book. Within the next few months, Stephen would email rough sketches of the Jon B book to seek my approval.
                                       
                                       Move to Norfolk, VA
April 18, 2020-
     It was moving day, and Marito arrived in New York a few hours earlier. We gathered all of our belongings on a Saturday morning. We slept in my basement apartment in Mill Basin for one last time. It was time to put the final touches on since we moved to Virginia. The Covid-19 pandemic was early, but the move was crucial for our relationship. Jeff and I were long-distance for over two years, and the pandemic prompted him to move to the next level by moving in together. My Pops used to me, "You do not know a person until you move in with them," and I was about to find out. Jeff hired a private moving company to transport my belongings to Norfolk and dropped them off at the Norfolk apartment. We removed the last specks around the condo, and Arlene did her final inspection. Arlene was impressed with the cleanliness of the apartment and gave me my security deposit and the remaining half of April's rent. Jeff and I said our final goodbyes, and we were off to our next destination.
My move was bittersweet for her because I was a reliable tenant who paid rent on time. Jeff's mother, Delsie, also lived ten minutes away from the time, and he decided to see his mother before we departed from New York City. Their relationship was at odds for quite some time, and they needed to get words off each other chests. I felt it was my duty to stand by my fiancé as he completed this phase of his life. When Marito saw his mother, she was pleased to see him. It was so surreal because she hadn't seen her eldest son for a long time. She made her infamous Vanilla Bean cheesecake and ground turkey lasagna, and trust me. Our bellies were full. We had a great meal in our stomachs, and we were ready to get on the road to Virginia for the next seven hours. Marito rented a car and embarked on our road trip to Virginia. It was a partly cloudy day, but our interaction with each other made the ride more joyful. We played our tunes as we continued to drive to Virginia. We arrived in Virginia around 6:30 pm and welcomed our new apartment until we saw our moving boxes. We told our friends and family that we had arrived in Virginia safely.
The boxes were wet, ripped, damaged, and half of our items were missing. I was like, "Are you kidding me? This is unbelievable," and asked Jeff what went wrong with the delivery. It was the weekend, but I was determined to reach out to Soft Touch Van Lines owner because Marito paid $1,550 to have my belongings arrive at Virginia on time. And in the end, the movers were nonchalant with our items. I do not understand why this company is listed as a proficient company for long-distance moves but excuse my French. They did a s***** job. I was devastated, and Marito apologized because this was not the ideal move he had in mind for us. To keep our spirits up, we went to see Dear (Marito's grandmother) for a home-cooked meal and play spades. I strive to block out our unpleasant move to Virginia, but it was in the back of my mind to send an email to the company.
April 19, 2020-  
      Jeff wasn't a local truck driver just yet, so I made sure it was in an orderly fashion. Finally, I was ready to clean the apartment and make it our own. I played my Classic R&B jams as I washed every section of the house. There wasn't much I couldn't do as far as Soft Touch Van Lines because it was a Sunday and most customer service offices were closed. However, I sent an email stating the movers were four days late, and when they finally came, bins were broken, the ladder was bent, the massage bag was ripped, detergent spilled all over Tupperware, and items were missing. First, Jeff and I did not have all our undergarments, artifacts, and books. Next, there was an African wooden carved stick that was my grandfather before he passed, and it had so much sentimental value. Yes, it was my tool just in case the invader arrived at the apartment, but it was one of my grandfather's few physical pieces. I had to take a breath and realize it could've been worth it and had to see the beauty behind the situation. Jeff was so gregarious when he paid for my moving expenses and most of all. We were living together after 2.5 years of long-distance and a year and a half into our engagement.

April 20, 2020- 
    I was on top of Soft Touch Van Lines and asked us to claim their system. The office manager said it could take approximately two to four weeks to process the claim. In the meantime, I needed to replace our undergarments. I used some of the remaining money from my security deposit and rent refund to purchase items for the house, undergarments, stay on top of utilities, groceries, and other miscellaneous items. Jeff also put in his two weeks at TMC and decided to be a local driver. He was ready locally to be closer to me and enjoyed the fact that he could come home to a hot meal and sleep in a warm bed more frequently. I was also looking for freelance opportunities or remote positions so I could myself busy completing my research on the Jon B book. I figured I could also sharpen my cooking within the next few months since I would be home more frequently.

April 21, 2020-
 
 I received my first unemployment check from the Department of Labor, and I was excited. After nearly a month of constant phone calls and running, my unemployment claim was approved, and the money was in my hands. I received my weekly rate plus an additional $600, yes 600 because of the pandemic. I lost a source of income due to the pandemic; for me, it was nearly $1,000 a week for the few months. I knew it would be challenging to return to work when bringing in this amount. As a massage therapist working down south, I knew I took a pay cut, but my relationship with Marito and livelihood was worth the sacrifice. On the other hand, I knew my worth since I received my massage education in NYC which required 1,000 hours to graduate before taking the board exam.

April 22- April 25, 2020- 
     It was already a few days since I moved to Virginia, and family and friends checked on me to make sure I was okay, especially my Aunt Becky. My Uncle Sheenie gave me $500 to purchase a bedroom, and I was extremely grateful. As an adult niece, I do not expect too many monetary gifts at my age; it was greatly appreciated. Although I was living with Jeff, Uncle Sheenie mentioned how proud he was of me, and he said, "Think of it as an engagement present that you can use for your home." I already know when a Carson man gives you money voluntarily, take it because they will not take it back. But my patience was wearing thin with Soft Touch Van Lines. They weren't giving any updates about our missing items. Before the two weeks were up, I started believing that they were a scam, and my Marito got played by this company. I started reading reviews from Google, and I couldn't believe what I was reading about the company. It was so atrocious; it was just unbelievable. Jeff could've driven the U-Haul to Virginia, and we wouldn't be in this situation. It was a learning experience because we "supposedly" hired a professional moving company. Lastly, I shouldn't pack up my documents despite being in a safe. I would have to take the safe with me on moving day.

April 30, 2020- 
    I was still on a job hunt for freelance opportunities and started attending remote workshops for voice-over. It was my private interest for quite a few years. It still is, but the pandemic made me realize I want to make money remotely if the massage/hospitality industry takes another hit in the future. I also received a refund from my 401K when I was an employee at Medly Pharmacy. It was unexpected, but God truly works miracles during a time of need. I continued watching tutorials on making specific dishes so Marito could have a mouth-watering dish when he returned home from work. Dear also checked on me since I was home by myself and Marito was not coming home until the weekend. She offered to drive me around if I needed to go shopping or run errands because Jeff was still in the process of purchasing a car. 

May 7, 2020- 
   A few days earlier, I reported a claim to the Department of Transportation about oft Touch Van Lines after realizing we were not getting our items back. They stopped answering our phone calls and disguised their voices so we couldn't get a hold of them via phone. It was disappointing, but there was no need to cry over spilled milk. I couldn't change the past, but I can note this shameful company, so others do not conduct business with them.   I watched a movie when I read that record executive and multimedia producer Andre Harrell passed away on my social media page. I was astonished because he was 59 years old, still relatively young. I was like, "We keep losing our legends left and right, and now Andre Harrell, are you kidding me?" He was responsible for the launching of so many musical figures, including Jodeci, Sean "Diddy," Combs, Al B. Sure, Robin Thicke, Christopher Williams, the late Notorious B.I.G, the late Heavy D, and of course, my favorite, The Queen of Hip-Hop Soul, Mary J. Blige. He was indeed a fatherly figure to Diddy and Mary J. Blige and launched a musical genre that changed the landscape of R&B music. My heart just went out to the Harrell family, his son, Gianni, former Uptown artists, and others who meant the world to Andre. I am not too fixated on celebrities, but this passing hit my heart. Without Andre Harrell, we would not have Puffy or Mary J.

May 10th , 2020-
       Despite my setback with Soft Touch Van Lines and the passing of Andre Harrell, there was some light at the end of the tunnel. I was featured in We Magazine for Women's column, "Women on the Move." I was jubilant because many are not featured, which is quite competitive. I thank God that people recognize my work as a journalist or massage therapist. The magazine asked me about my career paths, my second career path, massage, most fulfilling projects thus far, favorite ways to network, mentoring, dramatic events during my career, and advice for someone who would like to follow in my footsteps.

May 18, 2020-
   It was my dear childhood friend Bryant's 30th birthday. Usually, we would try to link up for this occasion, but it was Covid, and then I moved down south. You do not have too many amigos that still keep in touch with each other after three decades. Of course, there is chemistry and love there when you've been friends for so long. Since the crib, we've known each other and entertained the thought of dating each other for a second back in college. Although we decided to respect our friendship and not date, looking back, it was the best decision for both of us. It was one of those saying, "If it's doesn't apply, let it fly." Yes, we had our share of ups and downs. What friendship hasn't? However, we surpassed them and commended each other for our success personally and professionally. It is a friendship that I will cherish, and I am proud that he was not murdered or incarcerated. Based on our urban upbringing, it's a blessing when someone from East New York, Brooklyn made something of themselves. We did not want to be victims of street life; therefore, we decided to take a different route, and, in the end, it worked out in our favor.

May 25th, 2020- 
 
I applied for different massages positions in Norfolk or Virginia Beach because the governor announced businesses would open in mid-June. So, I decided to speak with Wine & Unwind Day Spa, Lisa Cassidy, about a massage therapist position. Dear drove me to the spa while Marito was at work, and I waited patiently to have an interview with Lisa. I informed Lisa that I have a massage license in New York state, and my support in Virginia was pending. She reviewed my resume and was impressed with the massage practicum. However, when she mentioned the hourly rate, I needed time to see if I was ready to go back to work as a therapist. After much pondering, I emailed Lisa and informing that I would like to have my physical VA massage license before I began working and wanted to keep my options open.

June 19th, 2020-   
         It was a little over a week, and I began the application process for my Passport since it was lost during our move to Virginia. I also received my Virginia massage license in the mail and applied for grants that would fund independent authors and journalists. Then, we received a call from Marito’s mom that our cousin, Hassan “Hoz” Brown passed away. My Aunty Kim told me that he wanted me to repair my relationship with my mother. She said he was hurt and disappointed about my estranged relationship with my mother and my stubborn nature. Jeff and I embraced Hoz ever since he was a kid, and we became friendly. It was surreal because I spoke to him on social media about Jeff & I am being engaged and his desire to be at a wedding if we decided to have a marital ceremony. Jeff, Hoz, and Marquis “Meekay,” were thick as thieves and did everything together. Hoz was always the jokester about our relationship, and it came to fruition. At first, I was like, I am a licensed massage therapist, and he would be able to get a professional one whenever he was in Virginia Beach. But Hoz was living a double life!
When he was around family and close friends, he was Hassan, Boop, or Red, but when he was in the streets, he was Hoz, “The Hitman.” In May, he was allegedly aspiring rapper Kennedy Joel Noel, known as a KJ Balla, and his crew sought vengeance. Police officers suspected that he was affiliated with KJ Balla shooting or shooting him. A month later, Hoz was gunned down during a drive-by shooting in my hometown, East New York, Brooklyn. Then, Hoz was announced dead at the Brookdale Hospital. I was devastated because he was 27 years old. My heart immediately went out to Aunt Kim and Big Hoz because they lost their eldest son. Aunty Kim will not have a future grandchild from Hoz, but most importantly, she will not kiss or hug him ever again. It gave Marito’s mother a different perspective about their relationship and strived to heal old wounds.
June 20th, 2020- 
    As promised, I kept my options open about different massage positions in Norfolk or Virginia Beach. Finally, I had a job interview with Float Norfolk’s manager, Jackie Clemons, about an on-call massage therapist. I arrived fifteen minutes early, and she was impressed with my punctuality, New York City background, and massage experience. Since it was an on-call job, I gave her a tentative schedule since I was still getting my unemployment checks. And I knew once I started working, so I needed to plan my schedule accordingly. Jackie offered me the job without a rare practicum; I thank God and keep it moving. She presented the hourly rate for 60- and 90-minute massages, matching my liking. Stephen emailed me the final cover of the Jon B, and I loved the final sketch. I swear Stephen is talented, and I am ecstatic that I reached out to him on social media.

June 22nd, 2020-
 I received two grants, The Learned Fangirl Freelance Emergency Fund and Author League Fund Grant, for my journalistic work and writing a book during the Covid-19 pandemic. I also received a physical copy of the Lefferts Manor Journal. I collaborated with journalist Suzanne Spellen, Lefferts Manor Association president Carlene Braithwaite, and my mentor and Brooklyn College professor, Ron Howell, on the journal, and it was an extreme honor. The journal's name, “Lefferts Manor A Singular New York City Community,” turned out to be a huge success. Professor Howell said the story of Lefferts Manor would keep in Brooklyn’s hearts for more than a century. For this project, I stepped out of my comfort zone. Now. I was not a historian, but I am so thankful that I took on the challenge. I respect Professor Howell’s judgment, and I was honored that he selected me for the project.
June 23rd, 2020-
    I participated in a small seminar from an iconic publicist, Monique Jackson. The name of the workshop was “Get the Press to Say Yes,” and her advice was phenomenal. So I figured this was an excellent way to figure out ways to promote the Jon B when it was launched in November 2020. When I finished watching her seminar, there were five P’s that stuck with me: Passion, Purpose, Press, Platform, and Profit. With these five Ps in mind, your message matters, and you need to figure out the way to attract your audience. 

June 24th, 2020- 
  I was finishing the final touches of the Jon B book. I was like, yes, it was finished, but then I reviewed the book once more, and I saw things that I wanted to add and remove. I know Emily would be my second pair of eyes to read the book. The writer should not take the editor’s job much harder when editing written material, especially a book. I worked on the book for the last five months, and now the words were hitting the page. I was apprehensive about publishing the book because it was less than 100 pages, but my friend and editor, Emily Timmerman, encouraged me to publish it. She said, “The book has excellent content about Jon B, and his story needs to be heard from a renowned journalist, trust in your ability.” When she said those words to me, it was game time. 
June 25th, 2020-
 
I submitted the book to Emily since she will be editing the Jon B book. I love paying people for their artistic skills, and Emily was no different. I paid her $275 through CashApp to edit the book, and it was worth the investment. When I emailed her the Word document for the book, it was a sense of freedom because another set of eyes would be reviewing the book. Yes, she would read my love and fascination for Jon B, but his life story. This is the second project that Emily and I collaborated on, and great minds think alike. Currently, I can not specify the subject matter for the first project, but hopefully, it will be released in 2022 which the legality of the book is finalized. 
July 6th, 2020-
   It was a chill-out day, and it was the day before I started my job at Float Norfolk as a massage therapist. First, I purchased my massage gear: everything from T-shirts, work pants, holsters, and massage oils. I was anxious but excited because I hadn’t performed massages in four months. At this point, massage was like riding a bike for me; it just comes naturally when there is love and passion for the field. My only concern was making sure that I still had my regimen: performing four massages back-to-back with buffers before I needed a break. And tomorrow will be the deciding factor. I also had to get used to massaging clients with a mask during the summertime. I knew it would be a challenge because performing massages is a fantastic workout, and I had to do it with a face covering. Also, the rooms can be humid during the summertime where there isn’t an adequate AC or fans.

                                          Working During Covid-19 
July 7th, 2020- 
   It was my first day of employment in Virginia. I was now an on-call massage therapist with Float Norfolk. Unfortunately, I did not have a driver’s license or car to schedule a Lyft in advance to arrive on time for my first day of work. On the first day, Jackie gave me a tour of the Renova Center and introduced me to the front desk and gym staff members. Owen was operating the front desk at the time, and he was one of the sweetest and ambitious young men I had met in a long time. He was juggling work and school and wanted to have a career in human services. I also met the other front desk associates: Krystal, Jennifer, Rebecca, Neil, and Zach. But overall, it was a slow day because I had two appointments, and one was a no-call, no-show; it would defeat the purpose. Lastly, before my shift ended, Jackie mentioned that I had a 20 percent discount for utilizing the Float tank at the facility. 

July 8th, 2020-
  
Today was one year that I passed the MBLEX, Massage Bodywork, and Licensing Examination. I was nervous when the receptionist folded the paper in half. I was petrified because I needed this certification to massage outside of New York State, even to New Jersey, the next-door neighbor of the Empire State. I said to myself, “Ok, this cannot be good, but when I opened it, my mood changed instantly. . Man, when I saw the word “pass” on the paper, I was so excited. I was like, “Yes, hard work pays off, and Dr. Desepoli’s review course came in handy.” I paid quite a bit for Dr. Desepoli’s course, but it was worth every penny. The course prepared me for NYS state and the MBLEX. I took the online exams repeatedly, and they worked out in my favor. I have the certification paper in my possession with my other documents. It was a sense of achievement that I would forever remember.
July 9th, 2020- 
     It was my second day of work at Massage Norfolk, and I had four appointments: 2 60 minute and 2 90 min massages. One of the massages was Aromatherapy with Hot Stones. I love performing 90-minute massages because, yes, it’s more money, but you can target your client’s troubled areas. Unfortunately, it was a humid day, and the air conditioner was not running in the treatment room. The fan was running, but it did not suffice at all, but I persevered. It was a great day because I received my tips in cash, and I was looking forward to my first check the following week.
July 14th, 2020- 
    It was such a rough day! It was my mother’s birthday, and I did not have the heart to call her. We were estranged for a year and a half, and I knew my emotions were imbalanced when it came to my mother. And to make matters worse, I saw her post on FB, “Everything attached to me wins,” and it was a picture of my sister and her husband, Corey. I was so ravaged because how could you put our business on the street, especially on social media. Now, I am not saying she cannot remember her personal feeling about me and the current state of our relationship. But, when it is posted online, it’s public, and now it’s permeant. I cried hysterically, and Dear called me, and I tried to change the tone of my family. I was crying a few minutes before she called and she knew something was wrong. Dear said a few words, but it meant so much at that moment. She said, “I’ve known you for a short time, but I know you are a good daughter. Your mother is just lashing out because she is hurt. Live your life, and when you’re ready, you will talk to your mother.” After my conversation with Dear, I wiped my tears and tucked them already metamorphically, and I prayed to God to check the matters of my heart about my mother.

August 3rd, 2020- 
    Things were looking up! By Jon, B's book was now officially copyrighted. It was listed in the U.S Copyright Office catalog. This was huge for an aspiring author. I cannot mark it off from my to-do list. It was one less thing that I needed to worry about, and I was ready for my Master P interview. My media friend and colleague, Kadeem Lundy pulled some strings, and I am interviewing hip-hop mogul and businessman, Master P also known as The Icecream Man. I was writing the article for TheGrio, and it was going to be published within the next few days. The angle for my writing was the” No Limit Chronicles” on BET. He released the “No Limit Chronicles,” and the five-part series discussed his upbringing, relationship with his kids, record label No Limit Records, relaunching rap legend, Snoop Dogg career, and brother C-Murder’s prison sentence, and the future of the company. It was conducted on Zoom, and I also interviewed former No Limit labelmates Mia X and Fiend. I had a few minutes with each interviewee, and it was such a fantastic experience. I love interviewing professionals who paved the way for other artists in the music business.

August 7th, 2020- 
    I received a call from my former spa director, Sam stating that Bliss spa is open for business. It was a sense of relief because I could pick up my ring from the locker room. Since Float Norfolk is an on-call job, I was able to take a 7-hour bus ride to New York City. I told Jackie in advance that I needed to go to New York to finalize my affairs with Bliss Spa. So Marito dropped me off at the bus station; I had to catch an 11:30 pm bus to Manhattan. The Greyhound bus arrived in New York City early Saturday morning. It was a scary bus ride to the city, but now I was in the town. This was the first time I was in the city in four months, and the city was a dead zone. It was a ghost town, and the Manhattan streets were not busy. I grabbed my latte from Starbucks and waited an hour and a half before Bliss Spa opened. Finally, Sam opened the door, and I grabbed my rings and knick-knacks out of the locker room and said my final goodbye. Before I left, Sam just wanted me to know that I was a great therapist, and Myesha (my middle name) will be missed.
A few hours before I reported back to the bus to Virginia, I visited my Aunty Kim at the shop. She was so happy to see, and we had a chance to catch up before she closed the shop for the day. She also tried to persuade me about visiting my mother while I was up here. Yes, we were still amid the pandemic, and I did not want to scatter everywhere, but I was still furious and hurt with my mother. At the time, I thought I respected my mother by not bringing that energy around her because I knew I would not have an optimistic attitude about the situation. I stuck to my guns and spent the last few hours at Jeff’s motherhouse. Since Jeff and I will be together long-term, we strived to put our differences aside and be cordial. 
Delsie paid for my Uber ride back to my train station, and I was ready to go back to Virginia. My trip to New York was not personal. I handled my business at the spa, and the mission was accomplished!
August 8th, 2020-
    I arrived back in Virginia the next day, and Marito picked me from the Greyhound bus station around 6:30 am Saturday. It was his day off, and I was so cheerful when I saw him. I was also ready to shower after wearing the same clothes for 36 hours. After a few hours of the saying “making happy,” as dance singer Crystal Waters said, I rested for the rest of the day. It was much needed because those bus seats were not comfortable. I realized New York City would forever live in my heart, but it is no longer my physical home. I had to accept that as I continued on my journey as a Virginian.
August 12th, 2020- 
    Great news fell right under my lap like a sheet of tissue! My tribute article on Mary Mcleod Bethune was listed on BadBride.com, interviewed my journalism colleague, Treye Greene, on his latest editorial project, Black in Media, and was interviewed on yourarstygirlpodcast.com. Listeners would be able to listen to the podcast on Spotify. Yourartsygirlpodcast.com is a platform for creatives willing to share their stories and their latest projects. Before you are interviewed, an application process has to be completed through the Submittable website, and thankfully, I was approved. The interview with Cristina lasted for 20 minutes, but so much was covered during the interview. The podcast was a great way to pre-promote the Jon B book and why writing is such a dominant force in my life.

September 13th, 2020- 
     I have been reflecting on my birthdays since I was 20’s and it was phenomenal. 
I had birthday dinners and BBQs with friends and family, a trip to Miami with my sister, who was newly engaged two weeks after my 28th birthday, and two visits with Marito: Boston and Mexico. Two weeks earlier, I wrote about the remarkable people I met at my alma mater, Brooklyn College. My exact words for the column were, “In the spirit of women empowerment, I am focusing on four women I met on campus. Our relationship transitioned to “friendly.” These ladies are Fergie Raphael, Mermelie “Millie” Cadet, Isabel Olmedo, and Sabine Saint-Cyr. We are the Quads; Sabine likes to call us The Fantastic Four. Fergie and I are like Laverne and Shirley.”
 
  But, for my 30th birthday, I treated myself to a boudoir photo shoot. A boudoir photoshoot has been on my bucket list for years. I always wanted to reveal my inner sexy on camera, and I found a makeup artist and a female boudoir for a reasonable price on Groupon. It was a pre-birthday gift to myself, and I took a Lyft to the mall to get my makeup done before the shoot. My makeup was flawless, and I still looked natural. The artist completed the task just in time for the shoot. So, I had to take a Lyft to Airbnb, where the photoshoot was conducted for the next 75 minutes. My photographer, Katie, was superb and made me feel comfortable in front of the camera. R&B music was playing, and I was in the zone. I felt alive and started to embrace that I was approaching 30. After we completed the location, Katie told me I would review the pictures within a week, receive two complimentary photos, and select a package based on my budget.
 On a professional note, my podcast appearance on 2 RMTs and a Microphone premiered yesterday, and I was ecstatic. Finally, I shared my massage journey on a Canadian media platform, and the hosts were excellent. They made me feel comfortable, and the segment lasted for two hours. But as much as I enjoyed Float Norfolk as a therapist and the flexibility, I was ready to apply for another massage position that had a much higher clientele. Wine and Unwind Day Spa, Lisa reached out via email from time to time about accepting a massage therapist role at the spa. I thought about her hourly rate, and I hesitated for a second. It wasn’t the ideal rate I wanted as an independent contractor, but I accepted the role. I would still perform massages at Float Norfolk on a need-to basis, but Wine and Unwind would be center stage.

September 16th, 2020-
   
Today was my first day at Wine and Unwind Day Spa. I completed orientation and training with then lead massage therapist, Pumba. She was fantastic and straightforward about the daily duties of a massage therapist. We went over my schedule, and since I was an independent contractor, I made my schedule. I said I would work Wednesday through Friday to still receive partial unemployment from New York State. Although I was only working three days, the hours were long. On Wednesdays, I work from 11 am to 9 am, 10 am to 8 pm on Thursday, and 9 am to 6 pm on Fridays. I didn’t have anyone listed under my book, but I had to stick around since I was an independent contractor. I did not have an appointment until four pm, so I utilized my free time for the next four years. I performed three massages, and it wasn’t too bad. But, after the first day, I knew that I was not going to be working at the spa for long based on the upkeep and just the overall aura. This was just a metamorphosis that was placed, and I knew my character was going to be tested for the next few months.

September 22nd, 2020-
      I can’t believe that I turned 30 today. Omg, I am not 30 years old, and it was a massive milestone in my life. I was born on the first day of fall, and it was always an exciting fact in my eyes. Fall was the season for hoodies and pumpkin spice lattes. My cousin, James, was also my birthday twin since his birthday was also my mother’s due date. To me, my 30th birthday represented change and liberation. On this day, I, Dominique Myesha Carson aka Dom aka Domino aka Princess aka Nique aka Nicky Nack aka Sugar Plum, entered the world 30 years ago. Yes, I was TRENTA, TRIENTE! It has been quite a ride, and I’ve accepted the good, bad, ugly, and sexy. I woke up feeling excited and looking forward to Chapter 30, especially during the current state of the world. I have accomplished a great deal thus far, but I feel like I am the tip of the iceberg. I thank my Heavenly Father that I strive day by day, TO LIVE & NOT JUST EXIST! I would continue to leave my mark in people’s lives like a pen.
September 24th, 2020-
     I have been 30 for two days, and I told myself that I needed to focus on what motivates or inspires me versus seeking approval from other people. I was just grateful that I was alive and had my friends and family and Marito. Marito picked me up from work because he took me away for the weekend. I packed my weekend bag the night before, so I did not report to the house after work. It was a surprise, and I was ready to find out since it was still my birthday weekend. My heart was full of joy as I sat in the passenger seat. I enjoyed the ride, soft R&B music, but most importantly, I spent time with my beau. But as we were approaching Williamsburg, I saw the Busch Gardens signs while I was on the highway. I immediately hugged Marito but not too tight because he was driving, and I did not want to lose sight of his concentration. I covered my eyes because I was in disbelief that this was happening. I mentioned to Marito that I wanted to go back to Busch Gardens at the beginning of the summer, but it was a casual conversation. I said to myself, “We were makin’ happy this weekend for sure.” I was in complete awe and wanted to show Marito my love and appreciation for him through our lovemaking. We stayed at the Holiday Inn five minutes away from the amusement park, and the hotel was decorated nicely.

September 25th-27th, 2020-
      Saturday was the day that I relived my childhood. I was ready to get on the rides. Since we were in the middle of the pandemic, there were rules and regulations that guests needed to follow before arrival. The amusement required social distancing, which was a plus because we could get on the rides twice. We got on the Phantom’s Revenge, Python, Ice Breaker, Big Bad Wolf, Scorpion, and Griffon, to name a few. I knew Marito decided to ride some of the rollercoasters twice just for me because he knew that I wanted him to be a part of this recreational journey. Busch Gardens' getaway was a great way to end my birthday weekend. I thanked my baby constantly because it was indeed a surprise. I haven’t been to the amusement park in 20 years, but I enjoyed myself very much. My adrenaline was ultimately high, and my inner child was revived. I am and will always be a rollercoaster lover. I realized this is the result when your baby is an adventurous and spontaneous man.

October 5th, 2020- 
     I found out one of my boudoir photos was selected for the All Things Boudoir VIP Facebook page for October. I was so stooked that my picture was chosen as “October Cover Girls,” It was an honor that my photo was selected for the Facebook page. Several women have worked with ATB, but when you are a cover girl for the company, it’s a fantastic experience. It was a special moment in my life that I would forever remember, and I was proud of myself. I haven’t taken any professional pictures since my undergraduate and pageant days, so this was a post-birthday gift in my eyes.
October 8th, 2020-
       I made my final payment on my Boudoir photoshoot, and it was an accomplishment. I followed with the payment plan and paid the remaining balance early. I selected 34 photos, and the prices were steep. It was costly, approximately $1,000, but it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. However, I had a “Y.O.L.O (You Only Live Once)” mentality about my 30th birthday, and I wanted to live it up despite doing things remotely. Marito will only have his “exclusive but special” photo album for his eyes. The remaining 14 photos would be for my digital archives, and I was intrigued by the art presented through the pictures.

October 12th, 2020- 
       My article, “Sister, Can We Talk: Leaving Your 20’ and Evolving Into Your 30’s” was published on Spotlight on Recovery magazine. I decided to write about an article that most women can relate to when leaving their 20’s behind. Back in the day, most believe when you are thirty years old, you are a part of the “old school club.” But as a millennial living in 2020, our lives are just getting started, and we have a lot more to achieve. In my article, I wrote about the things I’ve experienced or seen in my 20’s and the challenges I’ve earned along the way. I thank God for every birthday, especially when I turned 21, 23, 25, and 27. Those numbers were significant to me because 21 was the legal age, my biological had succumbed when I was 23, 25 meant I was halfway through my twenties, and some of my favorite artists passed away when they were 27. So those ages were important, especially when you are a native from East New York, Brooklyn. Some people do not have a life of their own when they are 21 or 25. I just wanted the article to encourage them to have fun in their 20’s but be wise, and turning 30 is NOT old at all. As for me, I was ready to enter into my 30s because it symbolized my strength, and I was looking forward to the future. 
 
 
October 22nd, 2020-
           Today made one year since I received my New York State massage license. A year ago, I was preparing for this exam, and it was time-consuming. I remembered when I received the notification that I had to take the St. John’s University test on August 22nd, 2019, at 1:30 pm. When I printed the testing information, I said to myself, “I am taking this exam, and it would determine if I were going to be a licensed massage therapist. I moved back to Brooklyn within three weeks, and it was quite an adjustment. I was working and still studying for the exam before and after work. Finally, to take the exam, I arrived at the university and students within the five boroughs, Long Island and Westchester. It was a three-hour exam, and I found the results in six to eight weeks. My life was on hold for eight weeks, but I found out on October 8th, 2019, that I passed the NYS licensing exam. Then, I received the actual license in the mail, and I was officially licensed on October 22nd, 2019, a month after my 29th birthday. When I saw the envelope, it was official. It was a done deal! I was now a licensed massage therapist for New York State, my hometown. So yes, October 22nd would always be a special day; I like to call it my “massage born day.” 
 
 
November 9th, 2020-
       I launched the Kindle and Paperback version of my book, Jon B: Are You Still Down?  After months of researching and writing numerous drafts for the book, I was officially a published author. I did not write the book for monetary purposes; I just wanted to challenge myself. Yes, every author would like to make money from their books, but it was not my primary focus. I also hired Kyle Dendy’s as a publicist to feature my story on Fox, NBC, CBS, and Medium online sites two weeks before the due date. It was a short-term project with Kyle, but it was worth it. My features were considered “pre-teasers” to promote the Jon B book and my work as a massage therapist and journalist. So, everything was falling into place with the online features and the book's launching. I would reach out to publications highlighting the text or my writing journey for the next few months. Also, Jon B and his team gave me a shout-out on social media, and they were pleased with the book. As a gift, I mailed a complimentary copy of the book to Jon B’s PR team since they were looking forward to reading the book.

November 11th, 2020-
      Today was a day where we paid homage to our soldiers and troops, and it was also Jon B’s birthday. He was born on the 11th month and the 11th day. 11 is a master number in numerology, and it is pretty poignant. The book was also a way to honor a talented R&B legend for his creativity as an artist and his humble nature. I’ve always respected him as a singer, songwriter, producer, and instrumentalist. Jon’s career spanned for over two decades, and I just wanted readers to learn more about this incredible artist by purchasing the book on Amazon.com or Goodreads.com.

November 13th, 2020-
        It has been eight years since my grandfather, Richard Alonzo Grant, passed away. I remember when my cousin called my sister after midnight to inform us that my grandfather had died in the house. It was just a glutinous time because my grandfather was my heart. He was my “Gramps” and gave me the nickname “Nicky Nack.” I can say I had a special relationship with him. We bonded over sweets, love for comedy, classic R&B movies, and he was transparent with me when necessary. I dedicate some of my in-person interviews and Jon B book to my parents. I miss even more when I hear songs from The Gap Band, Teddy Pendergrass, Smokey Robinson, The Whispers, or The Temptations. When I interviewed R&B legend Eddie Levert, I believe my Gramps was reincarnated because of the overall atmosphere during the interview. I laughed profusely, and I knew my grandparents loved The O’ Jays. So, yes, although it’s my godbrother's birthday, this date is bittersweet for me. I still have my good and bad days, but Gramps would forever live in my heart. Unfortunately, I needed to look at his homecoming as God assigned him to a new bus route.

November 16th, 2020- 
       My alma mater, Brooklyn College, The Vanguard, published a weekly newspaper for students, and I was asked to be featured in the publication. I reached out to the magazine about the angle of the feature after submitting the press release. I released the book a week ago, and now a Vanguard reporter interviewed me over the phone for approximately 45 minutes. I enjoyed speaking with her because I discussed my writing journey, my love for music, especially 90’s music, adjusting to the pandemic, and upcoming artistic projects in the future. The interview went well, and the article was published during Thanksgiving week. So, I was off to a good start and continued to reach out to local publications to promote the Jon B book.

November 30th, 2020-
       Today was Marito’s birthday, and yes, I wanted to give Jeff something for his birthday. I was disappointed that I could not splurge like I wanted to due to unemployment being my primary source of income. But it was okay with Jeff because he didn’t mention anything in particular. So, I decided to treat him to The Cheesecake Factory in Virginia Beach and purchased Tommy John’s undergarments. And so, Jeff drove to the Cheesecake Factory, and as we were driving in the car, we heard Jon B’s records. Marito said, “Ever since you wrote the book, I hear Jon B’s music more and more. I thought Babyface was singing those songs.” We arrived at the restaurant, and of course, we had to wear masks except when we were eating. I haven’t eaten at the Factory for a long time, and I have to say the food is delicious. The restaurant is pricey, but my baby was worth spending the money at the moment. The Cheesecake Factory waiters sang “Happy Birthday,” and he was full of smiles and giggles. We concluded the night with the Edible Arrangements his mother brought. It was a chilled birthday for Jeff, but in the end, he was satisfied because we spent it together.

December 25th, 2020-
           Christmas was coming up, and Jeff decided it was best for us to plan a weekend getaway. I was thrilled because I was off for the weekend. If anything, I was eager to attend and decided to revisit Busch Gardens for their Christmas Town special. It is known to be the largest Christmas celebration in Virginia. We arrived at the Holiday Inn hotel Friday night and rested up to go to Busch Gardens the next day. But before we went to the amusement park, we ate at The Whaling Company. We read their reviews before the trip, and it was a walking distance behind the trip. The food was so delicious, and my Godiva Martini was the cherry on a sundae. We told a power nap, and we were ready to see the twinkling lights at Busch Gardens and the live performances. Now some rides were closed down due to the chilly weather. Williamsburg’s climate was similar to an artic compared to Norfolk, 30-40 minutes away. We stayed for about two hours before going back to the hotel, and I enjoyed myself. We wrapped up the morning by “makin’ happy,” and we were on our way back to Norfolk.

December 28th, 2020- 
           After a relaxing weekend in Busch Gardens, I evaluated Wine and Unwind Day Spa, and it went well. But I knew in my heart that I would not work at the spa too much longer. I did not understand why it was still a shocker when I said I was from New York City. I couldn’t understand why it was still an eye-wonder for some employees. But then, I was still not impressed with the upkeep of the spa and the products to clean sheets and blankets. It was a stepping stone to get back in the groove of massaging clients. I released the book a month ago, featured in East Michigan University’s alumna, Bianca Ramsey, podcast. I was so honored when Bianca reached out to me because she discovered me through LinkedIn.com. Before LinkedIn.com, I did not have a professional relationship with her, but Bianca respected my work as a journalist. After I appeared on the show, other publications were interested in the book: HJ Book Blog, Music Connection, BK Reader, Pasadena Weekly, Hype Magazine, Canarsie Courier, Writer’s Life Magazine, Christina Waszak’s YouTube Show, “The Students are Now the Teachers,” Writers Guild of Virginia Virtual Book Fair, to name a few. 

December 31st, 2020- 
       I left 2019 on an ultimate chocolate high! I graduated from massage school, traveled overseas for the first time in years, worked at one of the best spas in NYC, fresh out of school. Then six months later, my second industry, massage therapy, was affected due to the Covid-19 pandemic. Freelance opportunities in journalism were limited because of the state of the world. I mean, the world shut down completely. Quite a few things happened in 2020! I moved and adjusted to a new state with Marito after 29 years in the Empire State mentally and emotionally, rebuilding my industry, massage, a few recreational activities available, and a lack of travel. However, I thanked God for the things I’ve achieved this year: be in one state with my King and holding the house down when my industry was affected severely, cooked and baked more than ever, wrote my book, hired a PR team for the book, lived to see 30 years of age, was a co-participant in the Lefferts Manor journal, was nominated for the Woodrow Wilson Higher Education Media Fellowship, did a boudoir photo shoot to raise awareness about self-esteem and confidence in women, massaged clients, met some excellent co-workers and cherished my family and friends back in NYC and the Tri-State area. I thank God for a stable mind and still acknowledge His grace and mercy over my life. In 2021, I planned to marinate in my purpose, redefine the words connection, reconciliation, passion, and wellness.

2021 Journal Post Covid-19 Outbreak (Walking in the Footsteps of a Queen More and More every day) 

January 11, 2021-
 A week and a half after the New Year started, I was featured on Pink Cloud 9 Vodcast. Katherine created the podcast so others will have the opportunity to showcase their work. She is a social media marketing and vodcast host. She named the podcast Pink Cloud 9 because it is a recovery term. Katherine wants others to take charge of their mental health, and the podcast is also a haven for those who struggle with addiction. She shares her personal experiences with mental health and how it’s essential in everyday life. For the next 15 minutes, listeners can listen to the interview on Anchor or Spotify. I had the opportunity to talk about the Jon B book, the concept for the book, the release date, the book’s genre, the first biography I read, defining happiness, why nonfiction is my favorite genre, who was my creative inspirations. We need to demonstrate acts of kindness as a community.

January 13, 2021- 
I was compensated for my Chadwick Boseman's tribute article for Bleu Magazine. I reached out to Bleu's editorial team to see if I could write a piece on him. I know he passed away in August 2020, and I wanted to honor a talented actor. He left such a groundbreaking impact not only in entertainment but the world. Chadwick was battling stage III colon cancer, and yet, he had the strength to make more movies, including Black Panther. I was like, wow, he was suffering in silence and was still grinding. Fans realize that if they can work every day when physically drained, we should reevaluate their outlook on life and purpose on Earth. After watching his final film Ma Rainey Black Bottom, with Academy Award-winning actress Viola Davis, I thought about my favorite quote. My favorite quote from him was, "You have to cherish things in a different way when you know the clock is ticking. You are under pressure." Chadwick showed his fans how to continue pushing the envelope when all hope is lost. In the end, he was and still is our unique superhero on Earth.
January 25th, 2021
      I bought a hoodie titled "Self-Care is the Best Care" fromAunty Kim and my soon-to-be mother-in-law, Delsie. They have been working together at Body & Soul Hair Salon, LLC for over 20 years and launched their sub-brand, Bojoul. Bojoul means "Self-Care is the Best Care." On the website, there are a variety of items for the clients. Since I bought the hoodie, I created a video mentioning the texture and overfit. The hoodie was a great fit, especially when looking casual or running errands. The video was posted on their social media handles and had over 300 views. I enjoy helping people with their businesses; it shows the support. It just made me realize that we need to patronize small companies more, especially when self-care is one of the keys to longevity in life.
  

January 28th, 2021-
        It was 3.5 weeks into the New Year, and we lost iconic actress Cicely Tyson. I was at a loss, but I realized this woman lived a long life. Her career spanned seven decades, and she was known for her loving, nurturing, strong, and vibrant roles of African- American women. My favorite movies and television specials from Cicely Tyson were Sounder, The Women of Brewster Place, The Trip to Bountiful, and A Lesson Before Dying. I bought the Kindle version of her memoir, "Just Am I Am," two days before she passed. I realized this woman was 96 years old when she died and wanted to learn more about her story. So, I wrote a tribute piece on her a few years earlier for Bleu Magazine. Bleu Magazine calls their tribute pieces "Icon," The reporter writes 500 words about their role and contributions to society. Cicely Tyson would forever be remembered as a legendary actress whose poise and elegant attitude inspired several generations of actors and actresses.

February 15th, 2021
        It was the day after Valentine's Day, and I already knew it would be a busy week for massage therapists at Wine and Unwind Day Spa. I worked two days earlier, and my feet were on fire, so every break and downtime were crucial more than ever. I finished my last client and was excited about eating leftovers until Gabby's lead massage therapist wanted to speak to me in private. I knew it would be something trivial, and my assumption was correct. She told me that "The spa employees were talking about my personality, saying I was too headstrong and can be condescending towards them. She said I don't know, maybe it's a New York thing, but I just wanted you to know." I said, "Okay, who was talking about me, and what are you going to do about the situation? Is there going to be an intervention? I do not want to feel like I need to watch my back and look at somebody as a suspect." Gabby replied, "Oh, I do not want to say who, but they may feel like they can have a conversation with you." I said, "Okay, but how am I supposed to resolve something if people are not willing to come forward?" She ended the conversation with, "Watch your back. I wanted to give you a heads-up."
At that moment, I was so furious to point that I was crying. I do not think women are messy and vindicative, especially in the workplace. I do not care if people like me respect what I do as a massage therapist. So, I decided to call my sister/friend, Sabine, for emotional support. Our phone call lasted for a few minutes, but Bine said the most empathetic and loving words. She softened my heart and said grown women are just going to be spiteful, do their job, and start looking for another job in the meantime. After our conversation, I dusted the negativity off my shoulder and changed my mind set about the workplace. After my shift, I knew I could not trust anyone at the job, and soon enough, I was not going to stay at a place where I was undervalued and underappreciated.

March 3rd, 2021
  For Women's History Month, I wanted to honor women in the massage industry who paved the way for me to have a career in the healing arts. First, I acknowledged Mary Hannigan, the initiator of hot stones. This modality has helped many people with their injuries and chronic pain. And it all started with a woman. I value the history of massage so much. Therefore, intricate facts about the field stay with me for dear life. Next, I wanted to acknowledge Delilah Beasley! She was the first African American female massage therapist. Back in Ohio, she was a trained practitioner after her parents were deceased when she was a teenager. She was also a writer, nurse, and journalist. Without her contributions, I would not be a licensed massage therapist.

March 26th, 2021,
 I resigned at Wine and Unwind Day Spa. I had enough unnecessary drama, and it was time to change. Otherwise, I would've been terminated. Two weeks earlier, I was getting for my client, and I love being punctual. And as I was leaving the break room, Gabby asked me to enter the office. I said, "Can this wait, I have a client in a few minutes," and she said, "Oh, it's not going to take long." When I stepped into the office, there were papers on the deck, and yet, we were having the same conversation back last month. Then the spa manager, Fallon, tried to write about the situation that we discussed together when I first started working at the spa. But, after I reminded them about an earlier position, she waived that write-up. But Gabby and Fallon brought up my personality again and how it's interfering with my other coworkers' performance. I asked to leave the room to calm my nerves because I knew my temper was boiling. They arrived outside a few minutes later, and I completed lost my temper. I was like, this is outrageous, and this is a petty and immature drama that was not handled correctly.
   I was so sick and tired of people telling me I behave this way because I am from New York City. I said I had been working since I was a teenager, and whenever a coworker had an issue, it was brought to the table under management's leadership. I said, "You do not do that here, and it causes friction with other employees when you do not address the issue. People arrive at work smelling like marijuana, but we have a juvenile conversation about personality traits. I take pride and great joy as a massage therapist; my works speaks for itself." My temper simmered somewhat, and I knew the conversation was going in circles. I signed the write-up and did not want anyone to say anything to me for the rest of the day. Because of this senseless meeting, I was late for my client, and it was only that I gave them their full time. After I ended my session with my client, Green Leaf and Pebble Tea Spa left me a voicemail saying, "I was offered a job as a massage therapist." I praised God and knew He was with me during a disastrous time. After completing my shift, I informed Fallon that I was putting in my two weeks and wrote Lisa, the owner, that I was leaving the spa on Friday, March 26th, 2021.

April 7th, 2021-
After I left Wine and Unwind, I needed a week to detox the negative energy associated with the spa. I wanted to have a clean slate when I started working at Green Leaf. It was a new environment, and I did not want to transfer the toxic energy. I took a Lyft to Green Leaf and warmly greeted the staff. I already knew Graceann because she trained me in cupping and gave me a massage while performing a practicum for the job. As soon as I entered the establishment, I felt a sense of tranquility and was eager to perform massages after signing off on my hiring papers. Ashley Rogers, Spa Manager and Spa Owner, Katherine Stebbins, went over my start salary, rules and regulations, discounts, and working schedule. I love that I have an hour lunch break when needed and 30 minutes between sessions because I do not have to rush with my clients and possibly speak with them at the end of the session. I was off to a great start and was looking forward to building an excellent repertoire with clients and staff.

April 9th, 2021
       One of my favorite rappers, Earl "DMX" Simmons, passed away from a cocaine-induced heart attack. Demons are real! I was a little girl sneaking in my cousin's musical archives, listening to X's music. DMX's talents and contributions in music oversee his shortcomings and drug addiction. I just wanted people to stop judging him, especially if they did not know his story. X has five consecutive #1 albums and two number one albums in the same calendar year. I knew drug addiction is accurate, and the wrong crowd would intentionally try to interrupt God's plan over your life. I was fortunate enough to be schooled by my family about the dangers of drugs. However, I realized it was not the case for everyone. Addiction is a constant battle. An individual's addiction may not be substances but let's talk about food, sex, adultery, social media, womanizing, profanity, porn. Should I continue? People need to be thankful that this is not their end story and pay attention to DMX's talent. As a DMX fan, I would continue to patronize his art and remember the significant contributions to Def Jam Records and hip-hop music. RIP Dark Man X!

April 26th, 2021
     Marito and I were approved for the two-bedroom apartment in 226 Oceana Apartment complex. I was working on a Saturday when Marito called me and said, "We were approved for the 226 Oceana Ave apartments. We would have a two-bedroom apartment with amenities and a patio. I was so thrilled because we were leaving East Little Creek Road in Norfolk, VA, in two months. He changed our living situation for the better, and the apartment was ten minutes away from the job. After my first client, I listened to The Jeffersons' theme song, "Movin' On Up," from Ja'Net DuBois because the new apartment represented growth and rebirth. We needed to sign paperwork and make sure we had rental insurance for the new apartment for the next few weeks.

May 3rd, 2021
     I received a letter stating that I was approved for a Venmo credit account. Thank you, God, and it reminded me that my credit was approved a great deal. My credit has been up and down due to my previous experiences with fraud, but thanks to Marito's resources, my credit did a complete 180. On a more critical note, after 2.5 years, I accepted my mother's friend request on Facebook. My mouth dropped when I realized she unblocked me from social media. At first, I hesitated about accepting the request because I was not ready to speak with her at the moment. But I put my stubbornness aside and received the request. I still love my mother and miss her. However, I told myself that she needs respect as her ADULT child and not as a child. Therefore, it was essential to me to have an authentic and forthcoming relationship soon.

May 9th, 2021 (Mother's Day 2021)
     After 2.5 years, I decided to call my mother on Mother's Day. Before the phone call, Jeff encouraged me to reach out to my mother to better me and heal my inner soul. And now today was the day! I called her, and at first, she didn't answer the phone. So, I texted her, saying, "Happy Mother's Day, Mommy! I called you this morning, but I figured you were getting ready for church. I hope you are enjoying your day. Your gift will be here in 1-2 weeks, with delays with shipping due to Covid, But I was the one that sent you your book lovers' mask. Love you, Your First Born." We spoke for 30 minutes later, but the conversation resonated with my soul. I realized that whatever comes from the soul touches the soul, manifested over the phone. Mommy knew we would need a heart-to-heart conversation about what caused us to have an estranged relationship. We knew if we were going to repair our relationship, we needed the four R's: responsibility, rebirth, restoration, and resourcefulness. True healing and forgiveness were the core elements to restore our relationship as mother and daughter.

Move to Virginia Beach- 226 Oceana Ave Apartments
June 8th, 2021-
 It was our official moving day to 226 Oceana Avenue apartments. After living in Norfolk for over a year, we officially moved to the beach. The Oceana Avenue apartments are close to my drive, so the cost of my Lyft rides would be much cheaper. So, for 48 hours, we cleaned and packed the final items in moving boxes. We had to leave Fort Worth Avenue early afternoon and drop off the keys. I wouldn't say I liked the moving process because it was draining and a lot of physical force. Marito and I took the day off; moving would occupy our day. Marito rented the Penske truck due to our atrocious experience with Soft Touch Van Lines. It worked out perfectly since he is a CDL A truck driver. We were up and about first thing in the morning and putting items in the truck. So around 3 pm, the property manager arrived at Fort Worth for the final inspection, and we passed. The property manager said, "We did a great job with the appointment, and you can leave the keys." Before we left, Marito and I did one final run of the apartment, and we were on the road to the Oceana Avenue apartments. About 30 minutes, we arrived at the complex and stopped by the leasing office to get the new keys to the apartment. The Property Manager gave her keys, and now it was time for us to remove our belongings from the truck. One of our neighbors welcomed us to the belonging by providing us with toiletries and helping us unpack our items for the truck. We moved everything out of the truck within three hours and were utterly burned out. Our kitchenware was still in boxes, so we did take-out. We were exhausted, and both needed a hot shower to get enough sleep for the next workday.

June 19th, 2021-
      On this particular day, I think about the extraordinary men in my life who went home to be with the Lord, my Gramps. Uncle Nicky, Uncle Gregory "Peanut," Blenman, my father Todd, and my uncle Robbie. They were significant factors in peoples' lives. They had their share of trials but were eager for values and morals in people. These men made people laugh non-stop, especially Gramps. I remember the tickles from Uncle P, the memorable conversation with Uncle Robbie about traveling, education, laughs with Uncle Nicky. Then the conversations and church ride with Gramps saying, Nicky Nack. One of my freelance PAID articles was my tribute to Uncle Robbie; he was indeed a shining star in our family. Although Todd's life ended tragically at 23, my physical features reflect him in so many ways. Happy Father's Day to all dads and male figures.
 
June 21st, 2021-  
      I texted my brother, Jason, a week ago for the first time in several years. For the last week, I was thinking about him and Pop. Jasper "Pop" Kelly was not my biological father, but he stepped up to the plate and became Pop for my sister and me. And Jas did the same thing, although he was not my sister and I biological brother. We did not use "step" as a family because we acknowledged each other as family. Pop entered my life when I was eight years old and watched me transition from a child to a young woman. We became the urbanized Brady Bunch when all five of us lived under the same roof. However, when Mommy and Pop divorced 12 years, the family unit completely fell apart. We all went in separate directions, and Pop did not take their divorce well. As an adult in a committed relationship, two people are at fault when a relationship falls apart. It was not right for me to be biased with either party. I developed another perspective after having a conversation with Jeff. I told my mother I spoke to Jas, and I told her I wanted to have a conversation with Pop. I was in such a panic state because we had not spoken in eight years but today was the day. I called him, and he replied, "Hey Short Mama," as soon as he heard my voice. I was relieved and thankful for literally stepping up and being a father to me. I knew for all these years. I gave him the short end of the stick because I was still yearning to have Ernest's ideal "daddy's little girl" relationship. Pop said, "Thank you Short Mama, for saying that," and we ended the conversation because he had to get back to work. I told him that I was going to stay in touch with him.

July 6th, 2021-
      Suzzanne Douglass, one of my favorite female actresses, passed away at 64. 64 is still young, but she lost her two-year battle with pancreatic cancer. Cancer is brutal! Many lives are cut short because of this disease. But fans such as I did not know she was sick, so it shocked me when journalists announced she died. I was like, "Wow, two days after 4th of July," and then I thought about her husband and son. She would forever be known for her role as Jerri Peterson in The Parent Hood's sitcom for four seasons. It was such an excellent and comical show on the WB. 
She was also in How Stella Got Her Groove Back, School of Rock, The Inkwell and played the late Whitney Houston's mother Cissy in Whitney's TV movie. Over the years, Suzzanne guest-starred in a few television series, The Parkers, NYPD Blue, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, and Promised Land. So for the next few days, I knew that I was going to binge The Parent Hood. In 2021, the sitcom is still a classic, and television networks play the reruns.

July 7th, 2021- 
      It was my three-month anniversary at Green Leaf & Pebble Tea Spa. Time just flew. I was working with other therapists who were not afraid to help each other get the job done. I was at the spa for 90 days. I completed the probationary period and knew my employee evaluation would occur within a few months. Green Leaf was an upgrade from my previous place of employment. I know every business has its ups and downs and inner conflicts, but overall, I enjoy my work environment. I have a pretty good schedule that represents a work-life balance. Balancing work and personal life is imperative; otherwise, you would burn yourself. I am so blessed that Green Leaf advocates for work-life balance because other spas' mission is the total opposite. I've heard from other therapists at different places that they overwork their therapists for little pay.

July 8th, 2021-
      Jeff and I were in the 226 Oceana Apartments for one month, 30 days. The time went by so fast. We were still getting used to the arrangements of the apartment. Since we both worked so much, the living room was not a priority, and due to Covid-19, entertaining people was not a priority. However, we brought a bedroom set for the master bedroom. The master's bedroom was relatively big, but unfortunately, it did not meet our expectations. Some of our clothing was still in bins because the closet space was minuscule. We added a blow-up bed in the spare bedroom; I like to call that room "Marito's man cave," especially when he wanted his "man time." We lived with each other for a little over a year and periodically experienced our growing pains. We had the days when we wanted to be close together, and then it was those moments where I wanted to be left alone. But a couple, I am learning you can surpass those things if you know in your heart that your partner is worth it in the long run. Sometimes, you have to give a man his space to breathe and reflect on specific aspects of their life. It can sometimes leave me jittery because I am a hands-on and caring person who can sometimes put other people's wants and needs before their own.

July 11th, 2021
Sunday was my day off from work, and I was well-rested. I was looking forward to my current employer, Green Leaf, and Pebble Tea Spa's work party. I was thrilled because this was the first time in a long time that I was having fun with my coworkers. I valued those special moments when living in New York, but Virginia was a whole new world. My Marito did not go with me, but I knew that I needed to attend this party for my inner peace and core. New York will forever be my home, but I started adapting to new environments. The pool party started at seven, so I arranged for my Lyft to take me to Chesapeake, VA. I never took a Lyft to Chesapeake, but I budgeted accordingly to attend this outing. My Lyft driver was so comical, and my ride went very smoothly. Finally, I arrived at my bosses' house, and I was utterly stunned. I was stunned because Katherine and Denny's house was so enormous, and it just reminded me of the times when my family and I would attend the late Toni Scott's house for BBQs in Howard Beach. Ms. Scotti was indeed the life of the party, and our outing only exemplifies her larger-than-life and jovial personality. Her Sicilian family presented my family with warmth and the utmost respect when we attended their outings. So, the work party was déjà vu symbolically, and I knew my spirit needed that, especially with everything I was going through at the time. I stepped out of the Lyft car, heard the live band, and entered the house, and I was amazed by the scenery. The house had a pool with salt water, great backyard space, a garden, and a mini-farm for the chickens.
Along with the band, we have delicious food, prizes, and full of laughter. I won two prizes since I recited the late Lisa "Left-Eye" Lopes' rap in the song "Waterfalls." I was so intrigued and motivated to work even harder on myself to have the life that God wanted for me overall. So, when I do close my eyes, I can gracefully say, "Well done." I just knew I had a lot more to do, and for me to prosper even further in life, I had to get rid of the things that were wearing me down for so long. So, I embraced my coworkers gracefully and had a couple of "Pirate Booty drinks" while enjoying the view and company. Even though it was a party for work, I just had a higher level of joy and appreciation for life and beauty, and I cannot waste on things that do not serve me in life. I know I am worth more, and I cannot treat others in my space as second-class citizens. No more roadblocks and living my life side-part under!

July 12th, 2021- 
I woke up this morning and thanked the Man above for another day as I got ready for my on-call massage therapy job in Norfolk. I massaged three clients and was impressed with my sensitivity to touch and overall persona. It is fantastic when clients recognize your passion and drive for massage therapy. I love when clients get a sense of ease and comfort while performing a massage. My mother reached out to me via phone during my workday and mentioned one of her God-fearing friends. She said her friend, Hope wanted to speak with me and believed she needed to deliver a message from God that would resurface my positioning. At first, I was a little hesitant and guarded about speaking to someone I barely knew on the phone. But after careful consideration and prayer, I decided to arrange a prayer meeting a little after 7 pm with Hope and my mother. Before the call, I wanted to make sure my head game was suitable and free from distractions. The call lasted for over an hour, and I just felt a sense of calmness and peace. It was not awkward, and I started revealing my troubled moments and the estranged relationship with my mother and sister. Mrs. Hope was forthcoming and utilized her gifts to deliver a potent message that she received from God. She sensed my uneasiness and encouraged me to break my chains by forgiving myself once and for all. The phone call was the first step to my breakthrough, and I knew more would be on the horizon if I sought Him first. I cried once more, but it was cleansing tears and free from extreme bondage and strife. I know that I am a work in progress, but I decided not to wave my flag, and obeying God would become more of my lifestyle.

July 13th, 2021, 
It was my future sister-n-law’s birthday so I delivered my remarks and I did not have any on-call massage sessions. I had the whole house to myself and cooked medium rare steak and broccoli and arugula cheese casserole. I made steak but making the casserole was quite an experience. As I was making the casserole, I thought about the love and joy that my Lady E used to have while making her beef casserole. Even though Marito and I are cutting back on starches, I still want the casserole to be healthy and enjoyable at the same time. I thawed out my vegetables, added my special seasonings, and secondary ingredients and put my best foot forward. 45 minutes later, my casserole was a huge success and Marito enjoyed the casserole. He said, “I am not going to lie but this casserole is very good; I am not going to lie to you.”  I also reached out to my mother to discuss our call last night and it was empowering for her as well. 
July 14th, 2021-
      Today was the first time I called my mother for her birthday in three years. We spoke before her born day but I missed out three birthdays.  My mother turned 52  and has been teaching with the Department of Education for 27 years. Before I began my day, I called her and I said ,“Morning Birthday Girl,” and I felt a sense of peace when Mommy heard my voice. She was truly over the moon! Although I was not living in New York anymore, Mommy knows for herself that I am alive and well. I already mailed her a birthday gift: a travel big and wallet that resembled her facial appearance with the slogan, “Living My Best Life.” My phone call with my mother was the secondary revival of our relationship.

July 23rd, 2021- 
  As much I was disappointed that Jeff and I were not going to Sehiya’s wedding, I wanted to get out of the house and utilize my time. I took the weekend off in advance and now our plan took a  detour. Prior to the wedding, we were not seeing eye to eye more and more and he decided that he did not want to go to the wedding. I figured I would give him time to calm me down and asked him once more and he said, “No I don’t want to go; you can go but I am not going.” I started too but I knew my heart would not be in the right place.  I did not want to go by myself and I had to follow my institution about this situation. Instead of moping around, my coworker Brooke encouraged me to do a beach photoshoot to keep my spirits up. She gave me a discount and I voluntarily said yes. I met up at Brooke’s house and we were on our way to the beach. It was my first photoshoot with her company. She provided her beauties with snacks, wardrobe, and a variety of photos after she received payment. We arrived at the beach and Brooke gave me this beautiful yellow dress to wear and I immediately said yes. Before we started shooting, I decided to completely nude on the beach. I wanted to leave my cares behind and it gave me a sense of freedom.  I met photographer, Snappy and just told me to be fearless and the poses came naturally. And with Snappy’s assistance, I expressed my individuality even more; I just wanted the pictures to be appealing but raw. I had a second wardrobe and I wear a silky ivory negligee  and my femininity was enhanced in the photos. And this is why I wanted to do a photoshoot. Some of her beauties are not cake up with so makeup. Makeup is voluntarily which was a plus because I am strong advocate for natural beauty. After a few hours at the beach, we ended the shoot with smiles and my heart was not as heavy. But I did say for my next photoshoot with Brooke, one of my pictures were going to be nude.  And that was a Snapple fact! 
August 7th, 2021
     I had my drivers’ lesson with Mr. T before work, so I thought. Mr. T was one of the instructors at the Phyllis Foster Driving School and he was so thorough. I started driving lessons back in March and I thought today was just another day of instruction. I prayed before I entered the car and Mr. T greeted me by saying, “Are you ready to drive?”  Mr. T paid attention to my positioning of my hands on steering wheel, how I navigated the car, parking, and how I adjusted my feet on the accelerator and brakes.  
After two hours of driving in Virginia Beach,  Mr. T handed me my waiving papers and I realized I was going to get my license. I was like my final lesson was my road test. He said, “I told you were ready to drive once you calmed down and stop being so nervous on the wheel.” I was overjoyed and I came in the house, Jeff was running errands. Then I called my mother and she texted me saying, “She will call back.” A few minutes later, Mommy called me back and I said, “Mommy, I passed my road test, I got my driver’s license.” She said, “Wow, Dom that’s great,” and Jeff said he overheard me talking to my mother. But he was not surprised. Although we were going a hard time in our relationship, he knew driving was something I wanted to achieve for a while. He said, “I told once you stop being so anxious, you will realize you are a driver. I told you already know how to drive and you don’t even know it.” I called my Aunt Becky and she was like, “That’s great, now it’s time to get the car.” For the remainder of the day, I texted my close friends and family and the responses were “Yay,” “it’s about time,” “It’s a long time coming but you did it,” and “Now it’s time to car shop.” I made my appointment with the DMV to start processing the paperwork for my driver’s license. 
August 9th, 2021
     I said to myself first we lost Andre Harrell, and now Chucky Thompson. Chucky was a prominent producer back in the 90’s and 2000s. When you think about him, his production with Mary, Puff’s Bad Boy Records artists’, Usher, and Nas circulates in my mind. He produced for so many artists but he is known for his songs with artists associated with Bad Boy Records.  He was so hands on with one of Nas’ classic songs, “One Mic.” He produced so many hits including Mary’s Grammy nominated album, My Life so I was just in major disgust. I mean his production was so explosive  News casters reported that Chucky passed away from the complications of COVID-19 at a Los Angeles hospital. I was like come on; men are dying young. Chucky was 53 years old and was in the music business for 30 years. 
August 13th- August 16th
     Jeff and I were in a tough relationship and it were filled with a lot of  uncertainties.  I wasn’t sure if it was the end of our engagement and we were going our separate ways.  I’ve had my faults: stubborn, pig headed, a hot head at times, and a perfectionist. I knew I would not do anything to emasculate his manhood and had to keep reminding that He has the final say and rearrange my attitude just in general. It was such a hard-hitting time and I just needed to come home for few days. I needed that NYC aurora around me and I knew a few days in the Big Apple would refuel my body. I needed familiar territory. We just needed a break from each other; things were just not jellin’. Some of my close family and friends knew something was wrong from a mile away and they simply exclaimed, “Put God first, ask Him for counsel and understanding.”  I said, “Okay, we did not go to Sehiya’s wedding but I am definitely going to Mrs. Boyd’s 50th wedding anniversary.  Mrs. Boyd is family and I was not going to miss this special gathering. Jeff was supposed to go but declined, so my mother went instead and I knew our reunion was going to be emotional. So, I decided to do the things that were going to make me happy; I could not stop living. I haven’t seen my mother in 2.5 years so I started mentally and emotionally preparing for this trip. I left Friday morning and I took a Lyft to the Lion VA bus station and I was on my way to New York. After a seven and half bus ride, I arrived on Canal Street and took a cab to my Airbnb in Bedstuy. 
I settled in and took the B15 bus to B83 to go see my mother at the house. I didn’t tell her what time I arrived in Brooklyn because I wanted her to be surprised. My heart was racing as I walked down the block on Schenck Avenue.  But before I arrived at the house, I was craving a beef patty with cheese The red Nissan pulled into the driveway and pulled up to the car slowly and said, “Boo.” My mother was stunned and cheerful at the same time. She was speaking to one of her friends on the phone and told them she would return their call later since I was here. As soon as she hugged me, I felt that mama hug instantly. I was overjoyed but my heart was crying.  I thanked God for listening and not reaching out prematurely and did everything on my accord. As soon as we settled in the house, my mother broke down and I kept hugging her. Our hands were shaking while my mother was on the phone with my Aunt Maritza. It was such an enlightening experience and as I hugged my mother once more, I told her I will see you Sunday for Mrs. Boyd’s wedding anniversary.
     And my weekend in New York continued! I saw my girls at the Peaches’ restaurant in Bedstuy and the reunion was absolutely golden. For three hours, we laughed, ate, drank, and took photos. We were able to fill each other about our lives, dating, careers, and other miscellaneous conversations. After our delightful lunch, I went to visit my grandfather, Hamp at the senior citizen building. I signed in and I cried hysterically when I saw him. I knew Pop was not in the best state but his face was so frail and loss a massive amount of weight. He still had all of his senses but he was immobile. I asked him how he was doing and she said, “Baby girl, I am tired,” and at that moment, I knew he was transitioning. I kissed him on his forehead and told him that I loved him. Pop said, “I love you too,” and he went back to sleep.
      After a beautiful weekend and quality time, I was ready to attend Mrs. Boyd’s 50th wedding anniversary with my mother. We wore our exquisite outfits and we were on our way to Queens. My mother talked to Mrs. Boyd, expressing her magnitude of love for her and was truly grateful. My mother was emotional at the party, yes it was an honor that Mrs. Boyd and her husband have been together for ½ a century but, we were here together.  We took a few pictures, cut a rug, and ate some good food before we said our final goodbyes. Before my mother dropped me off at the Airbnb,  I saw my Uncle Troy, my cousin/sister, Te-Te, Grandma Ollie, and spoke with Uncle Anthony. Uncle Troy knew I was in the process of purchasing  car and told me that Uncle Sheenie was going to help as well. While I was on my way home, my Uncle Bhuda, also my godfather and Uncle Anthony helped as well. I cried profusely and thanked God because they did not have too; I was an adult now. My uncles said, “Girl, please we will help you as much we can. We love you and proud of you Dom.” I also spoke with my Aunt Becky and Aunty Kim and told them I will make more rounds the next time I was in New York.  I had an AMAZING weekend and my battery was refueled. It was just 100% PURE LOVE! 
August 23rd, 2021-
      Today was the day I gave my documents  to the DMV so I can have my Virginia driver’s license. After 11.5 years of postponing the thought of driving, the DMV was going to present me with my license. I knew if I was in New York City,  my chances of getting a license were slim to none. When I was 19 years old, Pop was teaching me to drive and it was an epic failure after the 4th lesson. I crashed the anterior part of the car, and at the moment, I was thinking about my mother’s reaction instead of my livelihood. Thankfully, the passengers and driver were fine and no one was not injured. However, the accident scarred me for years and I started accepting the fact that I was not going to be a driver. So, when I passed my road test, a weight was lifted over my shoulders. So, I took a Lyft to the DMV in Virginia Beach and presented my documents to the representative. I completed the road test with the driving school so I made sure my waiving papers were in my folders. The representative gave the paper version of my driver’s license until the official copy arrived in the mail.  I left the DMV office with a sense of relief and now I was able to put a check next to the line, “Get your driver’s license.”

August 25th, 2021-
 Christal, one of my dear friends turned 30! For over 10 years, we experienced a lot together and separately. We’ve known each other since we entered the halls of Edward R. Murrow but my cousins are still friends with her brother, Darien. And although I am in Virginia and our lives lead to other directions, Chris is still dear to my heart and one of my biggest supporters.  To me, that’s the true meaning of friendship. We still have those check in text messages, follow each other on social media, and reach out for every birthday. You do not have to see or talk to your friend everyday but when the roots are planted correctly, it will last for a lifetime.  
   It also has been 20 years since R&B singer and actress, Aaliyah passed away.  Two decades later and people are still mourning over her passing. Aaliyah’s voice was delicate and her fashion sense was remarkable. She was one of my favorite singers from the 90’s and early 2000s. Although her style was tomboyish, she was still feminine especially by the time her self-titled album, Aaliyah. Aaliyah was such an important album for her because it exemplified her maturity and growth as an artist.  I can remember what I was doing when  I found out when Aaliyah passed. I went to South Carolina for the Carson-Riley Family reunion and still packing our items so we can catch the bus to return to New York. My Nana turned on the television and the news commentator announced, “Singer Aaliyah died at the age of 22 from a plane crash.” I was stunned and sat on the hotel bed instantly; I was not ready to register those words from the news commentator. Outside of Biggie’s death, I cried when she left this Earth. God called her home during the height of her career. She died on a plane crash after shooting the video, “Rock the Boat,” in Bahamas.  For the next few weeks, television personalities and journalists played her music, live performances, and interviews. Her death was such a blow to the industry especially for artists like Missy, Timbaland, Ginuwine, and DMX. And now two decades later, we lost rap legend and actor, Earl “DMX” Simmons from a cocaine induced heart attack. It was another loss for all of us but he is now reunited with our Princess of R&B.

August 27th, 2021- 
     Jeff and I relationship were still going through a metamorphosis  but the storm was somewhat calmer. It was still a work in progress and I knew it was going to be for a while. I also received some striking news. I found out that R&B singer, Sam Salter passed away. He was one of those underground singers in the 90’s with so much talent.  He was an excellent songwriter and vocal producer for artists 98 Degrees, The Isley Brothers, Charlie Wilson, K. Michelle, Tyrese, Deborah Cox,  and Xscape’s member, Kandi Burruss’ solo album. I was so disappointed because he was 46 years old and that’s young. I researched online to figure out how he lost his life. The reason was unknown and I was in trance. Even though Sam Salter is known for his Top 20 hit, “After 12, Before 6,” and “It’s On Tonight.” I remember watching the video for “After 12, Before 6” on BET’s Planet Groove and heard it so much on urban radio stations.  The song was smooth and was so melodic. I logged on into Twitter and social media users said his music was “the epitome of 90s R&B.” The central theme for the song was a man catering to his woman’s needs while his career continues to take center stage.  My mother brought his debut album and the record was solid. I played his whole album for the entire day. My sister’s dad, Ernest loved him as well and his favorite record from him was, “I Love You Both.” He used to dedicate the song to my mother and I each time it played on the stereo.  Although our relationship was dismantled and he saw some remarks that he can not take back, our relationship was dynamic at the time. He was not my biological father but he introduced the “daddy’s girl,” booklet in my life. Subsequently, it fell apart due to Ernest’s lack of accountability. His attitude exemplifies a thief robbing someone in the middle of the night. So, when I hear that song, it just leaves me in a state of despondency because he neglected his promises, left me emotionally on a whirlwind for years, and our daddy/ daughter relationship has been disbanded. 20 plus years later and I was still listening to the album because timeless music never goes out of style.   To me, he was truly an underrated artist that needed to receive his flowers before he passed away.   He was gone too soon!  

Birthday month 
September 2nd, 2021-
        It was an ordinary day at the spa until I received devastating news from my Uncle Sheenie. He texted me when I was massaging a client. After the session, I checked my text messages, and he said my grandfather had gone home. I was like, wait, what did he pass? So further clarity, I asked my uncle, and he said he passed away in the house. I was in disbelief and was not ready to accept that my grandfather, Hamp "Pop" Carson went home to be with the Lord. I started preparing for his transition two years earlier when his health was at its' worst, and he was in and out of nursing homes. I had several moments when I cried after visiting him, but I was that soldier while I was around him. I remember when I had told him I was engaged, he said, "Baby girl, I need to see the man who is marrying my granddaughter in his eyes. I remember him when he was a boy, but I want to see him now as a man." Jeffrey met him at the nursing home but did not give a long speech. He said, "Look, man, all I ask you to do is take care of my baby girl, and we have no problems. This is my baby." Jeffrey said, "Okay, Mr. Carson," and Pop replied, saying, "Call me Pop," and went on to talk about the plans for his 90th birthday. I knew his heart was broken when he could not have his party and just shut down emotionally. For the first time in a long time, my grandfather was vulnerable with me about his past mistakes and realized his years of drinking were coming back to haunt him. When we had those delicate conversations, he did not sugarcoat, but I told Pop, you still took care of your family and people's children as well. I held back my tears because I was honored that he wanted to have a heart-to-heart conversation with me at the nursing home.
Although Pop lived a long life, he had a series of health problems, including dementia but as soon as he heard the sound of my voice, either on the phone or person, he said, "Hey baby girl, how are you doing?" After I was informed about his passing, I instantly called my fiancé, mother, and Aunt Becky, and they asked me about my current state. My aunt and mother tried to persuade me that I should leave work early, and my younger sister expressed her level of agony on the phone as well. Our relationship has been estranged for quite some time, and yet, she told her condolences and how much she missed her sister. And while I heard her level of concern, my main focus was getting through the day after hearing about my grandfather's death. It was a hard pill for me to swallow, but I could not transfer the energy to my clients. After my Lyft driver dropped me out, I started playing James Brown in the house because he was my grandfather's favorite artist. I thanked God that I saw two weeks before he passed away, and he was alive when I passed my road test. I can tell anyone that I had thirty beautiful years with my grandfather. Unfortunately, the patriarch of the Carson family was deceased, and I knew it was not going to be an easy time for the family.

September 6th, 2021-
 I listened to the news, and The Wire actor Michael K. Williams passed away from a drug overdose. It wasn't very reassuring because he was a talented actor and dancer. Amid my grandfather's and Michael's passing, I purchased my first car, finally. It was a 2017 Toyota Camry LE. I wanted my first color to be a Toyota because I knew they were dependable, good on gas, excellent mileage, and my parents drove Toyota cars for years. The color was a midnight blue, but most importantly, mine. After 10.5 years, I brought my first car and decided to name her "Curvy Betty." Betty Boop was my favorite cartoon character, and she was known for her infamous curves. Jeffrey went to the dealership since I was not conscious of driving due to the first Covid-19 vaccination shot. Once Brian completed and finalized the paperwork, my car could leave the CarMax parking lot. I was standing next to my car with a yellow ribbon in a photo and saying goodbye to Lyft rides unless it was for emergencies. The next order was finding the best auto insurance since I am a new driver, researching warranties, and managing the maintenance for the car. This car will be my child before my actual child in the flesh. I am going to learn a lot about owning a car, but I will take care of my automobile. It was essential for me to heed the upkeep of my vehicle.  
September 8th, 2021-
 I received my last unemployment check from New York State on Wednesday. I would usually receive it on Tuesday, but it was delayed due to Labor Day. So, it was time to say farewell to free money and work full-time in the job market. As a part-time employee, I was receiving unemployment for 18 months due to the aftereffects of Covid-19. You will receive your weekly rate plus an additional $600 for 2020, and in 2021, it was an extra $300 in addition to your weekly rate. I spent the unemployment wisely and paid my utility bills in advance. So, my unemployment checks were indeed my extended gift from the tooth fairy.

September 10th, 2021- 
Today was when I said my final goodbye to my grandfather, Hamp Carson. Before my bus ride, I informed the spa that the funeral was planned last minute, and I had 48 hours to plan my route. Jeff, my beau, could not attend because it was too last minute for him. I left for NYC Thursday night and arrived Friday night. I got off the Sprinter Bus, and my uncle picked me up from 34th Street. Before the driver dropped off the passengers in NYC, It was unfortunate, but it was great to see Uncle Troy. But outside from a deep massive hug from my uncle, I was filled with so many emotions. Yes, my grandfather was no longer suffering, but the patriarch was deceased. I remember driving in the car with my uncle, and he was reflecting on how Pop fought a good fight. He was already that every Carson family member would not attend the funeral. He was just grateful for the family members who could attend on short notice. Since I arrived in New York earlier than expected, I had more time to sleep before the funeral. My cousin/sister Teaira was overjoyed when she saw me and asked me with a smile, "Where did you come from; this is the second time that you surprised me?"
Around two hours later, my uncle, Aunt Kenya, Teaira, and I went in the black limousine, and the driver took us to the church. When we arrived, I saw all of my cousins, Uncle Sheenie, Uncle Nate, and the rest of my family. I also saw my Aunt Cuppie, and it was pretty awkward. Our relationship has been estranged for over four years; she is one of those family members who’s vindictive and controlling nature outweighs her contributions to the family. She aired other people's dirty laundry and expressed her ignorant and bitter comments to me and told her, "This is not the right time or place to have this type of conversation; show some respect to your father and brother." And when I said those exact words, she sighed and walked away vigorously. We began service a little after 10 am, and Uncle Sheenie, Aunt Cuppie, and I expressed how much Pop affected us as a person and family. It was my time to speak, and at first, I had butterflies in my stomach. But, by the time I walked to the podium, I spoke with so much vigor and confidence about my grandfather. Yes, he lived a long life and had flaws, but I knew his love was undeniable. There were a few tears in the church, but we knew that Pop would want us to make something of ourselves and WORK! He was a provider and wanted us to work hard for the money, especially men. After the funeral service was over and we drove back to Brooklyn from the cemetery, we repassed with food catered from Bed-Stuy Fish Fry. Man, the soul food was tasty, and it was a great way to chit-chat with my family over delicious food. After a few laughs and drinks, collecting my grandfather's unique artifacts, and cutting a rug with my aunt, we said our final goodbyes. Uncle Troy was kind enough to drop me off at a bus station, and I was on my way back to Virginia. It was an extremely hectic and long day in New York, but I was ready to go back home and sleep in my bed. I know my grandfather will forever be in my heart and continue carrying on his legacy. But on a lighter note, my hubby informed me that we were on a Carnival cruise in late November. It was music to my ears when he said those words since it was our first international trip in two years.

September 13th, 2021- 
Today was the first day I was driving the car by myself, petrified. I already had my first fender bender while parking, and I did not want more accidents. After my fender bender, I was enrolled in an online defensive driving course. It was a conscious decision I made since I would be behind the wheel frequently. Yes, I was excited to receive my driver's license, but it was time to put it to work. I drove for 45 minutes to my on-call massage job in Norfolk. I was not ready; my palms were sweating, and I was nauseous. But I had to face the music; no one else was going to drive the car. Before I started driving on the street, I had to pump gas, but I pulled in on the wrong side of the gas station. I was frantic, and a man was nice enough to pull my car around, so I had a chance to regulate my nerves. As he pulled in the man, "It's okay, ma'am, we all were new drivers too; you just have to keep on practicing" I took a few deep breaths and continued driving on the street. I just kept praying to God and asking Him to get me to my destination safely. Each time I passed a different road on Virginia Beach Blvd, it was a sign of victory. I felt like I was on an obstacle course, aiming to hit the finish line at a specific time. It was a sign of relief when I entered the Renova Wellness Center parking lot. I knew I had to overcome my fears and process the fact I had to drive to move accessibly in Virginia. I did not want to go; I always believed it wasn't my cup of tea; however, I am not living in New York City anymore. I was still in New York state of mind, transportation-wise. I knew if I wanted to be a better driver, I just needed to drive.

September 22nd, 2021-
 Since my birthday fell on a weekday, I did not have any unique plans because I worked during my birthday weekend. However, for the first time, I requested my birthday off. It was a sense of relief for some of my family and friends because they would say, "Your birthday is your national holiday, it's your born day, girl, you only live one, take the day off." Since I was 14 years old, I have been working, and I did not take my birthday off unless a vacation was planned on or around my birthday. And after much consideration, I did not do any work, and it felt amazing. I had a minute to bask in the fact that I did not have to report to anyone for 24 hours by choice. And yes, I received phone calls, texts, messages on social media and was serenaded from other relatives. My Aunty Kimmy also gave me $50 to enjoy my favorite lunch or dinner meal.

September 23rd, 2021-
I was 31 years old for 24 hours, and I already did not have a peaceful car ride. Within five minutes of driving to work, I was pulled over by a police officer. I told myself, "Just roll down your window, calm down, and keep your hands on the steering wheel." I asked the officer, "What is the problem," He replied, "I need to verify if this is your car." I was confused by I gave him my license and registration. The officer was an obnoxious Caucasian, but his ethnicity was not my main concern. I am just trying to figure why he decided to pull me over if I was not speeding. After checking my paperwork for the car, he told me I could go about my day. He didn't even apologize or explain why I was pulled over. I was not thinking of his badge number to report him; I was still astonished about what had just happened to me that morning. I do not even have enough dirt on my wheels, and I was pulled over for a juvenile reason. I was frightened, so I drove to the Dunkin' Donuts' parking lot for work to sedate my nerves.
After my first session, I had so downtime and told my spa coworkers and mother about my drive to work. The ladies shook their hands and said, "It was good that you kept your composure but if it happens again, you need to write down or take a picture of his badge." I did not want to bring the same energy into my future sessions. At this point, I was ready to get off and have a date with Marito. I was still celebrating my birthday and wanted to be good at Rick's Café on Virginia Beach Blvd. I told Marito about my pullover experience with an officer, and he was stunned. Jeff knew I was not speeding, and he said either the cop was racist or just needed to spot a person who owned a Toyota Camry.

September 26th, 2021- 
I massaged clients during my birthday weekend. However, I treated myself to two photoshoots for my birthday. The two shoots were coffee grounds and a milk bath photoshoot. My coffee shoot would take place during Halloween weekend. My motto ever since I turned 30 was "Continue to step outside of the box." My coworker, Brooke, has a boudoir photoshoot business, and she serves beauties with food, clothing, good company, and 40+ plus from the photographer after payment. So, after work, I went to her house for my shoot, and one of my pictures would be in a milk bath with fruits and a eucalyptus plant. When I arrived, I was in model mode and tried on items that fit my personality and physique. I put on an elastic silver jumpsuit, insulating my curves, and I was ready for my close-up. I took a few photos, ate some mouth-watering snacks, and was prepared for my milk bath photo shoot. Brooke played a plethora of hits from Sade as I was getting ready for the shoot to set up the mood. As soon as I was in the milk bath, my inner sexy was revealed, and I went completely naked. The milk photo shoot was a sense of freedom; I just felt liberated and embraced the fullness.

September 27th, 2021-
 Today was when I received my second Covid-19 shot, and I knew it was not wise to drive, especially with the side effects of the virus. I received my first shot three weeks earlier and experienced mild side effects. My right arm was sore, and I felt fatigued. I was still wary about my driving record since I am an inexperienced driver. I did not want fatigue on the wheel; that's considered impaired driving, and I wanted any unnecessary points on my driving record. I had my second shot since it was needed for the cruise. I took off for two days since the side effects from the second shot were more intense.

September 29th, 2021- 
It was the second to last day of my birthday month, and I received a special birthday card in the mail from my mother. The card was nicely decorated by my mother's friend and my former 3rd-grade teacher, Mrs. Barnes. The card featured Happy Birthday wrappings with natural diamonds and inspirational quotes such as "If you can dream it, you can become it." But I loved the message inside of the card. My mother wrote these heartfelt words, "To My Sugar Plum, you're a Gift from God blessed me with 31 years ago. I love you now and eternally, Tu Madre." The card just encouraged me not to dim my light for anything or anybody and continue creating magic for the generation to come. So for the next three months, I decided to adopt the following words in 2022: alignment, love, lessons, and purpose. I knew I was never too old to grow and thrive further. There is always room to change the ending of my story, and I would strive to apply it in all aspects of my life. I just needed to tell myself that resilience and consistency are the keys!